Gnome Vault: Eurovision Nostalgia, Cult Classic Films, New Year’s Resolutions & Perfect Darts

We open the gnome vault and wander from Eurovision nostalgia to cult-film absurdity, then land on Tom Cruise stunts, a New Year’s resolutions countdown, and the most electric leg of darts at Ally Pally. It’s a lively tour of spectacle, fandom, and why shared silliness sticks.

• Eurovision voting memories and chaotic performances
• Cult cinema as joyful escape and meme fuel
• Franchise news, Henry Cavill moves, Bond speculation
• Tom Cruise’s cliff stunt and practical effects
• Top ten New Year’s resolutions and behaviour change
• Darts culture at Ally Pally and crowd theatre
• The greatest nine-darter and Wayne Mardle’s call

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Chapters

• 0:00 Opening The Gnome Vault
• 0:18 Listener Feedback Pond
• 0:40 Eurovision Memories And Mayhem
• 2:28 Weird Films And Cult Classics
• 4:58 Superheroes, Witchers, And Bond Speculation
• 7:59 Transformers Nostalgia And Megan Fox
• 10:30 Stunts And Tom Cruise’s Obsession
• 13:19 New Year’s Resolutions Countdown

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:02

Whilst Williams and Hodgkiss pencil in a recording date in their new 2026 calendars, we open the gnome vault and look back in the archives.

SPEAKER_01: 0:18

Let's head down to the pond of feedback.

SPEAKER_03: 0:22

It's uh I can insert special effects and sounds, you know, but uh well just in case you're busy, you know, you are you you you have a child you any day now, so you may be busy. You may not have time to insert special sound effects. Are you a Eurovision fan, Williams?

SPEAKER_01: 0:43

I am actually. I am. I hate to admit it, but he was good, wasn't he? Well and I didn't watch this.

SPEAKER_03: 0:54

The one near the UK actually do pretty well.

SPEAKER_01: 0:55

Yeah, I only I only watched the nil point ones, but uh what do you like about Eurovision? I don't know, right? I just have fond memories as a as a kid, and for some reason we usually at my grandparents, and we just we'd stay up like really late because it was the days where they used to go through every single school. Now they just like skip to 10, 11, 12 points, whereas before they used to go through every single point. Take eight hours and it would go on for yeah, it would literally go on for eight hours, and yeah, I just had like odd memories of staying up late and just cheering on Britain and going, Oh, we didn't get any points. But that's silly, and then and then like there's the random just the random countries where I don't know, they're a drunken robot or they're you know got their cleavages out or something, you know.

SPEAKER_03: 1:44

You missed a good one last year, so there was a there was a again exactly what you're talking about. There was a couple of countries where they just sent scantily clad Eastern European women who were just in skin tight clothes. It was always awful, awful to look at. And then there was a there was a country who sung about a wolf and a grandma and a banana. So it was like it's instead of eating my oh goodness grace, I'm trying to think of what it's uh I think uh I saw there was some the uh The Bitquis of the Year.

SPEAKER_01: 2:14

Yes, I think they are.

SPEAKER_03: 2:15

Oh, were they?

SPEAKER_01: 2:15

Okay, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 2:16

So it's like if my wolf is a grandma, don't eat my banana. I can't remember the words, someone somebody will remember. But it was very weird and very strange. What was the movie called? Man baby. Man baby. So I think we don't talk about it. We just leave we just we just plant that there, and if people want to go and look at what Man Baby is, they can go and they can go and figure it out.

SPEAKER_01: 2:41

Yeah, take a look if you're like us to take a first look at it. Let us know. Let us know. And if there's enough interest there, maybe we even invite the director on for a chat. We'll talk about it. It's cocaine. Just looks just looks ridiculous. It's another am I right? Am I right that it's a bear that came across a pack of cocaine and snorted it all? Went down a rampage.

SPEAKER_03: 3:08

So, yes, it's only in Canada. So there was um it's probably not even in Canada, it's probably it's probably somewhere in kind of I think it is maybe not actually. Not sure. But uh I watched Montana, maybe. I watched um yeah, I watched the trailer for cocaine bear and again. I would recommend you do because it's it's a bit like do you remember the Meg and all these there's all these random movies which are so over the top, and you think that's gonna be awful. But at the same time, a lot of people are still just like, I just want to escape for an hour and a half and watch something that's absolute tosh. Cocaine Band.

SPEAKER_01: 3:45

Sounds like one that could be a cult following as well.

SPEAKER_03: 3:47

Yeah, it does. There's all there's always has been, hasn't it? There's all the human centipede, there's all these kind of random movies where it's like, okay, it's it's do you remember that episode of um I think it was the episode of South Park where they set up Family Guy and there's dolphins in tanks, and they're like, right, so this is how family guy writers work. In the first tank, there is an adjective, in the second tank, there is a scenario, and in the third tank, there is a celebrity. So let's put them all together. So it's like uh angry California Brad Pitt, and there's a do you remember that time where we were in California and met angry Brad Pitt, and then Angry Brad Pitt would start hitting somebody? So it sounds like those kinds they're doing the same kind of thing with cocaine bear or human centipede or whatever. Let's just find two random words and put them together. But as you say, this one's based on a true story. So somewhere in somewhere in North America.

SPEAKER_01: 4:44

I've I've never seen it, but I'm presuming human centipede isn't based on a true story. I would like to hope not.

SPEAKER_03: 4:50

I don't think I don't think um anatomically they would survive. Oh yes. Now that now that the rock's been kicked out of the DCE universe.

SPEAKER_01: 5:04

Yeah. Yeah, that was sad because sold um I'm a big fan of Henry Campbell. And uh for different reasons, probably yeah. Um but yeah, bless him. He he announced that he's he was confirmed for another Superman film, and then about a week later, oh sorry now actually.

SPEAKER_03: 5:28

Uh yes, but all that does is means in six years' time when he comes back and plays older Superman or like look at look at what they're doing now with um Michael Keaton and frees him up because he was also so he's left the Witcher.

SPEAKER_01: 5:40

Yes, he has, hasn't he? Hemsworth's coming in for that. Liam Hemsworth is is taking that. So I think it's just freeing up his James Bond potential.

SPEAKER_03: 5:49

Wallyams.

SPEAKER_01: 5:50

That's a great Henry Capell. I think all this is just in the background stuff for James Bond. I get a fiver on that, Williams. You've heard it, but you've had a first look here. Big franchise, I think.

SPEAKER_03: 6:09

It was great when Megan Fox was in it. That's about 20 years ago, yeah, probably. Everyone, every man of our age remembers fixing the engine and uh in the orange crop top and the jean. It was true. It was the introduction to Megan Fox, and everyone was just like, She is beautiful. I'm sure she still is inside and out. Never met her. She could be a terrible bitch. If you're listening, Megan Fox, and you want to come on the podcast, give Dan a mention, give him a call, send him a message. Bless you, he'll try not to sneeze on you.

SPEAKER_01: 6:47

Excuse me.

SPEAKER_03: 6:49

Yes, that's just a sound. Yes, for anybody who knows as well, whenever you uh whenever you mention Megan Fox, Wallyum sneezes.

SPEAKER_01: 6:58

Yeah, I have a reaction where fluid explodes out. Out of my nose. Out of my nose. Wally H's. Excuse me. Sorry, moving on.

SPEAKER_03: 7:10

Go on Google and type in Tom Cruise Motorcycle Cliff and just because every Emission Impossible movie has to do something more extreme. I don't quite know how the the man's incredible. Regardless of what you think about him and his Scientology and him being nuts, in terms of his focus and like he's got a helicopter license, he's got a playing licence, the man's in his 60s, he's fit as a fiddle. Just just what he they've they've done them, they've released the main stunt for the film already. Or at least a stunt for the film. Well, have they? And it it's just batshit crazy. You think fair play, and they've done it really, he does it himself, and that's one to look forward to. It looks great. Just for for just for shits and giggles. So New Year's resolutions, Williams. So the top ten most common news resolutions. What would you guess they are? What would you imagine the most popular news resolution is?

SPEAKER_01: 8:12

I would say one of them is losing the weight. Number two on the list. Number two, I would say things like get a new job.

SPEAKER_03: 8:20

Uh no, get a new job is not in the top ten. Now, this is from Goskills.com, just so you know. So if anybody wants to check out where I'm getting the list from, it's from a guy called Brad Zomick. So number two on his top ten most common resolutions. Number two is lose weight. Do you want me to go from the top ten and we'll do a countdown? Do do do do do do do do do do do do do. So number ten is to read more. See how many of these you think yourself, while obviously you listeners, how many of them you think yeah, that's what I'm trying to do this year. Listen to more podcasts. That's not that's number eleven. Yeah. Listen to more first look at gnomes. So listen to first look at gnomes number eleven. Number ten, read more. Number nine is travel more. Number eight, spend more time with family and friends. Number seven, quit smoking. Number six is to save more money and spend less money. Number five, how how vague is this? Live life to the fullest. That's people's needs of evolution. Number four, learn a new skill or hobby. Number three, get organized. Number two, lose weight. And number one is to exercise more. Which I suppose ties into number two. Which is why they're kind of tied together. But I guess some people don't need to lose weight, they just need to actually get fitter.

SPEAKER_01: 9:41

So it's the time of season where you see all the gym adverts and all the healthily eating and all that.

SPEAKER_03: 9:47

You see you see gym adverts and you see holiday adverts. It's because it's cold and miserable. So you've got people who are just like, I don't want to go on a diet, I want to eat crap still, but I want to think about somewhere warm. So you've got two injet two selling stuff. She follows someone called a travel mad mom, who's a mom and husband of the travel, and they've got two or even three kids now. And you think fair play to them. I I it would never suit me, I couldn't do it. I'd just be getting stressed out. But they're just these kind of bohemian people who are, you know, going to random tropical islands. And you think fair play, fair play to these people who do random stuff with the kids. I was quite happy just to keep the kid alive, never mind taking it to a tropical island. But no, the only other first look I had today, Williams, was we talked on the last podcast on the Christmas special about the last 16 of darts, and we had our first look at what I would class and Wayne Mardell would class, and many other people would class as the best leg of darts we've ever seen in the history of darts. So, listeners, for those who are not into darts, the the PDC, the Professional Darts Corporation, every Christmas hold their annual World Championship. And it's a great tournament. They hold it at the Alexandria Palace in London. They have two sessions a day. Each session holds three to four thousand people. The fans who go there are just going for a good time. They go for the crack, they get dressed up, they drink beer, they have a party, and it is fun. And dance is a you can argue whether it's a sport or if it's a game.

SPEAKER_01: 11:28

We need we need to go one day. We need to go one day.

SPEAKER_03: 11:30

Have you never been? Ali Pali Wallyams. You miss I will take you to the Ali Pali.

SPEAKER_01: 11:36

Our friend Morg's on the final.

SPEAKER_03: 11:38

We we went I went with the boys minus Walem 12 years ago. I took Leslie Ann. You're on you're on TV, we were on TV, yes. But one of the funniest things is I went with Leslie Ann and we sat in the bleachers, and so you can see all the tables. Now, obviously, the tables are laid out in like a grid set grid. So we were set there and there was a game going on. All of a sudden, four four Pac-Man ghosts come running in and they start going through the tables. So you've got all these ghosts, and from the bleachers you can see it. It looks like a Pac-Man game. And then about ten seconds later, who comes in? Pac-Man chases all the ghosts around the tables. Well, there's a there's a dance match going on that's worth about 25 grand to whoever wins it. The crowd are going wild, there's beer everywhere, and every time Pac-Man catches a ghost, he jumps on top of them, and the ghost lies on the floor. And you know, it's just it's just silly. It's just a silly way to spend four or five hours. So I can't believe you've never been. Wells, I'll have to take you, mate.

SPEAKER_01: 12:36

No are you a brown sauce or a tomato ketchup, man? I like both. Bacon sandwich. At the same time.

SPEAKER_02: 12:44

Same time. Top slice of blood red sauce, bottom slice of bread of brown sauce, next together is like the fruity sauce. Fruity sauce is what I like.

SPEAKER_03: 12:54

I'm sure we'll comment on it, but um So they're both on nine data. Michael Van Gowen, he gets his first art, gets his second dart, his third dart is for double twelve to hit the nine data, and he misses it. So then everyone's like, Oh no, but then Michael Smith hasn't attempted it, and he goes, I want to say it's treble twenty, treble nineteen, and then he goes double twelve and he gets it, and the place erupts. And you literally, if you if you go on YouTube or Sky Sports, that's when the tide the tide changed. Oh, it was it was just incredible. And a guy called Wayne Mardle, who used to be a darts player himself, was doing the commentary and is like, I got spike, I got spike. It was it was just it was like it's 90 seconds of pure perfection, and it's summer it sums up what the Alexandra Palace, the PDC, and the darts is all about. If if any listeners are into tungsten drama, then give it a watch just because it's good fun, really good fun. Even Lesniana had to have a sneaky look and be like, what's going on here? You know, she can't stand the thing. She even though she've been, she's still not really interested, but she can she can appreciate the darts. It's not Christmas without the darts. In the United Kingdom, it's not Christmas without the darts.

SPEAKER_01: 14:11

No. You can't I got told off because my niece, who's sick, so this is this this is this is the first joke, obviously.

SPEAKER_03: 14:21

Sorry, sorry, yes.

SPEAKER_01: 14:22

But um my niece, she's she's into doing jokes, she hasn't quite got the idea how jokes work yet, but she does them. And but she had one joke that was an actual sort of cracker joke. But then I I guessed it. And everyone has looked at me and go, you don't know.

SPEAKER_03: 14:40

Sorry, sorry, Wallyams. Sorry, I shouldn't I w I will not ruin the next one for you. Can you edit that one out?

SPEAKER_01: 14:49

What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?

SPEAKER_03: 14:52

I don't know, Williams. What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?

SPEAKER_01: 14:56

Rubber toe. 3rd of January. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up?

SPEAKER_03: 15:06

I don't know. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up?

SPEAKER_01: 15:09

Because it was too tired.

SPEAKER_03: 15:11

Ah, very good.

SPEAKER_01: 15:14

What do what do computers what do computers eat for a snack?

SPEAKER_03: 15:19

Oh, it's gonna be something bites, is it? I don't know, Aliams. What do computers eat?

SPEAKER_01: 15:23

Microchips.

SPEAKER_03: 15:24

Microchips, quickly quick, very good.

SPEAKER_01: 15:27

Why do hummingbirds have no aliams? Because they don't know the words. Very good. And today's joke, um actually it's not a joke, it's not funny at all actually. Um today's news. Um did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

SPEAKER_03: 15:42

Well he uh stuff. They're terrible, but they are brilliant.

SPEAKER_00: 16:08

Please review five star rate and follow the podcast. Send your own first looks to firstlook gnomes at outlook.com.