First Look Gnomes
Two Dads doing Silly Things.
About First Look Gnomes
Welcome to First Look Gnomes – your all-access pass to quirky insights, unexpected discoverables, and offbeat humour that makes learning fun. Hosted by "Walliams" (broadcasting from the bottom of his garden in Cornwall, England) and Mr Hodgkiss (sharing stories straight from his Garden in Belfast, Northern Ireland), this podcast blends random yet fascinating trivia with genuine, heart-warming dad-jokes and thought-provoking conversation.
Twice a month, these two dads dive into topics that range from historical oddities and bizarre cultural titbits to contemporary curiosities and everyday marvels.
Whether you’re seeking engaging entertainment, a fresh dose of unconventional education, or simply a friendly chat about life’s hidden wonders, First Look Gnomes is here to surprise, enlighten, and delight.
For listeners worldwide—(including those in Laos)—our show is designed to attract curious minds eager for unique, bite-sized revelations.
Tune in on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, and all major platforms, and join our community of inquisitive souls who celebrate learning with a laugh.
Remember: Good things come to gnomes who wait… and to those who subscribe, rate, and review!
First Look Gnomes
Peter Kay’s Tour, The Darkness Tour & Helifest Cornwall | Comedy, Rock & Festival First Look
🎧 In this episode of First Look Gnomes, we’re taking three very different trips into live entertainment — from belly laughs to big riffs and even a festival with helicopters!
👉 First up, we explore Peter Kay’s Tour, the long-awaited comedy comeback that’s packing out arenas and proving why Kay is still the king of observational humour.
👉 Then, it’s time to crank up the volume with The Darkness Tour — glam rock, falsetto vocals, and a show that’s as outrageous as ever. But does the nostalgia still hit as hard today?
👉 Finally, we shine a spotlight on Helifest in Cornwall, a family-friendly music festival supporting the Cornish Air Ambulance. With live acts, local community vibes, and an important cause, it’s more than just a festival — it’s a celebration with heart.
Whether you’re into stand-up comedy, rock concerts, or UK festivals with a cause, this episode gives you a first look at it all.
After weeks in renovation hell learning about specialised vacuum cleaners, we finally escaped for some much-needed entertainment with a two-for-one special of live shows. Sometimes you need Peter Kay and The Darkness to remind you there's more to life than HEPA filters and plasterboard dust.
• Peter Kay's show feels like a "greatest hits" tour with the comedian doing a tribute act to himself
• Phoenix Nights perfectly captured the characters and atmosphere of British working men's clubs
• The Darkness proved they're much more than a one-hit wonder with impressive guitar solos and rock performances
• Brazilian sweet "Rapadurhina" gets a cautious review as a first bite
• Helifest in Cornwall combines helicopters, emergency vehicles, and festival fun for families
• Skip crowded pubs after concerts and head to hotel bars instead for quicker service and comfortable seating
• Regular dental check-ups save money – £125 per filling adds up quickly when you've avoided the dentist for decades
Join us next time for more adventures, and don't forget to check out the recently published Gnome Vault episodes featuring highlights from our past shows!
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episode five bad boys with power to rock you blowing your mind, you gotta get into episode five. What you're waiting for? If you want a three, two, one, let's do it. Slam dunk season four episode five yeah, if we make it that far, yeah, I can't remember what other season five would be, all five songs well, they did.
Speaker 2:We were all rocky, didn't I? Because I remember gonna rock, I'm gonna rock you baby, which just made some people's I think I've done where they get uh sing it.
Speaker 1:I think I did that one that would that sounds familiar, I think.
Speaker 2:I mean we probably should listen back to our content, but then we'd have to listen back to our content, so we'll do that.
Speaker 1:I won't, mr valia? Good on the note, you can listen back to some content on the recently published Gnome Vault episodes, which are little short, relux old episodes, so you can look at those Summary.
Speaker 2:Yes, I have been very busy and finding time at the minute where I'm not covered in either plasterboard, mould, wood, concrete or just some other kind of crap. It's pretty hard, isn't it? And you can't vacuum it up, can you? So I've discovered a whole new world of vacuums.
Speaker 1:A whole new world of vacuums.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so like there's different kinds of depending on dust, different types of dust and mold, so we've found some interesting things in house renovations and you can't just use like we just felt like when I'm stick vacuum cleaners, I won't mention brands, but they don't suck up any of this crap. It's just like, oh, why would this work? If you want your brand mentioned, sponsor us, yeah, sponsor us. Send us something that sucks up plasterboard dust. Yeah, do we want, but yeah, you have to have HEPA filters and all these different stuff. Hepa filters.
Speaker 2:HEPA filters.
Speaker 1:Oh, h-e-p-a, h-e-p-a, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Because they're for finer dust and you can't just suck up anything, because you clog up your motors and you can't just have paper bags. If you suck up, say, a piece of plasterboard, it'll rip the paper bag and then you can't get stuff. Honestly, it's a I'm boring myself talking about it, but yeah, vacuum cleaners, vacuum cleaners, gentlemen, so this is why we haven't made a podcast At the minute. The At the minute, the only things I had to talk about the content is getting wet. Yeah, what have you done recently? That's new.
Speaker 1:Nothing.
Speaker 2:I've discovered vacuum cleaners Today's episode is about vacuum cleaners. Yeah, henry, dyson, charles, all of them. We should do a test on vacuum cleaners, my first look. So I've got a two-for-one special today, william. I've got a two-for-one special today, william. I've got a two-for-one special, a two-for, and I'm going to follow it with a couple of tips for dads. Tips for dads we have been in renovation hell, shall we say. We're not the first people, we weren't the last, but we got a bit of respite this week because we had excuse me, sorry, listen pardon me, I'm on the bierre continentals, the little french lager stubbies, and they're very gassy I can't believe.
Speaker 2:You just interrupted me with a belch of that. Pardon. Sorry, spatcher, sorry, goodness you animal, where was I? So we were in renovation hell. You may have heard me talk about vacuum cleaners, which shows you where my head's at at the minute. It's not a fun place to be, but this week we had pre-booked tickets such a long time ago and then it turned out we had two things to go and see in one week, so it's two for one special, so this week we were.
Speaker 2:We were really lucky and this was really. These were two really nice things today, two of my favorite things. One, when I saw peter k live oh nice on his tour. That's been touring for about 72 years longest tour ever. Yeah, longest tour ever. We went and saw him on his tour and then on saturday we went and saw the darkness.
Speaker 1:Hey, he was being supported by ash, so we had I think they've been supported by ash when we saw them 20 years ago yeah, we, that's what I said.
Speaker 2:I'm sure we've seen them support bash before, so but uh, yeah, I mean two like pk is one of my favorite comedians. I hope you're not the fear. Yeah, uh, and the darkness are one of my favourite ever bands. So I hate to name all of that. So I'm closing out when I see Peter Kay at the SSE Arena in Belfast and I don't know, I don't want to give any spoilers away because there's still people who haven't seen this show he's been doing and he does like a gig every kind of three weeks somewhere across the country and I suppose the only this doesn't give any spoilers.
Speaker 2:But the only way I can describe it is it's a Peter Kay show. So you know a lot of comedians will every tour. They just play a new comedy and they just do their act. Peter Kay has some kind of skits that he does that everyone knows him for now, like the kind of misheard lyrics, the guitar, like the Amarillo song, all that. So it was almost like the show was almost like the greatest hits of Peter Kay. It was almost like a tribute act to Peter Kay by Peter Kay. So it was a bit weird. It was very good I should just start by saying that but it was very much like he hadn't prepared anything. It was just there and just thought let's just see what happens, let's just let's just talk, talk to the audience, feel the audience. So it was. It was like it was like a great sense. It was like the old tour. So I remember going to see him in 2011 on his tour.
Speaker 2:My mum wants a bungalow tour, so he did like. He did the top of the tower, one which I think really broke him. Then he did the one at Bolton Albert Halls. Then he did the One More Once a Bungalow tour. I mean it was really massive and that was like the biggest grossing comedy tour of all time and that was one where he did a few things like the Miss O' Lyrics and the Spade Shovel and a few of his other kind of acts or kind of famous or memorable things. So this new tour there's yeah, it's a bit like a greatest hits tour with some new material thrown in, but it was warm, it was funny, the audience liked it enjoyed it yeah, we enjoyed it when my mom and dad and leslie and we saw christmas.
Speaker 2:We don't buy each other presents because, like, what do you buy your mom and dad, really? And we'd rather just kind of spend time with them. So we always found that, instead of buying buying presents that are just nonsense we try and find something that all of us are like can we go and have a night out? Yeah, and like we buy their tickets and now buy our tickets, which is, yeah, I think you're buying around, but it's, it's the point. It's like, no, instead of giving them money, we're going to spend the money on a night out. So that was lovely.
Speaker 1:Seated together, or do you buy them seats on the other side of the arena?
Speaker 2:The length of it sort of went down. I needed a boundary sitter.
Speaker 1:So you know it's not the same time, can we?
Speaker 2:No, we all went together and it was my dad's first time at the arena. I think he was a bit like what's? Oh, this is big, he said. The last time he was at an arena like this was in 1991 for Eurasia, the NEC in Birmingham, and so that was. That was interesting, kind of seeing mum and dad, kind of in that environment yeah it was cool, it was good. And Peter Kay, I mean Peter Kay, he's just funny is this tour ever gonna end?
Speaker 2:is there an end in sight? Because he's obviously enjoying it. He's obviously he's money. The fans want to see it he's. He's a bit of a legend, peter k, I think he's. He looks very different now, like he's lost all of his weight, yeah, and obviously he's got older. So he looks older, yeah, and it's. It's funny, isn't it, when you know someone so well, you're someone who's so prominent and there's always been a bigger guy, especially he was quite young, wasn't he when it, when he first got quite big?
Speaker 1:yeah, he was.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he must have been like in his early 20s or so, yeah, and he was a chubster and now he's like he's older and he's really skinny, so he looks very different. Like physically he looks very different, but Like physically he looks very different. So that's quite like. Oh well, that's Peter Kay. But then you realise how long you've been watching Peter Kay for.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Of course he looks 50. He is the man. He's 50. Yeah so yeah, but he's cool. His tall is good. If you haven't been seeing it, I would recommend going to see it. I know I said those are probably the greatest hits of it. There's a lot of new stuff as well which is really cool.
Speaker 1:I quite fancy watching this show again. What was that series of the Phoenix Knights?
Speaker 2:Yeah, phoenix Knights yeah, phoenix Knights is genius. It was our childhood so living in Wolverhampton, we used to go to the Ex-Servicemen's Club and some of the characters from the clubs the phoenix knights club were in the ex-servicemen's club. Like, oh yeah, there was like there was one called vinegar tits everyone had names. There was a guy called wobble. There was all these different people names and all kind of characters from phoenix knights and phoenix knights captured it.
Speaker 1:Bang on, like really funny and how do you for our? You know we've got listeners in American Asia, a lot in Asia. How, how on earth do you explain something like the Phoenix Knights? It's like I can't.
Speaker 2:It's such a, it's such a cultural thing. They would call it the working men's club, so it was for or ex-servicemen, so it was basically people like to drink and smoke and I haven't got necessarily a lot of money hanging out and just doing life. And it just captured the characters, the real life characters and the, the colloquialisms and the I don't know the nuances of just people who just, you know, work in factories and then go to the pub on a saturday there's there's some band playing and trivia acts and bingo and yeah, I don't know, it's just a way like karaoke, yeah, but just I don't. Actually it's quite nice. It feels quite nostalgic to me because we used to have a fun going there on. The dad you should enjoy it, my mom you should enjoy it.
Speaker 2:We always used to get on saturday night and then like new year's eve and stuff and you know all these characters were. I don't know. They're just it was. It's about cheese. It might cheese the american show, if you told me american people cheese, like where everybody knows your name.
Speaker 1:The service men's clubs were like that, but for working class midlanders and northerners in britain yeah I'm sure there was southern as well but well, the nearest we had to that was probably the railway club. You know, you get a lot of railway stations always have like the railway club right next door and, uh, no windows, just like a big, long metal hut which is super hot as you go inside and then, but like my memories as a kid were like I mean, not that you should go to these sort of places as a kid, but you did back in the day and you go in and it's just like full of smoke.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:I can still smell it now when you sort of think back on memories and you get that cigarette, smoke, alcohol spilled everywhere, people playing darts, people on the gambling machines, fruities yeah, I used to play the fruit in the darts Crazy times Crazy times it was Both my parents were smokers and my dad liked a binger.
Speaker 2:So he's like me, he likes a binger. But my mum used to work there as well, so my mum used to work in the morning club so she worked behind the bar. My nan used to love the bingo so we'd go down for bingo and snooker. I'd like to play snooker there. Do stupid lessons there, plug machine condom, machine urinals with fags and little yellow cubes.
Speaker 2:You know the little yellow cubes in the toilet so strong it's like, why can I smell lemon and piss? It's just oh lovely and just stay. Or what's someone called brian, say, in phoenix nights the guy's called brian. In the club we used to go to, the owner was called brian. Yeah, it is ph. In the club we used to go to, the owner was called Brian. Yeah, it is Phoenix Knights. So we used to go there and then my dad would be like oh dad, what can I do for you? Make yourself useful? My dad would tell me he'd give me instructions.
Speaker 2:Go beyond the bar, ask your mom for an empty crisp box and then go and enter the ashtrays. All right, so then I'd go and get this box, this crisp box, like a box of snaps or cheese and onion crisp. There were no crisps in it. And I'd go around all the tables and I'd see all the ashtrays. That's a Carling ashtray, that's a Carlsberg ashtray, that's a Holston Pills ashtray. So all these ashtrays, go and get them, mum. You know, there you go, mum, I helped you out, really probably like foreign kind of memories to other people what used to go around with the box yeah, ashtrays, yeah, ashtrays, yeah, and then, but these like.
Speaker 2:So, on a saturday they'd have a dj on till nine o'clock. Then they'd have half an hour off when they do a raffle or they do a game called the box, where there's a box with money in it and you have to pick a key to unlock the box. And, as this was happening, you'd have a buffet with like chicken, drumsticks and sandwiches, and then a guy would come in, like the fish man would come in selling like cockles and pepperamis and stuff off of a tray. That's an old thing.
Speaker 1:What a bit of a. Thing.
Speaker 2:And pork scratchings and just all these random things and it was just normal life. I mean, it was a special night if I had like a balloon drop. So on new year's eve a balloon drop, yeah. So like on new year's eve every year, they had like um, on the roof someone had painted like a bit of tarp and filled it with balloons, and then at midnight when you look out, like two, no, nine, seven, six, five, four, five.
Speaker 1:All these balloons drop.
Speaker 2:The top down. All these balloons come down and you're like, oh, it's a big night tonight. Put the budget in, get some cash, play for some balloons and, like you'd have to, you'd think oh, we've got where we were so innocent about plastic and things. Yeah, there's balloons and you never blow up balloons as well. You seem so hard. Yeah, if you got good balloons it was easy. But then, if you got shitty balloons, mum, I feel dizzy.
Speaker 1:Keep blowing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and your cheeks right here, yeah, your bloodshot eyes and this balloon. What did one go through? Did you this balloon?
Speaker 1:What did one go through? You feel your jaw pop as a boom.
Speaker 2:You feel your jaw pop when you hear she's like what was that balloon made of? It'd be interesting to kind of Google what were balloons made of in circa 1994. So that's Phoenix Nights for people. I don't think we've made it any clearer for anybody there. We've just done nostalgia. You used to have loads of plastic balloons.
Speaker 1:You used to have ashtrays. There's a smoke inside uh-huh there was.
Speaker 2:There was gallons and gallons of alcohol oh yeah, we used to have like a two liter bottle of coke and just yeah, there you go, have me two liter bottle of coke. Nobody, nobody had a name. There was no one with a name other than Brian. Everyone else had a nickname.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Dave.
Speaker 2:Dave, there was a guy called VT, which stood for Vinegar Tuts.
Speaker 1:Yeah, VT.
Speaker 2:And there's all these people with these nicknames and they went oh, that's VT.
Speaker 1:And you just think, saggy maggot, you just think how do we Wobble?
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's a guy called Wobble, we call him Wobble. You're like, what goodness? This is my form of TV. You hear it, but I don't know. But yeah, so we saw Peter Kane.
Speaker 1:Sorry, yeah, what's the series, if you can? Well, you said this is basically a two-for-one. This is going to be yes, and darkness.
Speaker 2:The darkness are one of my favorite bands. I know they're a bit of a jay band, but when you and I were at university many years ago- um the flying.
Speaker 1:The flying white tiger got stuck. Canada, go backwards well, that's true.
Speaker 2:Yes, so we went to see. So what my name's referring to there is we went to see the Darkness about 20 years ago on their permission to land tour.
Speaker 1:I think it would have been like a November before Christmas one as well.
Speaker 2:It was because they played the Christmas song and brought out Christmas trees and stuff, didn't they? And, yeah, they're still going strong. So the last kind of six years they've released an album every couple of years and their newest one has a song called rock and roll party cowboy, which is an. It's such a fun tune and, yeah, I've always been a big fan of darkness. So we went to them at custom house square and it was a beautiful night. My sister was over from stockton and we took her and we went to. We went for food, went to the darkness, they rocked the place and it was just brilliant.
Speaker 2:I know a lot of people like the darkness. Well, I know a comedy band and they've only got like one song. But if you like guitar riffs and you're into a bit of like rock and roll, proper rock and roll they, they can. Those boys can play. I'm telling you like some of the guitar solos are epic and I'd love a guitar solo. Like what's not to love? A bag guitar solo. So we had a great time while we rocked my little pants off. So, yeah, it was a really good couple of events to blow away the cobwebs of renovation and have a bit of fun, because I don't feel like we've had a lot of fun this. The last five weeks. It's just been all work, work, work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, good time, this was nice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we did. We had a very good time. That's about it really. Darkness and Peter Kay, I would give both of them 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10? How many somethings I would give the? Actually, I'd give you darkness more somethings than peter k. Wow, peter k, I would give nine somethings out of somethings and give the darkness 10 somethings out of millions or add that to our somethings league table on the website.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'd rather if I could only do one of them again. I'd go to the darkness okay really wow, wow did you have a pint. When you were there, I, I don't know, I didn't go in, or did you have a first bite? I had Both a pint and first bite Bites, and first bites Bites, and first bites.
Speaker 1:It's that time of the show Bites, and first bites what?
Speaker 2:do you think, greg?
Speaker 1:Is it going to be? Is it going to be a pint or a first bite?
Speaker 2:can we, can we? What was the blankety blank thingy?
Speaker 1:team right pints and first bites pints and first bites pints and first bites pints and first bites pints and first bites pints and first bites.
Speaker 2:Is that plagiarism? Are we allowed to get away with that? We're not famous. No one's paying us any money. We can get away with it. It's fine. Pants on the pants.
Speaker 1:Pants on the pants, pants on the pants, pants on the pants. Do you think it's going to be a pint or a first bite, mr Oshkiss?
Speaker 2:100%. It's going to be a first bite.
Speaker 1:It's going to be. A first bite, yay, yay. So today, mr Oshkicus, we've got a Rappatorohina. I beg your pardon, it's a Rappatorohina. I don't know what that is, so it's a small rectangular, yellow rapid thing. What does it mean? So, archicus, you can sort of describe what that is. I don't really know.
Speaker 2:A Rappatorohina, a Rappatorohina A rapatabina. It looks like it's got a bug on it A rapatabina which is when you say it, then it sounded very authentic. A rapatabina, yeah.
Speaker 1:A rapatabina. A rapatabina, that is from Brazil. Wow, yes, my parents brought this back from Brazil. It's a Raparena de Minas. It has some green leaves on it, so I'm a bit worried it's going to send you to make it high. Yeah, we'll see. It says Fonte Energia. Fonte Energia Energy.
Speaker 2:Energia. So think about it, right, I'm not gonna sleep tonight, am I the way it's?
Speaker 1:it's probably full of cocaine, um it says peso, peso, peso liquido, and it says industrial brazilia, which is brazilian. Um, all the ingredients are in brazilian. I haven't got a clue.
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm sorry, yes, but when you say that, right india, but it's brazil, so you need to sound more portuguese the accents aren't very good, um, which reminds me actually back in Covid days.
Speaker 1:I did a little quiz. Everyone did a quiz, didn't they in the Covid days? Do you remember the quizzes? Yeah, and I did one, and I did, I said guess the film or something, and I said I was basically doing Braveheart.
Speaker 2:But then everyone thought it was an Indian accent. They were dumb, so. But then Everyone thought it was an Indian accent, so. So If you can't tease us that you did Braveheart In an Indian accent and then not do Braveheart In your best impression, that we can hear it and decide for ourselves what's the famous phrase again you can take our lives, but you can never take our freedom, you can take our lives, but you can never take our freedom.
Speaker 1:You can take our lives, but you can never take our freedom. Come here.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness, You're good, right? No, that's the most Scottish I've ever heard. When did break heart come from Danny, Bloody hell.
Speaker 1:It's not Scottish. You can break our hearts. Break our hearts. I'm kidding, bloody hell, it's not Scottish. You can break our hearts. Break our hearts.
Speaker 2:What's it again? You can take our hearts, I don't know. Now I've forgotten. Never take our freedom.
Speaker 1:You can never take our freedom. Freedom, anyways, rapatelina, rapatelina. It's such an idiot, it's a I don't know how would you describe that it looks.
Speaker 2:It looks like it's got. Like Peanut it's got a little.
Speaker 1:It's like a Nougat Peanut. It's like a Nougat Peanut. It's going to be fair.
Speaker 2:It's going to go, shall we. I think you're going to enjoy that. I think it'll be very sweet and very peanutty.
Speaker 1:You expect it to be really hard, but it's not. It's really soft. Like she said, the initial bite was tough and then it melts in your mouth and it's interesting, it has quite a tang. I'm the adjective not sure.
Speaker 2:I like not sure I like it. It was interesting, but not good interesting a wrap of tahina.
Speaker 1:I wouldn't. No, I wouldn't buy it especially because it caused an allergic reaction. Wrap of tahina from brazil. I'll give it four somethings, especially because it causes an allergic reaction. Rapatahina, from Brazil. I'll give it four somethings.
Speaker 2:Four somethings. Can you listeners, can you please write in and tell us how many somethings you'd give Wally's braveheart accent? If you want Wally to do any more accents or say anything else, any of the famous quotes like I'd quite like to see him do Scarface's say hello to my little friend.
Speaker 1:I'm just a bit worried. It says forte de energia. Forte de energia means do not eat. Ha ha. Translate please. Why is it all in translate? Power sauce, oh, just what you need to eat before bed. Yeah, there you go. So I've had my power sauce, so I'm ready to go. Hey.
Speaker 2:I used to be your first look, so you know, oh, I do Gosh right, First look. Oh my God, I was going to do a tip for dads after my.
Speaker 1:We'll do tips for dads.
Speaker 2:We'll do tips for dads after my'll do tips for dad after mine, first look, I'd say so we can scrap the tips for dads. To be honest, I've already talked too much. Today. Your turn. I've got a couple of tips. Okay, well, you do tips for dads today. Let's go, al, let's go First. Looks Woo.
Speaker 1:I feel a bit dizzy after that. I don't know what that was podcast, Mr Hodgekiss, you spoke about. You're a Glastonbury goer. You went to Isle of White.
Speaker 2:Isle of.
Speaker 1:White Isle of White Festival. Well, mr Hodgekiss, we went to a festival. We had our first look at Hellyfest. Hellyfest, hellyfest in Cornwall, which was all for the Cornwall Air Ambulance, so it was they just bought a new helicopter. So in Cornwall there was a festival for basically to celebrate and raise money for the Cornwall Air Ambulance. Nice, they just got a new helicopter which was um around like three million quid, um, and uh yeah, but the, uh, the local community raised money for it, put it together. So that was there. So, yeah, we took logan along and there's the helicopter which you can have a look at and go in and look at, and then there's like fire engines, police cars, coast guard cars, all setting the sirens off and things. So you know, for a little two-year-old he loved it with all the you know all the sirens going off and the you know, and all that stuff.
Speaker 1:But yeah, and there was like a little circus there. So logan got to do some balancing tricks and things, a few bands and they've been famous you know your local bands and things and did different food stalls and things and at one point so the uh, the wife and wife queued up for for pizza, but they had like two pizza ovens with a massive queues there in in the queue for ages.
Speaker 1:I went off with the, with the bag of stuff, and queued up for a pasty, as I, as I would, and but there was a, there was an awkward moment with Oskis. I had, I had the bag with all the coats in, you know, the coat of coat for my wife, the coat for my, the coat for my toddler.
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, very important job.
Speaker 1:I'm in the queue for the pasties. I'm there in the queue on the other side of the field for the pizzas. I'm not quite there yet for the pasties Drops. A ring Start hitting my head. Oh no, Trip, trip, trip. And I Do. I go back and give them their coats? This puts you in an awkward situation. Or do I stand and wait in the queue? Clearly you do. I stood and waited in the queue.
Speaker 2:You're a better man than I am.
Speaker 1:So I got my pasty. Luckily it didn't rain too badly, so it was alright, but I did take the decision to stay in the queue for the pasty.
Speaker 2:Okay, so let me get this right. I took the gamble. Your beautiful wife and gorgeous child are in a queue trying to get sustenance and you've been entrusted with the coats, but you need to bring just in case it gets rain, because you know, nobody likes to get wet and you can lead to pneumonia and all sorts of things. It starts to rain and you've got a choice here Either hero or be things. It starts to rain and you've got a choice here Either hero will be fed, but Cornish pasty.
Speaker 1:That's the key bit here for me.
Speaker 2:I was in the queue for Cornish pasty, you're already 72% Cornish pasty, so you could probably have fed it.
Speaker 1:Perhaps, but the moral of the story is it didn't chuck it down in the rain.
Speaker 2:In the end, what would have happened if I had really started pelting it down?
Speaker 1:Well, the wifey wife listens to this, so I would have rushed across the field, okay, and first of all took off my coat.
Speaker 2:Oh, of course.
Speaker 1:And gave her my coat.
Speaker 2:Double coats, yes, okay. Or what really would have happened is you'd probably have a salty fasting and a very angry wife, and a child who's looking at you thinking.
Speaker 1:I'm not angry at that, I'm just very disappointed and actually once I got the fasting I went next door and queued up for a beer. But we queued up for this ice cream van, probably in a queue for like 20 minutes or something. Yeah, finally get. If I want to get to the the van, there we go a cup of a cone of vanilla, chocolate in a tub and a vanilla in a tub. Thank you very much. That'll be ridiculous price because we're at a festival, thank you. And they say if you could just wait over there now please. Yes, yeah, and then you've got to wait and then you've got to. What do you mean?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, you order ice cream. You get given your ice cream.
Speaker 1:No, you don't then go wait outside. You've got to wait another 20 minutes.
Speaker 2:You're ordering with Jeff and then you had to go and wait for Dahlia to pass it over to you.
Speaker 1:I wasn't happy. They took my money and then did give me my ice cream. Never happened to me in my life. Unbelievable.
Speaker 2:Maybe that was karma for not taking the Coke to your wife and kid when it started to run.
Speaker 1:Maybe it was.
Speaker 2:Was it worth the money? No, oh dear, oh dear. That was alright Unbelievable, jane. You let yourself down Tips for dance, tips for dance. What have you got, Ralph?
Speaker 1:Get your tips and forth Dance.
Speaker 2:So I've got two tips actually. So the first one is related to festivals and gigs and all that kind of jazz.
Speaker 2:So out in the darkness, we stumbled upon this tip and it was just one of those thoughts when you're like, I wonder, could we do that? And it turned out really well. So the darkness there was, there must have been. There was a fair few flowers in this place. It was an outdoor event, so we had pre-booked taxis. We thought we'll go to the gig and then we'll book taxis for like an hour and a half after the gig, because after the gig your ears will be ringing and you're not ready for home. That was good. Your adrenaline's pumping. You're like let's go and get another couple of drinks. Yeah, so gig finishes. We're like, right, let's go to the pub, come on. But then it was so we'd seen Peter Kane on a Thursday night and we were seeing the Darkness on a Saturday night. Peter Kane was also playing on a Saturday night, so as we were coming out of the darkness, we were joined.
Speaker 2:Ah, people were merging with another 6,000 people from the arena 5,000 people all looking for pubs.
Speaker 1:Oh no, and I'm like ah.
Speaker 2:So I said to my sister and my wife I was like, well, let's go over there. And then we looked outside and the queue to get into the pub was shocking. I was like wow. And then the next pub just as busy. And I thought, oh, flip me, we're not. Like Wow, there's too many people All with the same idea here. So what do we do? So here's my tip that's good for the trade, good for the trade of the pubs, not good for the punters Looking for a beer. So here's my tip for dads Don't go for the pubs. Everyone's going for the pubs. You want to drink? Go to the hotels.
Speaker 2:So, yes, we jumped into. We then passed the malmaison. I was like quick push, I got left, walked into the reception and straight into the bar, just pretending like we were guests, just didn't, didn't do anything. Then we guessed yeah, found a really comfy, three big comfy chairs, got to serve within about five minutes and it was brilliant. We were sat outside looking at the thousands of people swimming past, all looking for rooms, while we sat there drinking salted caramel, espresso, martinis and I was like that was a genius move. Now you have to have the confidence to walk in and defeat a guest in the hotel. Yeah, I don't know, we're just, we've been to the gig. Well, they don't mind, she's spending money. Yeah, that was the worry, though, like, oh, you know you're a guest here. No, we're not Off, you go, but we got in. We managed to have a drink. When you're looking for a drink, don't always look at the obvious places.
Speaker 2:Think where else sells best. I'm not going there.
Speaker 1:To drink your salted caramel espresso is where it was. It was very nice, I must admit. My little tip, which is also a little bit of a first look, is look after your teeth. Look after your teeth, Mr Hodgkiss, so for the first time in about 30 years. So first look. As an adult, I went to the dentist.
Speaker 2:When was the last time you went to the dentist? When?
Speaker 1:I was a kid, no.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you were a boy.
Speaker 1:It was the first time and ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching. Oh my gosh, they're expensive, aren't they?
Speaker 2:Have you not been to a dentist before? To you?
Speaker 1:Well, no, because we haven't got an NHS one. The nearest NHS dentist for us was Cardiff, where I looked you are joking and then there was no dentist available to go to. And then, obviously, logan came along and you're meant to get free treatment from the teeth, but you couldn't get in anywhere. And you're meant to get a free treatment from the Tees, but you couldn't get in anywhere. And then I asked a couple of times and then eventually one became available. So we did it to sign Logan up. But obviously, you know, whilst we're signing Logan up, well, get us signed up as well.
Speaker 1:You can't just sign Logan up, you have to have at least one adult. You know he can't pop down there himself and yeah. So, yeah, the first time I went to the dentist and yeah, it's a bit of a money-making machine, isn't it? The dentist? Yeah, but yeah, brush your teeth. So my tips with dads are electric toothbrush, flossing and mouthwash. Do it, it will save you money.
Speaker 2:What did they tell you? You need to have done A root canal.
Speaker 1:I meant to have four, no, so I had the little hygienic thing, which was interesting. It basically scraped my mouth to pieces, but you've got four fillings as well, apparently. Okay, like £125 a pot £125 a filling?
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, that's just the going rate these days like £125 a pop.
Speaker 1:£125 a pop yeah, you are low-paying. No, that's just the go-right these days.
Speaker 2:That's private, yeah, so okay, not to humble brag, but we're with an NHS then, aren't we?
Speaker 1:You've got an NHS? Yeah, of course you have.
Speaker 2:I think it's about £16. Yeah, Because the NHS pays for the rest of it. So that's not what.
Speaker 1:£125 yeah the hygiene thing cost £80 wow to basically have someone so you get put in the chair. Two people would like pin you down to the chair. One chap sticks a knife in your mouth and prods you and cuts you up and then takes out your pound that you want it. So basically it was a mug. Oh, my days, a voluntary mug, basically. Wow, another tip for Dad, some advice, double negatives.
Speaker 2:They're a no-no See you didn you catch me on with that. I thought I was going to be okay, I know what's going on. That's the end of the episode.
Speaker 1:See you in a couple of weeks. See you in a couple of weeks, everyone, Bye everybody, bye, everybody, bye, bye.
