First Look Gnomes: The Archives – Dad Jokes, Pranks, Snow Days & Super Bowl Laughs

From the archives of First Look Gnomes…

This classic episode is packed with laughs, chaos, and throwback energy as we revisit dad jokes, harmless pranks, snow day stories, and our take on the NFL Super Bowl.

Expect groan-worthy jokes, prank tales that maybe went a little too far, memories of unexpected snow days, and plenty of Super Bowl chat from a very unprofessional panel. It’s a relaxed, funny, and relatable listen for parents, sports fans, and anyone who enjoys light-hearted comedy podcasting.

Perfect if you’re into dad humour, family-friendly comedy, Super Bowl discussions, NFL fans’ reactions, and nostalgic podcast episodes you may have missed first time around.

Whether you’re a long-time listener or discovering the show for the first time, this archive episode delivers the laughs all over again.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Opening Banter And Dad Jokes
• 2:30 Pranks And Schoolyard Mischief
• 5:25 Super Bowl Parties And Halftime Talk
• 9:00 Ad Culture And American vs British Humour
• 12:00 Snow Day With A 39-Week Pregnancy
• 15:30 Dog In The Snow And Poop Tech
• 19:00 Big Snow In Canada vs UK Chaos
• 21:00 Closing Dad Jokes And Sign-Off

Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 0:01

We open another Gnome Vault to take a look back into the archives. Gnome Vault Super Bowl NFL talk, dad jokes, pranks, Namps No Day stories.

SPEAKER_01: 0:12

So six. Number six.

SPEAKER_02: 0:14

Let's talk about six, baby.

SPEAKER_01: 0:18

Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that we talk about. Let's talk about.

SPEAKER_02: 0:24

Let's talk about six. Let's talk about six wiggle wiggwig.

SPEAKER_01: 0:29

Welcome to the podcast, everybody. Not quite sure why we decided to sing there, but why not? It's it's a Friday evening. It's the middle of the winter. There's a few beers going down the neck. We might as well there's no sprouts.

SPEAKER_02: 0:42

For for the long listeners, there's there's been no sprouts, no updates on that.

SPEAKER_01: 0:47

For those of you who've never listened to before, sprout before I had to tease him. For those of you who have not listened before, my good friend Cornish Dan here is an expectant father. And the the here will be his first child. They have been referring to said bomb. And I have been practicing dad jokes for years.

SPEAKER_02: 1:09

You have been practicing dad jokes for years. On the uh on on the note of dad jokes, I'll uh we usually end the episode on some dad jokes, but let's let's start with one shot. Oh sure, why not? Why do pirates know? Why do pirates know? Why do pirates know what?

SPEAKER_01: 1:25

I should I should know the joke if I say You should know the joke before you should say it, but you know what? It's it's okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:32

Why do pirates not know the alphabet? I don't know. Why do pirates not know the alphabet? Because they get stuck at sea. Oh dear. Oh dear.

SPEAKER_01: 1:46

Shall we give shall I tell them Brayden's joke?

SPEAKER_02: 1:49

Yes. So Braden will be a potential uh special guest for an Easter episode, hopefully.

SPEAKER_01: 1:55

Seven-year-old joke telling Braden. He told me two today. First one was Which are already already miles better than mine. I mean, I'm I feel like I'm stealing his thunder by ten of these jokes, but by the time he comes on the podcast, he will have a lot more. So the first one uh is why are chickens so smart? Because and that made me laugh. And then his other one was uh why are there no why is there no medicine in the jungle? Because the parrots eat them all. Or parrots eat them all. Delivery, it's all about the delivery. We'll leave it to the seven-year-old. Because when the seven-year-old tells them, he then rolls around in the but she she she was she was possibly a bit naive, just just a lovely woman, lovely nice woman, my mum. She was another one. She she didn't do anything for anybody. And she was a dental, a dental nurse. So she used to work in a dentist, and she used to help the nurses. Uh the dentists, sorry. And one of her jobs was to go out and to call the patients. And her her colleagues decided to play a trick on my poor mother, my poor innocent mother, and said, Oh Barbara, can you can you go out into the reception please? And the next one is it's masturbates. Uh, can you go and get asked for masturbates? But masturbates. So my mom in a sting comes in. Masturbates. Masturbates. Is there a masturbates here? Anybody? I'm looking for masturbates. Nobody came forward. Mom included in what was going on. And turned away. Hello.

SPEAKER_02: 3:49

Yeah, we had we had similar at school, so yeah, that's that's funny. So yeah, we're definitely still masters at in year eight at school because uh in RS religious studies, I really can't speak tonight. Religious studies, what's the teacher called you? Mrs. Angers. Especially when she got angry, it's turning some notch like Master Williams. But in the class there was a kid called Anthony Bates. Very good. And you and you can imagine all the kids at your eight just burst out laughing, which just shouts across the room.

SPEAKER_01: 4:30

Oh yeah. So even that that's still funny.

SPEAKER_00: 4:33

That is from It's childish, it's immature.

SPEAKER_02: 4:39

Hilarious. But looking back now, I do I do feel I do feel sorry for the woman, bless her. You know, she obviously was also.

SPEAKER_01: 4:48

From memory found it hilarious, so it's fun though in it. That's great, funny, yeah. I'm sure the listeners are eagerly awaiting the safe arrival of Spread.

SPEAKER_02: 5:03

Yes, so if if you want more episodes, rate, review, subscribe, download.

SPEAKER_01: 5:10

Send us funny send us funny crap in in email. Do you have any masturbates stories? Send them in. Try to do your email, masturbates. We'll open it. Yeah, let's get to a Super Bowl final one day. I can never meet I can never stay up and watch a super bowl every year. I try we went to a super bowl party. Once you remember Wells. That was my birthday, yeah. We went weren't and do you remember the cheerleaders who were still out of time? Yes, I do. We went to it was my birthday, I think it was my 30th birthday, if memory serves me correct.

SPEAKER_02: 5:47

It was longer ago than that, I think.

SPEAKER_01: 5:48

No, no, I don't think it was. No. I'm sure we can find out with again a bit more googling. Yeah. But it was it was the Seahawks versus the Denver Broncos. And yeah, we went to a pub in London to watch it till four o'clock in the morning. And there were cheerleaders and there was NFL fans, and it was woo-woo woo, and you're like, Yeah, this is brilliant. And then you get to half past two in the morning, and you're like, I'm really tired. Are you are you having a good time? What what? Yeah, I'm not drunk and sleepy. I've not been drinking since four o'clock this afternoon. Yeah, that's the problem with drinking as well. That's right, have some red balls. Okay. So it's it's quite hard to watch NFL. Again, the people who do it religiously and weekly, fair play to them. Yeah, it's a good casual sport.

SPEAKER_02: 6:38

If you work at night shifts and you get home with its army, yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_01: 6:42

But uh, yeah, it would be good to go and watch an actual Super Bowl one day, but I think it's on so many people's bucket lists. The cost involved and the chance of getting tickets are going to be so slim. Yeah. But hey-ho, who's your who's your favourite half-time performer, Williams? That's what a lot of people care about, isn't it? The half my favourite half-time performer.

SPEAKER_02: 7:01

I don't really know the half-time performer. I mean, the the famous one before our time wasn't it, Michael Jackson with his Jet Pac Flip. That's one of the famous ones, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01: 7:12

Prince was Prince did one, he was pretty famous for it.

SPEAKER_02: 7:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 7:17

The more recent ones that really stand out. That's all shitty pop stars, so they had like black-eyed peas, who were all last years, the last year they had like a hip-hop hip-hop R and B set up, so it was Black Ray and Snoopy Dog and 50 Cent and Mary J. Blige. So that was quite different.

SPEAKER_02: 7:36

And it used to be all talking about the the first look at the first uh Super Bowl advert because they used to like spend so much money. So like like we did at Christmas and you know the John Lewis adverts, it's the same for them with the the half-time adverts.

SPEAKER_01: 7:51

Yeah, it really is, because it's some some some again, it's just one of these sensationalized stats. I don't know if it's true, but it's like something like 10 million for 30 seconds or something.

SPEAKER_02: 8:01

Probably more, maybe.

SPEAKER_01: 8:03

Yeah, the adverts always get what so you always know that because the next day you'll see what's the half perhaps the half-time show, and then you'll always be able to watch the top ten Super Bowl adverts. And yeah, I always do, because American adverts can be quite good sometimes. I used to I used to so when we live especially spinning that amount of money. That's true. But when we used to live in North America, uh in Canada, and we used to be like, God, some of these adverts are just awful. Um but then like the Super Bowl ones are generally pretty good, and they've got such a big budget, some of them can be they're a little bit self-indulgent and a bit can yeah, you know, sometimes they're trying too hard, but you have to watch it.

SPEAKER_02: 8:40

Well, the the medicine adverts, the cheap budget. You can get these drugs, and then all the side effects go across the screen.

SPEAKER_01: 8:48

Are you having erectile dysfunction? Try this lovely green pill. It's not the blue pill, it's the green pill. Try it. Can cause horns, can cause shitting yourself. You may grow tits. You may you may die, but uh fun while doing it. Wait, lads, lads, lads. America.

SPEAKER_02: 9:09

Yeah. But uh apologies to our American fans, which are actually the majority of modest.

SPEAKER_01: 9:14

I love Americans, don't get me wrong. It's just the sometimes some some of the culture's so different being British, and they look at American culture. It's and they, you know, a lot of Americans will look at British culture and be like, what the hell? They just like our humour's so twisted and dark compared to American humor. Our um our attitude is very different. We're a lot more, you know, the generally Americans are so much more positive and kind of can do and triven, and Brits are a bit more like, uh we're we're experts at sarcasm.

SPEAKER_02: 9:45

I think that's something I noticed.

SPEAKER_01: 9:46

Never see Americans might not understand that. That was sarcastic. Like bloody Brits and the sarcasm. But yeah. I apologize if that's how it patched in Americans who did get it.

unknown: 10:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 10:04

But yeah. Yeah, I can't think of an example. There's there's definitely occasions where I was sarcastic because yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 10:16

Leslie Ann shared a joke, she shared a message from me earlier that she found hilarious, and it was a very northern Irish joke. And I was like, that's not really funny, that's just a bit dark, and she's pissing herself laughing. And I'm like, and she just she looks at me and goes, What's the punchline? I kill you. Well, there probably was something like that. Something about being hit with a wooden spoon or something. But I remember she was laughing. I was like, I don't think that's very funny. And she's like, You're so English. And I was like, and you're so northern Irish, and the Americans can now be like, and you're so British, and we can be like, You're so American. But it's all it's all banter and it's all love.

SPEAKER_02: 10:52

Just a quick first look at so where we had our first look at snow in Corbin. Oh, very good. So um, yeah, not very exciting, but um yeah, we had uh on Tuesday, was it? Yeah, Tuesday. Well, hang on a sec, hang on a sec. Not very exciting. Well, that that's what yeah, that's part of a discussion, really. So it was exciting. Pretty to look at. But when you've got a 39-week pregnant fiance that you need to get to the hospital, especially when you're not because I'm driving. Oh bloody hell. So watch watch yes, actually.

SPEAKER_01: 11:29

Oh wow, we could do a whole episode on your driving skills, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 11:32

So so watch that world. But if yeah, if you add to that six inches, the actual proper six inches of full-on snow, which we don't yeah, we don't do snow in Cornwall because you know, tropical paradise. But yeah, woke up to a proper fluffy six inches of snow, roads covered, right.

SPEAKER_01: 11:49

On one hand, you're like, oh it's so brilliant, wonderful, and then the other hand you're like, oh sh we go into labour right now.

SPEAKER_02: 11:55

There's about a second of yeah, yeah. Um, so uh yeah, so we were a bit anxious. Anxious anxiously anxiously waiting for the uh the snow to melt. But yeah, that's quite the uh it was only like 24 hour thing.

SPEAKER_01: 12:11

Did you take the opportunity to go outside and make a snow Georgie?

SPEAKER_02: 12:15

Well, no, so Georgie was upset because she likes playing in the snow and she couldn't go outside because obviously it's really slippery and you can even go and make like a scorker of herself because you know No, well I I was working so I was in in the shoffice. Um Facebook lights up with everyone posting the Cornish the Cornish photos of snow as we do in England. People lose their minds when it snows over here, don't they? Yeah, it's knowing yeah, schools get closed, absolute chaos.

SPEAKER_01: 12:44

How did your dog find it? Because dogs are like our dog is always a little bit like what's going on, like goes out with complete trepidation, and it's like I don't like this.

SPEAKER_02: 12:53

Yeah, and it's quite funny because he opened the door and he runs out into the snow. It's like yeah, and it's like galloping around, and then you just see his face, it's cold, and he just turns around and then just like legs it back indoors. I'm gonna take a enjoyed it for a couple seconds, but then realised it was freezing cold.

SPEAKER_01: 13:09

It's just thinking it's when the realization is even like I've got to squat and do a shit in this. Like I'm gonna get very cold autumn.

SPEAKER_02: 13:17

Yes, and I thought it'd be easy to sort of you know go pick up this poop and uh I thought it'd be quite easy, but now it just sort of disappeared into the snow.

SPEAKER_01: 13:27

Dig for it, Daddy, dig for it, dig for shit. Yeah, I pretty much was. I pretty much was. I don't know if it was pre-pod or post pod. At some point we have talked about the the the joys of a frost and dog poop and how it's that it's the only the only joy of the thing. The poopsicle, that was it, yeah. I don't know if we did it on a podcast or a pre-podcast.

SPEAKER_02: 13:49

No, I don't know if it is, no.

SPEAKER_01: 13:50

We definitely talked about it though. But it is one of those things when you if if if you've missed it seems like something we're talking about. It is one of those things. If you've missed a day or two of getting up the poops and you're gonna frost, it's like an app, it's a real treat. Like, this is amazing. Easy pick up. What is you know what? This could be an adventure, one is so you know, like anti-freeze, like a spray. You could be walking around, and instead of you know, you look at this sloppy, yeah sloppy muck and you're like, oh, I don't want to pick that up, spray it, freeze it, pick it up.

SPEAKER_02: 14:23

That is yeah, because sometimes you have a little poor, you know, a poory dog there, and it's like oh especially if you know if he has to go on the pavement, that's you know, and it's got you know poorly belly.

SPEAKER_01: 14:35

That's what you need. Not great, poop freeze. The good thing is as well, if you're like if you're one of them neighbours who you like to fling it over the fence, you know, once it's frozen garden. If you've got a neighbour who's a particular what do you mean if you're one of those neighbours, isn't it? No, but there are there are people you've seen it, yeah. There are people there are shitslingers everywhere.

SPEAKER_02: 14:57

I mean, my my dad uh at a place we had which was overlooking a cow field. Yes, yes, we did have a couple of years.

SPEAKER_01: 15:04

Okay, so there you go. You said you you said so shot there. But there are shitslingers around, be it into your neighbour who you dislike, or be it into a cow field. There are people who pick up poo and just go, you know what, cow bungalow lasso it'll boom cowabonga into the cow field, you know. Yeah, that's fine.

SPEAKER_02: 15:25

No, that's fine as it would be. I mean the cow the cow yeah the cows might disagree, but I think that's fine. But I think you know, your neighbours I mean you you should live you live in Belfast, you should live in London, you're not gonna start freaking poop next door.

SPEAKER_01: 15:38

I'm not saying me personally, Wallyams, but I'm just talking about people in general, you know. People are dirty bastards. So if they if you've got a big if you've picked up a a warm sloppy poop and you're like, oh you know, no fun. You can't throw it very far either, because you try and throw it and you just get it down yourself, you know. It's like a discus. You can get a little you can you can just count the fences, you're like right.

SPEAKER_02: 16:04

Is it is it sanitized as well? So can you pick it up with your hand, or do you still use a bag?

SPEAKER_01: 16:08

Or you see, you could do the bag, then you tie the nut, and then you swing the bag, launch that one, you know, and just take that number 26, you bastards. Like you just uh you know.

SPEAKER_02: 16:22

Or if you upgrade the fancy poop freeze, then you can have a drone. So a drone comes in, you got you've got your location with the poop freeze. Very accurate. Use the what's it called? The three words.

SPEAKER_01: 16:33

What's it called? Oh, yes, there's like three squares or something, and yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 16:37

Yeah, so you know, jingles, poopy, the goop, and it knows where you are, picks up the poop for you, takes it away.

SPEAKER_01: 16:45

It's the future, Williams. So if there is no episode seven of First Gnomes, it's because you'll find us on Amazon with with first look poopy freezy spray, perfect for launching at your neighbour's greenhouse when they've annoyed you. Or the drone system for the real posh people out there. The poop drone. Jingle jangle poopy. Pick it up, freeze it, take it away, put it on a boat, send it to the middle of the ocean, instead of a plastic, instead of a plastic island, there's a dog island. There is the Isle of Dogs. I mean you can next to the Isle of Dog Poop. The Isle of Dogs like Italy and Sicily. Isle of Dogs, Isle of Dog Poop. I'm not quite sure how we go on to this, Williams. No, I don't know. What was your first look again?

SPEAKER_02: 17:37

Go back to it. Oh snow, snow. The first look at snow this year in Columbus. First look at snow.

SPEAKER_01: 17:43

That's uh we hope you've enjoyed the snow, wherever you may be. Well, yeah. Some of our listeners in Surrey, so my friend Anthony, who lives in Mission in BC, he sent me a picture recently. And it was, I think it was I think he is he one of our listeners. No, I've never told him about this podcast, but he might be. But he sent us a he sent me a picture, and he said, Yeah, fresh dump of snow. And I'm I'm not kidding you. It looked like a foot. And I said, How deep is that? And I'm sure he said it was either 36 or 39 centimetres, like in one night. Yeah, that's that's deep. That's a lot of snow.

SPEAKER_02: 18:22

And yeah, corn was shut down at six inches.

SPEAKER_01: 18:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 18:25

Absolutely shut down.

SPEAKER_01: 18:26

We're just not made for it, are we over here?

SPEAKER_02: 18:28

No.

SPEAKER_01: 18:29

He complained, so he sent me that picture. Now he was getting a bus, so he works at a safe way. And he get he got the bus. They always wait in the business.

SPEAKER_02: 18:37

You don't know the dangerous way, do you?

SPEAKER_01: 18:38

Well, so he he's working in the safe way over there, and he's getting a bus at like five o'clock in the morning. He said, The bloody bus didn't come. I'm like, I'm not surprised. Look at the snow, you moron. So, but he still had to get to work somehow. So, yeah. They're made of stronger stuff in Canada wells. They are, they are made of proper stuff, none of this six inches, let's let's stop.

SPEAKER_02: 19:03

But like, no, it's just a bit of snow. Six inches is nothing.

SPEAKER_01: 19:07

Not to the Canadians, no. They don't even start complaining until it gets to at least two feet. Then it's a slight inconvenience. But uh, you know. What you do with electric rally on this.

SPEAKER_02: 19:25

It's the time of the show where I do some dad jokes. Some more dad jokes. Well, I'm practicing. I'm practicing.

SPEAKER_01: 19:31

Can I give you a word of advice? Uh oh yeah. Actually, remember the joke before you tell it this time. For those who have managed to make it all the way to the end of the podcast, earlier on in the podcast, Williams tried to tell it for that joke, but couldn't remember the joke. So just said something about alright pirates? Oh oh pirates, and then paused. So I mean, by all means tell your dad jokes.

SPEAKER_02: 19:57

What is the pirate's favorite favourite letter of the alphabet?

SPEAKER_01: 20:00

Arrr No, the C That's the same punchline as you used on the other pirate joke. Is every pirate joke you tell just end in the sea the sea?

SPEAKER_02: 20:13

How do birds fly?

SPEAKER_01: 20:14

Don't know. They wing it. I love your self-deprivation at the end of these. You tell these with such glee, but then then then we go, oh dear. Oh dear. I just said that out loud. Doesn't stop you though, does it?

SPEAKER_02: 20:30

What? No. It just encourages me to do more. What's the best thing about Switzerland?

SPEAKER_01: 20:37

Um around? I don't know. What's the best thing about Switzerland? No, well, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02: 20:44

Flag's a big plus.

SPEAKER_01: 20:51

Uh very good. See now again, I'm not stereotyping here. We have foreignists from around the world that may not know what the Swiss flag looks like. So you may need to Google the Swiss flag to understand what that joke was.

SPEAKER_02: 21:06

Yeah, they don't deserve to have a joke then.

SPEAKER_01: 21:09

How do you make a tissue dance?

SPEAKER_02: 21:11

How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.

SPEAKER_01: 21:17

Tissue? Is that you know like a ring of ring of roses? A tissue, a tissue. A tissue, a tissue. Does that mean to be a tissue is the sound that you make when you sneeze? Or is a tissue as in the saying, I want the tissue? A tissue, a tissue, where all the. Is that what's called tissue? So a tissue. It's other what's called tissue paper.

SPEAKER_02: 21:38

Mind blown.

SPEAKER_01: 21:40

Couldn't it? Would make a lot of sense.

SPEAKER_02: 21:42

Tissue, a tissue. No, it must be asking for a tissue. It's gotta be.

SPEAKER_01: 21:45

Well, maybe it's just an oise of a tissue, a tissue. I'm sneezing. So we need something to catch that. Let's make this thing called tissue. Tissue paper for a tissues. I don't know. There'll be someone, there'll be someone clever that is writing.

SPEAKER_02: 22:00

If you know the answer to that, please do write. Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 22:04

Any more dad jolks?

SPEAKER_02: 22:05

And if you know, do you need well do you know do you know where eggplants come from?

SPEAKER_01: 22:10

I I do not know where eggplants come from.

SPEAKER_02: 22:13

Chicken plants? Oh dear. Horse fro.

SPEAKER_01: 22:20

Horse fro. He's gonna he is in for a he's gonna your your kid is gonna get so many dad jokes over the coming years.

SPEAKER_02: 22:37

Hi! Bye everybody! Hi everybody!

SPEAKER_01: 22:41

Night night for those of you who've never listened to before, Sprite.

SPEAKER_02: 22:56

I'm anxious I'm an anxiously normal name service will resume soon.