First Look Gnomes
Two Dads doing Silly Things.
About First Look Gnomes
Welcome to First Look Gnomes – your all-access pass to quirky insights, unexpected discoverables, and offbeat humour that makes learning fun. Hosted by "Walliams" (broadcasting from the bottom of his garden in Cornwall, England) and Mr Hodgkiss (sharing stories straight from his Garden in Belfast, Northern Ireland), this podcast blends random yet fascinating trivia with genuine, heart-warming dad-jokes and thought-provoking conversation.
Twice a month, these two dads dive into topics that range from historical oddities and bizarre cultural titbits to contemporary curiosities and everyday marvels.
Whether you’re seeking engaging entertainment, a fresh dose of unconventional education, or simply a friendly chat about life’s hidden wonders, First Look Gnomes is here to surprise, enlighten, and delight.
For listeners worldwide—(including those in Laos)—our show is designed to attract curious minds eager for unique, bite-sized revelations.
Tune in on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, and all major platforms, and join our community of inquisitive souls who celebrate learning with a laugh.
Remember: Good things come to gnomes who wait… and to those who subscribe, rate, and review!
First Look Gnomes
First Cruise with a Toddler on P&O Iona + Isle of Wight Festival at 40
P&O Iona family cruise ! Travel with kids... not your usual UK Travel Podcast
& Isle of Wight Festival at 40
Recent travel adventures, reflecting on the joys and challenges of holidays as 40-something dads while trading dad jokes and first-look experiences.
• Walliams reviews a "bread and butter modern ale" from Vocation Brewery, giving it a 7 out of something
• Mr Hodgkiss recounts his first festival experience as a 40+ year old at Isle of Wight Festival, attending with a group of friends for a stag do
• The festival was geared toward their age group with bands like Sting, Justin Timberlake, and Busted
• Mr Hodgkiss discusses the unexpected creativity of making a poncho out of a bin bag when caught in the rain
• Tips for dads include proper etiquette during aborted plane landings and resisting the urge to comfort strangers
• Updates on Logan's unique animal vocabulary including "yellow up-ups" for giraffes
• Walliams shares his family's first cruise experience aboard P&O Iona to Norwegian fjords
• The cruise included visiting beautiful Norwegian towns and enjoying onboard entertainment with their toddler
• An ice cream afternoon tea featuring multiple desserts per person demonstrated the indulgent nature of cruise dining
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First cruise with a toddler on PI Ona plus Isle of Wight Festival at 40.
Speaker 3:Welcome to First Look Gnomes your go-to podcast for dads doing silly things, share tips for dads and, of course, the dad jokes and the bad jokes, but, most importantly, we're here to share our first looks. Don't forget to send in your feedback to our fish. Bond of feedback and share your thoughts, questions and own first looks with us at.
Speaker 2:To send in your feedback to our fish bond of feedback and share your thoughts, questions and our first looks with us. At first look.
Speaker 3:Now it's at outlookcom three is a magic podcast. Yes, it is. It's a magic podcast somewhere in the ancient mystic trinity. You get three as a magic podcast.
Speaker 2:Episode three episode three mr walliams episode three, season four.
Speaker 3:How are you doing?
Speaker 2:uh, I'm doing okay. It's pure chaos at the minute. So I I am busy, busy, busy, but glad to be here with you sipping some beer, having some chats and just generally podding away, William. So yeah, life is busy, but life is good. How about?
Speaker 3:yourself. Oh, good, good, I might touch upon it later in the podcast, but I've been on holiday. Ooh, I might touch upon it later in the podcast, but I've been on holiday, and on holiday I I bumped into. I bumped into the man that invented the spinning globe.
Speaker 2:It's a small world. Very good, williams, so you didn't actually meet you didn't actually meet the man, the inventor of spinning globe? Yeah, no, I think that was a lie.
Speaker 3:I think they're long dead, I think they um surely it was invented a long time ago spinning globe what is it? You know what spinning globe is?
Speaker 2:a globe like a like an actual, a spinning globe, though the spinning ones. You get them on like fancy study desks yeah, yeah, but I just assume they all spin like what if did? Someone invent a globe and then someone decided, haha, I'll invent the spinning globe, I'll show him and his crappy globe that doesn't spin well, you got the first invented the inflatable globe okay you know for like pool parties and things.
Speaker 2:No, exactly so maybe yeah. What the kinds of globes are there? Inflatable globes, spinning globes? Spinning globes um illuminated globes, stress globes you got their stress globes.
Speaker 3:You know the ones you you squeeze.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the audience can't see my actions he's pumping what he's pumping, ladies and gentlemen, um and you get um globes as in like map globes well, no, because this is a map actually map.
Speaker 2:That's just a map, not a globe it's a flat globe. You're flat globes for the flat boulders yeah, for the flat boulders for the flat earthers. Just a piece of paper. Well, if there's any other globes that we've missed, ladies and gentlemen, please write in to please write in to firstsitnames at outlookcom let us know about your globes. Miss Hodgkiss yes, so tell us about this holiday. Was it good, or are we going to wait for the holiday?
Speaker 3:well, that might be a first holiday. Was it good, or we're gonna wait for?
Speaker 2:the holiday. Possibly it's a tease, that is, ladies and gentlemen, he's teasing us.
Speaker 3:He's teasing us, mr hodgkiss, give us a p? P, give us a eintzen first bites eintzen, first bites.
Speaker 2:What'd you get?
Speaker 3:pints and first bites it's Pints and First Bites time, sponsored by Germany, we'll have a first look at a pint or a bite. What's it going to be today? Is it going to be a pint or a bite?
Speaker 2:I imagine it's going to be a pint.
Speaker 3:Oh, who knows, oh, oh, oh.
Speaker 2:It's a pint. Yay. Welcome to Thirsty First, it's a pint. Yay. Welcome to Thirsty First, it's entirely random.
Speaker 3:It's entirely random. I could have quite easily picked up a pint-shaped snack, but I didn't. You're such an idiot.
Speaker 2:You put your hand in a fridge where there's just cans of beer. Oh, what's that one? I want a beer.
Speaker 3:Oh, that's a pork pie.
Speaker 2:Don't touch the pork pie.
Speaker 3:Today's pint is this has been in the fridge for a while. Actually. This is a Vocation Brewery can, which I believe you actually sent me.
Speaker 2:I bought you that. Yeah, that was on your birthday beer.
Speaker 3:So you're the one to blame for it's quite which, which I believe you actually sent me. So you're the one to blame for it's quite cold, it's over cold. Actually, in my frozen it is a yellow can with what looks like Globes at the top, potentially spinning globes at the top. There you go, that's the moon, you idiot.
Speaker 2:That's the moon where you go it's a spinning moon. It's a spinning moon um and it's a it's a bread and butter modern ale yeah, I bought it because I was like now what's the most horrendous sounding beer I can buy? Because I'll send that to wallim because he'll probably like it. Bread and butter bread and butter.
Speaker 3:We had something similar. I had a. I had a beer made of bread, didn't I look at the website?
Speaker 2:to see previous reviews.
Speaker 3:That was an old one it was, yeah, um, a fresh, easy drinking, dry, hot pale combining british malts of us hops for a modern take on a classic Crisp with mild citrus notes. There are lots of citrus beers out there, so how's a bread and butter beer, citrus?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know, maybe because it's gone off and it's tangy. The whole thing is ridiculous. Bread and butter, fruit and beer. No, no, no, no. Do you know what you need, williams?
Speaker 3:A good old-fashioned mild.
Speaker 2:Kimberley Mild. None of this fruity nonsense. Get me back to proper flavour and proper.
Speaker 3:They don't have Kimberley Milds anymore, do they?
Speaker 2:You know what? They're generally quite hard to get at mild.
Speaker 3:Yeah, please write in if you know any good places that sell good mild and we'll be happy to visit and have a first look.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:Live. It smells very citrusy it smells very citrusy. It doesn't smell like very much at all. It's very clear looking, it looks like?
Speaker 2:it looks like a hydrated wee wee.
Speaker 3:Refreshing, refreshing. That'd be nice, as a shandy actually, that would.
Speaker 2:Nice as a shandy.
Speaker 3:Nice as a shandy. A bit of lemonade in that on a sunny day. Yeah, currently a vocation, that's vocation. Brewery voca, tio and vocation but how many, how many?
Speaker 2:I can't remember what the scoring system was that we set up. How many, how many fish ponds, how many?
Speaker 3:no, fingers, wasn't it I? Many no fingers, I don't we'll do, we'll, yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, it's something. How many, somethings, volumes, how many known how?
Speaker 3:many somethings.
Speaker 2:I'll give it a you can't combine fingers and fishing rods I'll give it a seven out of something a seven out of something the problem is I don't know what the top end of the scale is. It doesn't matter I don't think it matters seven out of something and we'll just leave it. That's good, it's good.
Speaker 3:Check out the website for a comparison and league table of all the first I mean.
Speaker 2:Well, I still, I still haven't finished the website, sorry next season five well, you see, what did I tell you about this? Let me tell you about the website oh, so because I host a few websites and I ran out of space so if. I'm going to host our website. I've got to pay more money to have more hostess spaces or delete the paying customer. I could delete a paying customer's website but, I, probably won't problem yeah.
Speaker 3:I do.
Speaker 2:I was waiting to get to a point where I need a couple of websites so I can kind of, you know, buy in bulk Um. You know, buy in bulk um, you know, because I can't imagine there's many people really want to look on our website. If you do want to go on our website, if you're like, yes, I would check they don't know.
Speaker 3:You don't know until you get up you can see it. Well, you want to search, you want to search for it, and then it comes up. You go, oh, and then you listen to the podcast oh, I suppose I probably better do that now.
Speaker 2:I've been promising it for like two seasons, now three seasons.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'll try and do it once.
Speaker 2:I'll try and do it by the end of the year we could have been famous by now, but anyways, we could have do you want to do your first look?
Speaker 2:I can. I can do my first look. Yeah, so this week my first look is so we are recording this during Glastonbury Festival. Last year I remember talking about Glastonbury Festival because, as avid listeners will know, we are festival lovers. But this year I don't just need to talk about a festival, because I went to one. We went to the Isle of Wight Festival, which was on the Isle of Wight, which was on the Isle of Wight.
Speaker 2:And I've never been there before. So I thought I'd tell you all about the Isle of Wight Festival. Williams give you a bit of a rundown of what we did, what we enjoyed and how it was being a 41-year-old man at a music festival when I haven't been to one like a proper big one for nearly like a decade or so.
Speaker 3:But there was a gang of 41 year olds, wasn't there?
Speaker 2:there was. So this was a gang.
Speaker 3:What you call was it a a cuddle, a 41 year old a a flock, a pride of a group of knobs, just a big group of knobheads, um, but yeah, there was 40 of us uh on this.
Speaker 2:It was a friend of ours, stag do, uh, you know said person 40, 40s gosh 40, 40s, yeah, um. And so first thing on note about being in your 40s and going to a music festival and on a stag, do in particular, because this is I, I don't know, maybe, maybe, was it your first festival as a 40 plus year old?
Speaker 2:It was yes. So we we go to a festival in in Northern Ireland every year called the doll fest, but that's very family friendly. So like we've taken brain and it's like, you know, scouting for girls and there's ice cream trucks and you know it's very meek and mild. Isle of Wight is like one of the big ones. It's like, yeah, there's all sorts going on, yeah, till the early hours of the morning and substance abuse and alcohol and tents and all sorts going on um, so it's it's.
Speaker 2:There was still a lot of kids there, I must admit there was still a lot of people with kids and like there was definitely part of me, I was like why would you bring young children to a place like this? It didn't seem, it didn't didn't strike me as a place I'd want to take a child.
Speaker 3:You wouldn't take a baby there. I've got to be honest.
Speaker 2:No, I wouldn't. No, not until he's a lot older. Yeah, yeah, no, I don't think I personally. It's subjective, I know, but I'm like festivals like this, which are adult festivals, where the bands are effing and jeffing, but I mean there is. So, as an example, they were selling bucket hats and at one point we were stood watching one of the bands and there's two kids who can only be, I reckon, nine and ten right and they had two bucket hats.
Speaker 2:On one of the bucket hats hats was covered in the word and the other one was covered in the word um. Yeah, the c, the C, the C word.
Speaker 2:I'm like, okay, I probably sound very snobby there, but I'm like I'm all for buying your kids hats and stuff, but, like you know, with Minecraft on, not with, not with those kinds of words on, uh, like why is it funny? But anyway. Um, there was lots of kids there, but I didn't think it was a kid festival. I think it was very much you know, there was groups like us there, 40 year old lads who were, just you know, annihilated.
Speaker 3:But was it?
Speaker 2:getting married.
Speaker 3:But was a 40 year old festival or was a?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, it was a 40 year old festival, so the acts who were playing were very much geared towards our age group. So it was, there was no kind of like. There wasn't like Charlie XCX and Wet Leg and all the cool young kid bands. It was like ah, it's Sting and Justin Timberlake and the Stereophonics and Busted bands that we would have enjoyed when we were kind of like 15, 20.
Speaker 2:So it was definitely catered to. I think we were the average age. There were some younger people. There was definitely catered to. I think we were the average age. There were some younger people. There was definitely some older people. There was, like I saw, a lot of people probably in their late 50s, early 60s, maybe even up to the 70s, so there was definitely kind of older people there. But it was a brilliant place, like really impressive big site. It wasn't as big as Glastonbury but it was still sizeable and the and the other white's lovely. So we've got to get the hovercraft across, uh, which was cool, and we stayed in like an Airbnb.
Speaker 2:And that's from so that was from Portsmouth. So we got, we flew into Southampton and then went across to Portsmouth, then traveled down from Portsmouth um on the ferry over to Isle of Wight and then we're about three miles away from where the hovercraft dropped us off and then about a 20-minute bus ride to the actual site. So it was pretty good. So it was cool. So there was eight of us in our house. There was like different, because there were so many of us, we didn't just have one place, there was lots of us started around the place and we had a nice house with a garden, marden and morgan, who we we know in previous episodes as mr barbecue manly man, and he brought a cricket bat and we were just camping.
Speaker 2:Then I thought you were camping then no, we're too old and smelly for that. I don't think I'd want to. There was I tell you this. Actually, there was definitely parts coming home of an evening. So, like once you've been on your feet all day, you're walking like 15 000 steps and you think, oh, I just want to go home now it's two o'clock in the morning, ready for, ready for bed, and I'm in. I'm old, like I'm an old man, I'm like bye, bye min I'm ready for my bed now, even as a younger man.
Speaker 3:You're disappearing. Where's he going?
Speaker 2:oh, he's sleeping on a cliff I did fall asleep in a portly on the on the sundown day three. I went for it. I went for a wee sit down and then woke up about 15 minutes later thinking I've fallen asleep there, I'm in a port-a-loo and I've just had a nap.
Speaker 3:Can you imagine the person waiting, waiting in the queue?
Speaker 2:No, it did, though, genuinely one of those ones where I think I sat down and just closed my eyes and then just fell asleep, because we didn't have much sleep every night.
Speaker 2:We only get like four or five hours sleep, but then we got back to the house and then everyone's getting up in the morning and stuff. There wasn't much sleep but we did, um, we uh, yeah. So, but it was fun and I tried, we did cold water swimming in the mornings, which I've never done before morning. We went in the sea, which was fun. Yeah, the whole experience was really cool.
Speaker 2:The, the festival was brilliant. Some of the acts were brilliant, like we saw. So busted were great. They were, like you know, just fun. Um, and justin timberlake impressed me. He was good. Um, we saw lots of acts and it's fun. It's funny because the group we were with there were some people who like loved busted because like, yeah, this is simple. There's people like this is sure I want something cool. I was like it was such a mix, um, but I think everyone had a good time. The stack had a really good time. He took everything like an absolute champ, to be honest, like people threw a lot at him and he was still a big stack, isn't it 40?
Speaker 2:it was, it was. He's a popular boy, though, isn't? He, he's got a lot of. He's like he's got his home mates, his union mates, his london mates, his work mates. He's got a lot of he's got his home mates, his union mates, he's london mates, his workmates, he's. You know he's a he's a popular boy and it, but he took everything very well. Um, and it was one of those things I was like I was glad to go home, but I'm also like glad I went and I'd go again.
Speaker 2:So I think that's a good sign. When you think, yeah, I could go, I'd go there again. I'll go and do that weekend all over again, getting beer, wasn't't that?
Speaker 3:hard, reasonable for a festival price.
Speaker 2:Yeah, reasonable and good beer as well. It was all BrewDuck stuff so it was decent beer and the food stalls were good. So even with my kidney stones and gallstones, I didn't find it too difficult to find food and you know, it was really good, it was fantastic. But you know, even though there was parts where I was like, oh, this is like getting home like was just tiresome and having to organize taxes and stuff was hard, but it was well worth it. The highs are still worth it. So I would recommend any kind of dads or moms who are like you know what. Should we go to a festival? We're a bit old. Do we want to go? It's, there's still great fun and there's loads to do, loads of variety. A couple of times we just kind of disappeared and we watched like a Foo Fighters tribute band.
Speaker 3:They were in a tent with.
Speaker 2:They were playing kind of like just cheesy music and it was just yeah, you can loud music, beer and good friends. You can't really have a bad time. The amount of steps and walking. I'm like next time I go to a festival I'm going to go into training for six months beforehand. But yeah, it was good. However, what I wouldn't recommend is gonna bring me on to Tim for dad's tips for dad's one thing about your tips out for the dance one thing that I won't recommend.
Speaker 3:Well, be careful how to buy your kids well, be careful.
Speaker 2:That is a tip. Yes, if you're gonna buy, if you're considering buying your heart, your kid, a hat with the word on it, think, think twice, because you know kids don't need that just get a good one.
Speaker 2:This is our white festival or something yeah, just a nice one yeah which probably costs a fortune, but some of the merch was quite expensive on the sunday night we were, so our taxi back wasn't till 2 am, um, but Justin Timberlake and look, finish 11. Then I want to watch James for a bit. They finished at 5 to 12 and then it was two hours still to the taxi, in about nothing. I had one and a half mile walk and I was.
Speaker 2:It was starting to rain and I was cold and I was like ah, should I buy a hoodie for the merch stand? I was like 50 quid. I was like nah what I ended up doing walliams, which was genius. I got the piss taken out of me, but at this I couldn't imagine that on a stack too, no no, but like at this point they were starting to, there was all the wheelie bins and there was all the cleanup operation had started right, so this is like the all the fireworks had gone off the festival.
Speaker 2:No, no, there was a massive roll of wheelie bin bin liners, bright green bin liners and I was like that'll keep the rain off me, so I took one off, ripped a hole in the top and wore it like a poncho, and I'm not kidding, it was genius because it was big so it fit me and it was warm inside and I walked to that bus, smug as as anything in my bin bag, and everyone was like what are you doing?
Speaker 2:I was like it's cold. It's not that cold. I was like it is, I'm wearing my bin bag.
Speaker 3:And I'm dry. Yes, I'm wearing my bin bag.
Speaker 2:I mean, I could probably talk for an hour on some of the stuff that happened.
Speaker 3:You basically sound like a homeless drunk.
Speaker 2:You fell asleep in toilet and then you walked home in a bin bag, pretty much after watching justin timberlake, as you do. So, yeah, it was good fun, but getting there, walliams. So this is another first look and leads me to my tips, for that nearly died, walliams, nearly died and my first experience, because I'm not, I'm not the greatest flyer no, no, no, no, this was to do with the airplane, so I'm not the greatest flyer.
Speaker 2:I don't mind flying. I used to hate flying, used to avoid flying at all costs. I've kind of come to terms with you know, we're all going to die at some point. If you're not in a plane crash, at least it's fairly quick, um cheery. But uh, on this one I thought, oh crap, oh. So I had my first experience of one of those landings when they decide actually we're not going to land the plane, we may be about to touch down the runway, but we'll just go back up again Abort, abort, abort.
Speaker 2:I had my first experience of that and that is not a nice experience.
Speaker 3:Was it the wind or?
Speaker 2:It was the heat, so we're having a bit of a heat wave. So apparently the heat was coming off and like we were coming in, so it was one of the propeller planes, the small propeller planes and we were coming into land and the plane was moving around like you won't believe. I was like what is going on? I was like just get us down, please pray to god. I was like god, please, just get us down.
Speaker 3:Did you have a window seat, or yeah?
Speaker 2:no, I was in the oil. I sat next to this poor woman and this will bring me to my tips for dads um, but we're coming down and the plane is moving all over the show and I was like this is not going to be a fun landing. We get just down above the runway and then you feel it. You're like okay, you know you're preparing to touch down. Like okay, cool, you can see it. Why aren't we touching down? And you start going up again. Oh, my.
Speaker 3:I'm like. You can see the, you can see the airport you're on the runway.
Speaker 2:You're like what's going on? And you just take off and go up and like, obviously, they put the thrusters up, like oh, okay, and everyone's like. Everyone starts to be like oh, oh, yeah, the chatter and I'm like oh yeah, nervous laughter probably yeah absolute
Speaker 2:nervous laughter and then they come on the tanner and said we're sorry about that, we're gonna go back up and come back around again due to the heat, uh, flip. So um, yeah, we survived, we got down eventually. But it brings me to my tips for dads williams tips for dads if you think you're about to die in a plane crash don't grab the one next to you well, that's one of them, so I've got a few.
Speaker 2:So obviously I use humor a lot of the time to mask my true feelings. So my first tip for dads if you're about to dine a plank I've seen you sat next to a stranger don't make a wise crack to the person sat next to you who is panicking even more than you, because they might need to see the funny side. So I was a little bit nervous. Obviously, the woman next to me was absolutely petrified what did you say?
Speaker 2:she was shaking like a shitting dog she was. She was so nervous and I was gonna say my first instinct was to kind of say to her like on the plus side, you can keep watching your tv show. Like you know, just trying to lighten the situation but, I thought, no, no, don't do that.
Speaker 2:Don't do that. I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think she'll thank you for it. I also then. So second tip for dad, which I didn't do, but I wanted to, like I was going to take a hand and hold a hand and say it's okay, and I thought you can't do that. These days, william, you can't grab a stranger Was that for you or for her? No, it was definitely. Hold me no normally, because if I'm with Lesley-Anne I'll obviously hold her hand as we're coming down.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but she's right it comforts me.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it comforts me.
Speaker 2:But this one I was like I was bad, I was pretty nervous, but the woman next to me was genuinely terrified. And your instinct is to kind of like take them by the hand and just be like it's okay. Look, it's perfectly safe and you're kind of your dad. Go your dad mode, just kind of okay. Right, I'm more composed than this person next to me, so I need to be the adult in this situation. Um, but I was like you cannot just grab a person's hand these days, williams.
Speaker 2:Even if it's better for any way. So, as much as you may want to do, not grab that person's hand, don't make a joke about it. So one thing I would advise we do do. Another tip for Dad, which somebody clearly didn't do, was hold your fart in Williams. Hold your fart in. I managed to, but somebody on the plane didn't. Okay, right I?
Speaker 3:presumed I managed to, but somebody on the plane didn't okay, right, and. I presumed it wasn't, it wasn't pleasant Walliams, it wasn't pleasant.
Speaker 2:It was definitely like oh, are we going to die? What's that smell? I mean but yeah, we all suffered for that one for a bit and then finally, do you remember, even even though it's quite scary, the you got to be pragmatic and realize, like it's one in 11 million, um, the pilots know what they're doing. You're probably going to be okay, I think. There's just there's been so much news on the, oh, so much news recently it's just like of course, as soon as you got FF, everyone was like who was in seat 11A?
Speaker 2:who was in seat 11A? And like well, we all survived. So you know, we didn't actually crash, we just had an aborted landing, but it wasn't not the most fun experience.
Speaker 3:Well, but yeah, the pilot obviously knew what they were doing. They could have carried on and not abort the landing. Oh yeah, I can do this. And then obviously, uh obviously, there's something affecting it. I still don't quite understand. It's the heat that yeah, I'm not.
Speaker 2:I'm not quite sure really, because the air turbulence, because the heat coming off, so it probably affected the turbulence.
Speaker 3:I'm not sure. Science people it wasn't.
Speaker 2:When we did come down and land, it wasn't nice and there was a. It was one of those ones where everyone cheered and so, um, but yeah. So those are my tips for dads. If you were in that situation, um yeah, don't grab the person's hand, don't make a wisecrack, do hold your farts in and do remember you're going to be okay so hold your farts, don't hold the whole band next to you yeah, random stranger unless if she grabs your hand, that's okay, right, unless it's not okay, I don't know what is okay these days.
Speaker 3:Well a follow-up from the previous podcast, which, um, I always like doing because you forget, um. So another one of little Logan's new animal terms.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 3:So one of his toys he referred to. So just as a reminder, in the last episode I told you about the Nunite Bears.
Speaker 2:The koalas.
Speaker 3:yes, the Ra-Ra's.
Speaker 2:The lions.
Speaker 3:The red bears.
Speaker 2:The red pandas yes.
Speaker 3:The Splash Ra-Ra's raras sea lions. I remember got that one last time I thought the hippos and so a new one, and my tip is just to embrace these different terms. You know you use these different names for animals, but uh, yellow up ups giraffes yeah, yellow, up, ups, that's yellow it's a whole different language, isn't it kids? Yes, but I think they're they're better names, to be honest a yellow up up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, can we go to the yellow up ups? Yeah, that's brilliant. Kids are genius.
Speaker 3:Wells, kids are genius first looks, my first look. Sorry, mr archie is on my um.
Speaker 2:Let me guess let me guess what oh his first. Look sorry, mr Archie, on my let me guess. Let me guess what oh his first look it's gonna be, did you go on holiday?
Speaker 3:I did go on holiday. I met, I met. I met someone that invented the spinning globe. Good, call back good call back.
Speaker 2:That's a spot back. You're a pro no, my first.
Speaker 3:I had a first look, so you know I don't want to paint a a picture. I know the last podcast. Well, I guess before I spoke about centre parks ooh, someone's been well themselves this time I had a first look at a cruise. Oh, my days, so hang on, are you just?
Speaker 2:are you making loads of profit on this podcast? This time I had a first look at a cruise. Oh my days, william. So hang on, are you making loads of profit from this podcast? And you're just not telling me about it. I'm falling asleep in toilets and wearing bin bags. You're going to Centre Parcs and going on cruises.
Speaker 3:Yes, so we went on our first cruise as a little family, oh dear. So we went on the P&L cruise with the Iona. So we booked ages ago. We just went. We wanted to take a little less and we wanted it to be a special. Um, it's basically our honeymoon, but a long time away since our wedding. But it was a special, a special trip and um, a lot of cruises are all sort of, you know, they can be quite fancy, um, and they used to be very much like just your, your older people although we are older people now um, but, um, you know, it was perfect level for, uh, for us and a two-year-old. Um, when I on a cruise to the Norwegian fjords.
Speaker 2:Amazing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so we're staying in Southampton the night before and then these ships. They're massive, so the Iona is the 12th biggest in the world.
Speaker 1:Miss Iona is one of the largest cruise ships ever built for the UK. She's eco-friendly, powered by liquefied natural gas for cleaner sailing. Built in Germany and launched in 2020, the ship boasts a stunning sky dome, a glass-covered pool by day, entertainment venue by night. Named after the peaceful Scottish island of Iona, she regularly cruises the Norwegian fjords. With 30 plus bars and restaurants, this ship is basically a floating resort.
Speaker 3:It's nuts that there's bigger ships than that one. It's huge, I don't know how to describe it. A big old ship, I think something massive Logan. Because we said we're going on a boat, there's a ship. I said we're going on a boat, um, and then we're on it, and then we're saying I'm on the boat, it's like, no is basically a big hotel that floats, um, but it's um eight, eight too much, um. So you know, you can go to these like sort of posh restaurants where you've just got your um, your big sort of buffet style, yeah, or you can eat stuff. I was trying not to have a fry up. Apologies for your gold bladder, but I was trying not to have a fry up every day, but every day I had a fry toast.
Speaker 2:You're on your honeymoon, you've got to be having a fry up every day.
Speaker 3:I ate way too much. And we also picked the crease because we didn't want too much hassle with flying a million miles away, driving to the airport, waiting at the airport, then flying to somewhere, especially a Logan. You know you've got to keep them occupied. Oh, simple is better, yeah, but yeah, southampton, so that was the main. So we broke up the drive to Southampton, stopped off a couple of places, but all in all only sort of hour sort of trip. Um, set a hotel and then the, the getting on board. It's so smooth, so quick. Obviously, once you're on, you're on your holiday. You know you're not, you know that you've reached your destination. It's not like, oh, we wait for an airport, like for a flight, um, so yeah, smoothest, speedy check-in, what are you gonna call it? Whatever done.
Speaker 3:We sort of parked the car and we had basically someone jumped in. I felt like we got mugged actually. So within about 10 minutes we go out the car. Someone else jumped in, drove the car off, we walked about 10 meters and so on. She's got your tags on that says what about your arm? And then someone just grabs your bag, chucks them down, this um, yeah, convert about chucked on one of those off your pop.
Speaker 3:And so what just happened there? Someone just taken our car, grabbed our luggage. Um, I mean, we managed to skip the queues a fair bit because, you know, we had a pram with logan and they're like really good, they're like just go through here and nice and um, yeah, so it was, you know, all really smooth. The only bit was, which was unlucky for us was, um, so our bags are left outside our cabin, great, but we're missing one bag. So we still didn't have the bag of all sort of logan and stuff in. And oh, no, it's okay, I'll be. As we spoke to reception, oh, they'll, they'll be there eventually. And then georgie went sort of the way, for wife went back again. So we still haven't got the, uh, got the bag yet she's starting to panic now.
Speaker 3:She's like, yeah, we want to go into relax mode, the bag. Yet, um, and they're like that's right. And he said when should I panic? He said it should be, you know, within the next half hour, cause the last bags are coming through. Um, so we went back an hour later. They were like um, panicking now, um, and then so have you checked there? Because there's a pile of just bags they put where they couldn't locate the room where the tag fell off or whatever. And we look through the that collection no bags, not there oh no and they were just about to go into panic.
Speaker 3:Man, this lady walks down with this bag. So yeah, we've got it in the end.
Speaker 2:So where did it mean?
Speaker 3:well they said probably well, because it had um logan's, um light lines or things like that electronic. So they think probably went for security. And so what's all this? Yeah yeah, or spike, yeah, um, bomb spike. Yeah, logan had it. He stopped napping a while ago, but then he started napping again on holiday, which was great okay and she mentioned quite a few, just fall asleep in his pram and we have a glass of champagne or whatever you know just lovely.
Speaker 2:Wow, that sounds amazing um but um.
Speaker 3:The second day was we just started to get into right on holiday. They went for a swim. Georgia and I went for a swim, george and I went for a swim, and then on the back of Logan's leg was a tick, no, yeah, a tick. So buried into the back of Logan's knee I was like where on earth did he get that from?
Speaker 4:Quick disclaimer here. When we mentioned our toddler found a tick behind their knee while we were on the Iona cruise ship. We just want to be super clear. That doesn't mean it came from the ship itself. The day before we boarded we'd been walking around a national trust park and we also stayed in a hotel overnight, so realistically, the tick could have come from any of those places. They were absolutely brilliant about it. Once we mentioned it, they arranged an extra thorough clean of our cabin straight away, just to be safe.
Speaker 3:So we're a bit panicky. We could try to get out ourselves, but then if we squish it and then it's dangerous if the head basically pops, yeah, and you get all sorts of scary stuff. So we had a visit to Deck deck three with the, the cruise doctors and and loviness from Northern Ireland and she was lovely. She got out of bubbles and stuff for Logan and she's had a look and sort of took it out in. You know, an easy A pair of tweezers A pair of tweezers. Yeah, and just popped it out Did.
Speaker 2:Logan even realise.
Speaker 3:No, no, no. He learnt the word tick a lot of times.
Speaker 2:If you don't want a kid running, I'm going tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.
Speaker 3:The doctor came in to have a little look to check there's no sort of infection or whatever. And I said to Georgie, he was a good looking chap, this doctor. He was a good looking chap. I was a bit worried.
Speaker 2:I'm not going to stay in Dr Dreamy yeah, it was Dr Dreamy did Georgie start doing this like?
Speaker 3:yeah, just flicking her hair looking at her oh, I think I've got a chick as well, I'm right no, yes, would you look at this?
Speaker 3:oh, I've just dropped something, I just need to uh yes slowly doctor yeah, so we quickly left there 50 pound age or whatever it was um well, ims, you got nothing to worry about that woman loves you but um, yeah. So then after that was done and they said I'll keep an eye on it because you know if it starts flaring up or whatever, then the bit of whatever got into the blood. But yeah, so we went to various different places in the fjords.
Speaker 2:Is it just stunning?
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, beautiful, beautiful. It had all sorts of weather. We thought being somewhere would be fairly all right, um, but one day, because we ended up at a sky lift and up, up, um to the as long as um, into the um, into the mountains, so we ended up having to buy like a bubble hat. So this is, you know, this is june, so you had to buy a bubble hat and you know better, wear a coat and jumper and stuff and um. But then the next day it was super sunny, so we were like shorts and t-shirt, um, so all the weather under the sun, um, also, on the third day yes, the first day was bag. Second day was um tick. Third day, walking through um, a place called uh stavanger, um, and then a bunch of seagulls flew over georgie, um, and you can predict what happened no, that's good luck, good luck yeah, so georgie was very lucky uh she married you.
Speaker 3:Of course she is yeah, um, but uh, all her favorite tops but ended up getting cleaned pretty good and I was at towards the end of our walk around the town so we just went back to the boat.
Speaker 2:You have to go to the doctor though she had to go to the doctor.
Speaker 3:Just in case you got affected by the seagull.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh I better go into the volumes. I better go to the doctor. I'll be. I might be a day or two doctor, doctor, um yeah so we had, uh, some great days for.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, we went to different places, had our sea days as well, which you basically eat, and there's loads of performance things going on we managed to go to some shows as well, which you know. We haven't been to a show logan yet because he's so young that you don't really want to spend a fortune on going to a show. And then, of course, oh, but with this, we went, like, if he's not enjoying it or playing up a bit, we can just go because it doesn't cost us anything but yeah, he really enjoyed it.
Speaker 3:Um all the movement and stuff I love it and uh yeah, yeah, he really enjoyed it did you have some nice beers?
Speaker 3:yeah, that that's my spirit. Too many, though, um didn't really. The holiday was the cruise, as opposed to going to Norway. I didn't feel like I've been to Norway. I felt like I'd been on a cruise. Yeah, cause you kind of you're on the cruise and then you get off and then you're in these lovely little Norwegian towns, but 5,000 British people have just got off as well. So you're just hearing all these different I live with, puddle your accents, draw the accents, yeah, all these different accents from Britain in a little Norwegian town.
Speaker 3:This is a bit it's a bit surreal. But one place, which was in Granger, we thought we'd we put on that. We've been on a big. Well, logan progressed from calling a big hotel to a big, which is a big boat, a ship, and that was, you know, the honking of the ship. And yeah, granger, because you, it's weird because it's it's like you're in a very big room because you have like a big wall behind you and then to the left and right and then you've got the field. It's just a it's a surreal because this is huge walls surrounding you. I don't know how to describe it, but just incredible landscape really, really good.
Speaker 3:A 80 ate too much. Oh, had our first um, so that there's a gelato place. Um, but we ended up, um, I don't know how we did it. I don't know if we ordered wrong or not. Um, but it's an afternoon tea, but it's an ice cream afternoon tea okay so, uh, so each, you basically each have a coffee, lovely, and then with that coffee you have um. So on the top layer, um, it's basically like a magnum, but you have two.
Speaker 3:Let's go two, two magnums each, okay and then, and then you've got um two-down cones of ice cream each and then two ice cream macaroons. Oh my days and two. I don't know how to describe them, but that kind of Twix bar, ice cream things. Things round, things Each. So this was each, no.
Speaker 2:And did you eat it all?
Speaker 3:No, no, I couldn't. I almost did, almost did. I think I left one item.
Speaker 5:Snowflakes Gelato. Afternoon Tea A twist on the traditional afternoon tea. We serve a selection of bite-sized gelato treats, including mini gelato macarons, gelato cannoli, gelato cookie praline and white chocolate dome gelato sticks and mini gelato cones, served with your choice of Costa coffee.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because usually if you have a Magnum you'd have like one.
Speaker 2:That's enough, yeah.
Speaker 3:You wouldn't have two Magnums, two ice creams, two Magnums no you don't need 3,000 calories worth of ice cream. Yeah, at least.
Speaker 2:But you're on holiday. So it's one of those tree things, isn't it? But we're on holiday. When are you ever going to do?
Speaker 5:that again, tea is large enough to share between two or even three people.
Speaker 2:Exactly it sounds like it was a beautiful trip.
Speaker 1:Beautiful.
Speaker 2:There is no family who deserves a lovely vacation than you three. I'm so glad you got to go and enjoy it and actually have some time together.
Speaker 3:I know I enjoyed it. He learned a lot as well, so definitely something I can get into, but it takes it. So he learned a lot as well, so definitely something like that again.
Speaker 2:But it takes the pressure off you and Georgie as well. Like you know, when the kid's happy and you know the kid's safe and you know there's things to do with a kid, you can enjoy yourself Because you're like, okay, we're going to see a show with Logan, that's awesome. That's such a bit bigger. It's like, oh, this is nice. Um, so you'd go again, would you? You recommend it?
Speaker 3:oh. So we went to um, so stammering lovely place. Get back on the boat, go for a meal. So we're tuned to posh restaurants as well. So we went to a posh restaurant. It's like, because there's posh restaurants included, there's ones you pay extra for, there's posh restaurants that are included in your price. So again you thought, well, we're not taking him to a posh restaurant yet give it a go. He was a superstar, might as well do it, and they were really good of him. They did the whole. You know how they sort of when they and they grabbed the, the cloth and sort of put it over your, over your, knees they did that for Logan.
Speaker 3:They put their blanket over his legs and things yeah, he was really good and it was like a posh meal and it was nice going out for a posh meal like with him and he was, he was really good about it. But yeah, definitely do it again, because yeah went to Stavanger and then you go back, have the posh meal, go to bed, wake up in the morning, you're out somewhere else and then you go back after posh meal, go to bed, wake up in the morning, you're at somewhere else and then you just get off the boat and that's amazing. You haven't got to travel. You know. You know someplace, you stay somewhere, then you have to drive to that place and drive to that place, whereas this you're just um, you're on holiday 24 7 and did you see any like any nice?
Speaker 2:do you see anything like the?
Speaker 3:uh, no, no, because because it'd be in um june, so we had basically 20 hours of sunshine, because when you go that, when you go that far north, it's just so much sunshine each day, of course, yeah, um. So yes, you didn't really see any um, which was nice because you know you constantly got a nice view, um, but I didn't realize how so most of the holidays are was the north sea, so obviously you have to go through the North Sea to get to Norway. How busy it is. We've got oil rigs and wind farms and oh yeah, yeah, it's a bit nuts, but yeah, then I got back and super speedy getting off, just really simple. Just go through a bit of the rigmarole of you know, checking out, but super simple. Definitely recommend cruising to flying if you can.
Speaker 2:How many somethings out of somethings would you give it then, Miles?
Speaker 3:Ten somethings, ten somethings. I'm a converted cruiser. I'm now a converted cruiser.
Speaker 2:Amazing. It's the convenience for the kids, isn't it? It's just like you know what we're getting. To the age now where I? Isn't it? It's, it's just like you know what we're getting today's.
Speaker 3:Now what I don't want to travel for 18 hours. I can take all the time out, and then I'm not cooking and not just, and isn't it? And pick what you want as well, just oh oh, props every day mate oh, I mean a week was enough. I think if I did two weeks, you know it's, isn't it funny, right?
Speaker 2:you won't be able to get out there. Oh, would you? 76 magnums I've eaten. I've eaten nothing but red meat, um and pork. Yeah, I had sausages. I've never been to south hampton.
Speaker 3:He loved a sausage, the uh. Have you ever been to Southampton before?
Speaker 2:No, no, no, my first time, me neither, and yet both of our first looks originated from Southampton today.
Speaker 3:Southampton is the well. It's not the place to go to, it's the place to go somewhere else.
Speaker 5:Go there to bugger off.
Speaker 2:Southampton.
Speaker 4:Welcome and then go. Away. Southampton Welcome and then go away Southampton's tagline.
Speaker 2:You know, like every city has the brand of a city. Southampton, fuck off yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the welcome sign is see you later.
Speaker 2:Yeah, goodbye. I'm glad you had a good time.
Speaker 3:That's lovely, very good.
Speaker 2:And where are you going to go then? So on your next cruise, you've just won the lottery.
Speaker 3:Just won the lottery. Oh, around the world cruise.
Speaker 2:And you go just around the world cruise, Around the world cruise.
Speaker 3:I don't know. No, because I was talking about that with George the other day. At what point do you go from? Because a week, two weeks and then over two, I can't eat until they fry up. I can't keep drinking. You end up going to a bit more normality, don't you? Maybe I don't know. I've never been on holiday more than two weeks.
Speaker 2:Well, that's true. You don't know what you don't know, do you? No? Maybe you love it.
Speaker 3:But yeah, I've been on the world cruise.
Speaker 2:Maybe that's why On these cruises, right, I always wonder, like you go for breakfast in the morning sausages, eggs but then you all see things like porridge and fruit and you're like who's eating that on one of these things?
Speaker 3:lego had his fruit, he's a much healthier than I am.
Speaker 2:It was really good I wasn't setting an example at all oh no, daddy's eating more sausage. Yeah, that's fine. But I always wonder, like, who's that really for? And then maybe it's the people who've been on the boat for eight weeks. Yeah, because they're. Oh no, daddy's eating more sausage. Yeah, that's fine. But I always wonder, like, who is that really for? And maybe it's the people who have been on the boat for eight weeks.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Because they're just like. At that point they're like, yeah, I can't eat any more sausage. Well, people say, fit as hell. So on the top deck they had a running track. It's a one-mile running track. Wow, people go jogging on the it a little bit.
Speaker 2:Did you walk the? You walk the mile well after that.
Speaker 3:Well, you're on holiday. You don't want to stress yourself, yeah. But the thing is, because you said about destinations, but we didn't do, we just did a cruise. We didn't do a flying cruise. So it wasn't like flying somewhere and then having a cruise in the caribbean or something. It was, um, yeah, the joy that was literally going to southampton and then cruising from there.
Speaker 2:Um, so maybe just go to another one like the Med or something, yeah, something like the Med or um, uh, just a different.
Speaker 3:It could be the same destination but a different cruise ship, so it could be uh like a Disney cruise yeah, they live from. Southampton. Well, they change around, but they have done this summer. I don't know if they are next summer, but yeah, something like that might be good. I mean, adults do go on their own, but it'd be good to go with a toddler or a kid.
Speaker 2:If you want to go on a Disney cruise, Wiles, we would like to go on a Disney cruise. Shall we go on a Disney cruise together? Ooh, that would be nice. I would love to take Leslie Allen Brayden on a Disney cruise. Let's do it because start saving, start saving. They're not they're not cheap they're not cheap but if we're talking, if Disney are listening, can we get Disney to sponsor the podcast? Oh yeah if we just say Mickey Mouse.
Speaker 3:Mickey Mouse, mickey Mouse, mickey Mouse.
Speaker 2:I know that's pretty, yeah, but um would they sponsor the podcaster I can give us if we review, if we do a whole?
Speaker 3:episode of their cruise. People do stuff like that. You know, I saw who was it. There was, uh, what's her name, can't remember, but she's a radio dj emma something, I think. Then she she went, it could be actually, yeah, um, but she, um, she was basically on her disney cruise for a week. But I'm obviously doing her instagram stuff about the disney cruise, tagging them in blah, blah, blah, but she obviously got paid to do that trip oh, of course um well, do you want our friend?
Speaker 3:why can't we do that? Why can't we do that?
Speaker 2:I know, we, we, yeah, I mean, the difference is they got five million listeners and we've only got 560,000 hardcore downloads every single episode. We're pushing for that 600,000.
Speaker 3:Yeah, exactly, but if we were talking make-believe loads of money, they do a. The problem is it's one way, but at the end of a season from southampton they then do like a one-way trip across the atlantic to florida, so you could do a disney cruise to florida and then go to the theme park, but you might be disneyed out by that point no, this is a two-week cruise to get across and you don't need to fly because you said you don't like flights.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I mean I don't like flying, but I'm also like I don't like not going places, so it's like what are? You going to do you just have to accept that. You know you could get run over in the street Williams you shouldn't wimp out from not doing stuff because of flying. I used to, but it is an expensive way to get there.
Speaker 3:It could be an awesome way For the wife. She has quite the history of seasickness.
Speaker 2:Does she?
Speaker 3:So we're a bit, and I was suspicious that this trip could be an absolute nightmare. If she's seasick, there's no going back. Once you're off, am I going to be sharing a cabin looking after a toddler with a seasick wife? Um, it's literally gonna be seasick. You know they're both gonna be seasick yeah that could be fun. So I was like oh, um. But yeah, the ships are so big, you can't fit them in, can you?
Speaker 2:no, you don't even realize the movement.
Speaker 3:We did a bit, we did a bit. When you go higher up in the deck. So one of the restaurants is, you know, on deck 14, whatever it was. Um, you feel it a bit more there because obviously the higher up. You are the science um science with williams we were deck, uh, decade, and we were in midship and you don't feel it? Don't worry, just spend the fortune on a big boat. Don't go anything lower than what did I say it was.
Speaker 3:I think it was the 14th biggest, no, 12th biggest 12th biggest ship, so I can 12th biggest or higher, you should be fine 10 out of 10-somethings.
Speaker 2:Great first look. 1m. Great first look.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm a cruiser and a centre parker now.
Speaker 2:He's changed You're a change man Change man. So what's this announcement you've got then?
Speaker 3:The announcement is I'm going to go into a little career change. I'm going to go into stand-up comedy. Oh, so I told my family that I was going to go into stand-up comedy and all they did was laugh Sorry, that was a dad joke. Sorry, that was a dad joke, bloody hell, walliams.
Speaker 2:I was genuinely like I'm going to change my career.
Speaker 3:I thought it was a genuine announcement. You pillock. No, it was a dad joke.
Speaker 2:I thought there was something serious going on. I thought, okay, he's finally decided he doesn't want to do his job anymore. He's going to change his career, he's going to go into audio production, he's going to actually set up his own production company and do podcasts.
Speaker 3:Are you getting ready to have a?
Speaker 2:quite where do we go, I was thinking we need to have a chat about this.
Speaker 3:I don't think you should go into standard comedy.
Speaker 2:I'm being serious there well, when he said standard comedy, I thought, maybe, maybe it's it's an it's. Standard comedy is where intellectuals go and you know the thinking men and women go into stand-up comedy. I thought, oh, I could see Walliams doing stand-up comedy. You are funny. But, yeah, it was a bloody joke, Walliams.
Speaker 3:So there's no serious announcement. No, no, there's just no.
Speaker 2:It was just a joke all along, no it was just see you all, in two weeks, I guess. Well, see you all in two weeks I guess. Well, see you all in two weeks, I guess, if you're here still, if you're not on some bloody fancy holiday or doing stand up somewhere well, yeah, what an ex you could be.
Speaker 3:Maybe you're doing stand up for Disney on a.
Speaker 2:Disney cruise.
Speaker 3:I could be. I could be here yeah every night we have Dan.
Speaker 2:Walliams every night.
Speaker 3:Every night the same jokes.
Speaker 2:I'd pay to see you, wiles. Anyway, that was a lovely podcast, lovely.
Speaker 3:See you next week.
Speaker 2:Two weeks everybody.
Speaker 3:Two weeks, two weeks, two weeks. Next episode Two weeks. Bye everyone.
Speaker 2:Bye everyone, bye everyone. Ah, I live at the spinning globe. I'll show him and his crappy globe that doesn't spin.
Speaker 1:If you enjoyed the show, please follow, rate and review us on your favourite podcast app. It really helps more people find us Got a first look. You want us to try Email firstlooknomes at outlookcom, or send it our way on Instagram at firstlooknomes, or drop us a voice note. We'd love to hear from you.
