First Look Gnomes
Two Dad's doing Silly Things.
Everyone wants to learn something new, but only some people want to sit down and read a bunch of nonsense - so why not listen to some instead? Chuck in some random facts and a couple of Dad jokes, and you'll be full of (potentially useless) knowledge in no time.
Whether all of it is true is part of the gnomery.
Join Cornishman "Walliams" in the shed at the bottom of his garden in Cornwall and Wulfrunian (a man from Wolverhampton apparently) "Mr Hodgkiss" from Belfast as they take a "first look" at the relatively unknown, learn some stuff and chat about life as Parents.
Dive into the First Look Gnome Universe every month and learn about random things you didn't even know you wanted to learn about! Fill some of your day with something interesting, engaging, and funny.
Welcome to the bottom of the garden.......'But what about the Gnomes?' I hear you cry!
Good things come to gnomes who wait. And ones that rate, review and subscribe :)
First Look Gnomes
Gardening, Sports, and Beer: Dad Adventures
Ever wondered what happens when two dads combine their love of gardening, sports, and beer with the daily adventures of parenthood? Our latest episode takes you on a journey from a hilariously disastrous beer opening to ambitious Japanese garden designs and the quiet triumph of growing your first cucumber.
Williams shares his adventures at Plymouth Hoe and Britain's largest aquarium, where his two-year-old son's wide-eyed "hiya" greetings to fish remind us all how children transform ordinary experiences into magical discoveries. Meanwhile, our other host reveals plans for an elaborate Japanese garden complete with Acer trees and koi ponds—a project reflecting the patience and long-term thinking that parenthood often inspires.
The episode delivers surprisingly practical wisdom for fellow dads: gardening isn't just about plants, it's about finding rare moments of uninterrupted solitude. "If I'm outside gardening, I can get three to four hours without seeing any of them," one host confesses, while explaining how children need nothing more elaborate than pebbles or bits of food to fuel their boundless imagination.
Perhaps most touching is the moment when a lifelong dream comes true—Newcastle United finally winning a trophy after 30 years of waiting—only to be immediately overshadowed by a toddler's encounter with a table corner. This perfect encapsulation of parenthood's priority-shifting power reminds us that the greatest victories are sometimes the smallest ones.
Join us for laughter, insights, and the kind of authentic dad conversations that make you feel less alone in your parenting journey. Whether you're designing gardens, visiting aquariums, or just trying to open a stubborn beer can, we're right there with you.
Join us for a first look at
- - The Hoe, Plymouth
- - National Maritime Aquarium
- - New Series of Gardener's World 2025
- - Newcastle United win the Carabao Cup
And your usual
Thirsty First
- Seven Brothers - Marshmallow Stout
& Tips for Dads!
Click here via your Mobile Device to send us a message!
Please Subscribe , leave a 5* Review, Follow, Like and Share this Podcast to show your support for more episodes.
Help grow the show !
Welcome to First Look Gnomes your go-to podcast for dads doing silly things.
Speaker 1:Join us as we dive into the whimsical world of the know-it-all gnome share tips for dads explore thirsty firsts and of course, the dad jokes and the bad jokes, but, most importantly, we're here to share our first looks.
Speaker 2:Don't forget to send in your feedback to our fish bond of feedback share our first looks.
Speaker 1:Don't forget to send in your feedback to our fish bond of feedback and share your thoughts, questions and own first looks with us.
Speaker 2:At first look gnomes at outlookcom five, four, three two episode nine love balloons, Episode 9 Love Balloons Episode 9 Love Balloons Go by. Episode 9. Episode nine love balloons go by. Episode nine.
Speaker 1:Why did you emphasize the word?
Speaker 3:dick so much.
Speaker 1:It just sounded like you said a lot of. There was an awful lot of dick in that one, william, like a fur dick.
Speaker 2:Lied for dick.
Speaker 1:Lied for dick. What's that that mean?
Speaker 2:I don't know in english what's the translation super so fluent I don't know what it means like lied for dick not lied for dick. Are you sure it wasn't lied for dick?
Speaker 1:it means I'll write a song for you. Are you sure it wasn't lied for, Dick?
Speaker 1:It means I'll write a song for you. I think Ah, beautiful. Have you ever seen that video of the different languages of Europe? And they're basically taking the mickey out of Germany, so they say certain words and you say them in English and French and Italian and then they say them in German. So it's like it's a. It's a very funny video. I would recommend anybody googles or goes on youtube to find the languages of you, of europe butterfly video. It's very funny. It's that time he's been waiting for this. Ladies and gentlemen, we've been talking for.
Speaker 2:It's the Thursday first.
Speaker 1:It's the Thursday first, we, we. We spend a little bit of time before the podcast talking, and all Walliams wanted to do was start recording, so he had an excuse to open a beer.
Speaker 2:Here we go do was start recording, so we had an excuse to open a beer. Here we go. I don't think um, I don't think fans actually like this segment, but it's for you.
Speaker 1:Let's be honest.
Speaker 2:It's because you just and just a reminder that this, the these were bought um by my wife, so throw her under the bus.
Speaker 1:She is to blame. Throw her under the bus early 4.5 percent sensible sensible okay the hot. It's a lovely looking can the hot, the hot foundry.
Speaker 2:It's a nice black can with some marshmallow number sevens um and it's a stout brewed in partnership with seven brothers, so that's why it's got some Marshmallow no 7s on the front and it's Marshmallow Flavor. That's 4.5%.
Speaker 1:You know my feelings on these kind of hybrid beers where they try and put marshmallows and fruit into it. I'm interested to see what it's like.
Speaker 2:This isn't fruit, though, is it? This isn't fruit, this is marshmallows. This beer will have you saying give me a s'more, A smooth mellow stout infused in magnificent marshmallow flavour.
Speaker 1:So marshmallows.
Speaker 2:The perfect companion for when the nights are drawing in.
Speaker 1:So aren't marshmallows just? Basically like sugar. It's like sugar and beer. I mean, I know you need sugar to activate the yeast, but you don't want a sweet beer?
Speaker 2:Oh no.
Speaker 1:Oh no, ladies and gentlemen, we've got a malfunction. What's happened?
Speaker 2:Oh no, I think I've broken it, the ring pull's, come off. But we're opening the can. Oh no, absolute disaster.
Speaker 1:Absolute disaster, ladies and gentlemen, are you going to be able to? Oh, he's managed to push it through. Nope, he hasn't. I'll tell a lie. Oh, no, Now think about this Wiles Physics in action right.
Speaker 2:Oh no, have you got a little?
Speaker 1:Have you got a little? I haven't got anything. Have you got a pen, even?
Speaker 2:This is absolute desire, dear. Should I just stab it with a pen?
Speaker 1:Well, no, no, turn it round to the round end. So don't do it with a pointy end. Turn it round to the other end, right, and just gently push, gently push and work your way around the edge of it. You just need to get the little seal. Hee-hee, nope, he's just stabbing it. I've never seen him look so distraught. Ladies and gentlemen, no, do you have another can in the fridge.
Speaker 2:Oh, we have a breakthrough oh, absolute disaster, and then oh no.
Speaker 1:I tell you what you see blood spurting everywhere.
Speaker 2:We have a breakthrough, oh, absolute disaster, and then, oh no, I tell you what you see blood spurting everywhere, those seven brothers are not going to get a good review here.
Speaker 1:They haven't even built a robust hand-pulling system.
Speaker 2:You've got my wife's number, haven't you, in case? Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1:Don't hurt yourself, Wiles.
Speaker 2:Well, no, now I'm putting the sharp thing into the drink. That should do it, as long as that doesn't fall into my pint glass, oh my goodness.
Speaker 1:There is a hole, ladies and gentlemen. He has a hole.
Speaker 2:We're in, we're in. It's a stout, so it obviously wasn't fizzy.
Speaker 1:He likes his sound effects Cheers, cheers, sound effects Cheers. Cheers Wals, lovely, lovely.
Speaker 2:Lovely. A nice drop that Worth the effort. A nice drop, it's, yeah lovely. I'm glad everyone waited for that. I like that.
Speaker 1:That's nice. It's got to be more than a six or a seven then.
Speaker 2:I would say 8.7.
Speaker 1:Can you actually taste the marshmallow? No, no, so it's just.
Speaker 2:It's just a stout really no, I mean, I would say a hint, a very hint are you getting?
Speaker 1:are you getting hints of cinema and fairgrounds?
Speaker 2:a hint of. Imagine eating a load of marsh, eating a load of marshmallow, all right, washing it down with a coke, yeah. An hour later, that taste you still got your mouth okay, that's.
Speaker 1:You sold it to me. That's the marketing language right there, if you want that feeling in your mouth of marshmallows and coke. So you just want your teeth to feel a bit furry drink that an hour later but if you have marshmallows and coke, your teeth are going to feel furry, there's no doubt even an hour later.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, two hours, like two hours later, and there we go. That's another exciting segment of thirsty.
Speaker 1:First, it went very smooth.
Speaker 2:That's what I that's what I write in. Please write in to first. Uh sorry, first look first names outlookcom. Um, if you wish to hear more thirsty firsts, outlookcom. If you wish to hear more Thirsty Firsts. If you don't write it, we presume you do First look Should.
Speaker 1:I go first. You go first, wally, you go first.
Speaker 2:So not quite technically, a first Part of it is a first look. The other part of it is it's been a while, but a first look as an adult. So the other weekend I had a first look at the hoe.
Speaker 1:At the hoe.
Speaker 2:At the hoe.
Speaker 1:I'm assuming this is the garden tall, or it's a pub.
Speaker 3:No, it's the Hoe in Plymouth. Standing on the luscious green-lawned expanse of the Hoe is the iconic Smeaton's Tower lighthouse. You'll see the glorious Tinside Lido, open to the public for bathing during the summer months. It is here where Sir Francis Drake, intrepid explorer and local hero, is immortalised in a statue situated just a few metres from the green where he finished his game of bowls before heading out to defeat Spanish Armada in 1588.
Speaker 2:It's more famous down here, I suppose, but the typical red and white striped lighthouse.
Speaker 2:Oh yes, Paul and bill style yeah, so, it was yeah so, and uh, we stayed there because my, uh, my dad was hosting a conference. Um, for all the, all the good deeds and charity work um that he does. Uh, logan logan raised over 200 pounds for his, uh, his secret marathon amazing. Um, so, yeah, raise attention for the afghan sports trust. So, um, yes, the the hoe area. Um, I had a first look at the home amazing, and how was it?
Speaker 2:uh, and it's a nice part, a nice part of plymouth, um, and we also went and had a first look at the national aquarium, uh, which is the largest aquarium in britain oh, that was good and it was really really good.
Speaker 2:And uh, logan's, he's um, he's really into like tiddler, but I've said before, um, he's into his fish and you know, on his birthday he went to a garden center so he could look at the fish tanks in the aquarium section. Um, he just goes, he waves and goes hiya, hiya, hiya, whereas you know the aquarium, I think, um, I think it was a bit sort of over. He was knackered afterwards.
Speaker 2:I think, um, it's just like, just so much for a little, you know, a little two-year-old brain yeah it's a lot, but, um, yeah, all sorts of weird looking fish and sharks and, you know, turtles and and all that sort of stuff, that's class. Um, yeah, really, yeah, really good, really good, recommend it he takes the biggest one in the uk.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a massive, yeah, massive tank, um, huge. Um, my niece actually is going. I went there to sleep the sharks. They would all sleep the sharks a bit. So you can sort of this is like a curved section of the tank and you just all the kids get their sleeping bags and just sit there and look into the tank Wow, sharks swimming around and stuff. Yeah, very good, that's class.
Speaker 2:And there's the lower end of the tank. So you're talking a massive, you you know that cinema screen type thing with obviously all your different types of fish swimming around. But then on the left there's a computer screen with a and some pads, um, so you can design your own fish or turtle or whatever. Um, and logan loved that so you can basically color in, you can color in the different fish and then you, um, uh, you can name it and then it basically releases it into the digital tank, okay, and then you can see the whatever you created swimming around in this digital tank, which was quite cool, um. But it's just funny how he was really excited about that and loved watching the digital thing, whereas you just turn your head just the right and you've got this massive real life cinema screen, uh, aquarium, but uh yeah, really good, um yeah, and well worth the well worth it.
Speaker 1:I'm very jealous, williams, that's like. That does sound like a lot of fun there's a nice. There's a guy I work with. I work for an American company. There's this guy. He's our lead developer. One day a week he works in a big aquarium in Philadelphia. What he has to do, he has to get in the tank and they do a show. They do two shows a day. There's a camera inside the helmet that is obviously submerged under the water.
Speaker 1:He talks and talks around the fish and feeds the fish and it's a bit like a sea life center. So everyone sits outside of the tank. He gets into the tank, um, and does the kind of talk on the fish and stuff like whilst doing it.
Speaker 1:I'm like, so four days a week you help us with coding and then one day a week you go and present a sea life show. It's so odd, but he said like I was talking to him. He said like if you ever come over to philadelphia, they have access like above the tank. There's like it's a bit like a stage. They've got rafters above the tank, so you can actually go above it and see in down.
Speaker 1:He said that's where you get the best views and stuff. Um, and we've just we just bought. So for brain's birthday last september he wanted a fish tank so we got him. He wanted we took him very similar to logan love his idea. So we took him to the um, the garden center, took at the fish and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, and he wanted a fish tank for his birthday so we got him all set up. But he wanted we said like, should we just get goldfish, cold water fish? And he's like, of course, no, that's far too plain and simple. He wanted a warm tank like a heated tank gosh, yeah, he wanted some tetras and an angel fish and all this.
Speaker 1:So we got him this tank, got it all set up, but it took such a long time for it to become established. So again, it was all kind of foreign to me really. You have to get the water set up, then you have to, kind of, you have to get the filter set up ph levels and get the biological. We had a biological bloom, so I'll tell you about this. It went. It went really like it felt like a cloudy water.
Speaker 1:We put the water in october and we only got the first fish about seven weeks ago. Now I'm loving life. We've got the first fish about seven weeks ago. Now I love in life. We've got the test, you know every Saturday morning for brain to earn his pocket money. One of his first chore out of his threes, he has to test the water and the fish tank fish.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he has to get.
Speaker 1:He has to do the drops and all that kind of stuff and shake the bowls to make sure the levels are right. And we do a. We do a First look, Mr Archie. Well, I mean, this is going to surprise you, Williams. I'm rock and roll through and through.
Speaker 3:You are.
Speaker 1:I bleed hardcore sex, drugs rock and roll.
Speaker 2:You talk AC, DC, DC, everything I know.
Speaker 1:Pretty much. Yeah. If there was ever anybody who said who lives that rock and roll lifestyle, people would probably point to me and say first one in the club, last one out of the club Dripping with just women around drinking the Cristal. So I mean, when I talk about my first look today, it won't be any surprise to you really, williams. It's a very cool subject, but we've just entered spring, the spring out. Who else?
Speaker 1:we have and you know, you know about me well, you know the things I like to do. You know the life I lead the rock and roll so, um, it thrilled me that just two weeks ago to this very night, a new series of Gardener's World was back on TV. Monty Dunn, monty's back. Guess who's back? Monty's back.
Speaker 2:Guess who's back. Guess who's back.
Speaker 1:I do jest, I do jest, but Gardener's World, come on. So we are keen gardeners in this house.
Speaker 1:We had an allotment and we no longer have the allotment because of proximity to our home. But we have recently moved home and we now have a much larger plot of our own of which we are starting to grow. So, gardener's World, it's the starting pistol for you. Better make sure you're getting on with it. Um, so this this week is kind of the first look at. I've talked about gardening before. I've talked about growing things before, but for the first time baby onions.
Speaker 1:Last episode baby onions last episode, yes, and now we've been. We've been sowing the kale and the sprouts and we'll get into this later. While I'm, we'll get into some more of this. See, kale from the shop. It's just, it can't compare to like your own grown cow. But I'm getting ahead of myself, williams, I'm getting ahead of myself, because we may talk about that later.
Speaker 1:However, I wanted to talk about because I don't want to just continue going about the same things and garden. But this year we have started for the first time to actually design a garden of a superior standard, should we say a superior standard yeah so like we've designed we've designed gardens in the past and we've built gardens, now being small, but now we have a our garden.
Speaker 1:We're very lucky in our new place. It's a south facing garden and it's a sloped garden and I've got a. I'm fascinated with japanese gardens, um, because I love asa. So I've been growing asa for the last six years because they're very expensive to buy big, so I brought a couple of small ones that have been grown them and I just love the style of japanese gardens. And when we were looking at this house in the garden I I said to my wife I said we need to buy this house because that's going to make the best Japanese garden. And so we've started to actually design it, because we want to start building it. So we're designing a Japanese greenhouse that we want to make.
Speaker 2:And we've got quite a few Japanese listeners.
Speaker 1:We do now as well. Yeah, so it ties in nicely and because of, obviously, the natural incline, it runs down a hill. We want to build a stream like a babbling brook and a koi and obviously we're talking about fish we want to get a koi carp, we want to get some koi carp and build a big pond. So we started to design this thing because we're like, right, I reckon this is going to take us three to five years just to landscape and build, and then obviously, the length of time it takes to mature. But our ambitions, I mean, god willing again, if I'm not in church, I'm in the garden. God willing, we'll be, you know, here for a long time and enjoying this garden. So we might as well make the start now, because it's going to take such a long time.
Speaker 1:As I say, these aces that've been growing, they grow so slowly, they are really slow growing trees, um. But we've also been growing a lot of rhododendrons, um, and aces and stuff which are, um, very japanese in their style and their shape. So we have a lot of plants now ready to be planted out from their big like 30 inch pots, 14 inch pots, and we just want to get started. So we've been mounted on was was kind of it was always great because I love gardeners world. But it was also kind of good this year because, like right, we're taking on, we're going, we're leveling up our gardening game volumes.
Speaker 1:We're going from allotment people to right, we're actually designing a garden and it's a lot of rock and roll rock and there are a lot of rocks and there is a potential that they will roll down the hill if we don't do it properly and dig proper fountains, use the right materials. But yeah, it's um, it's going to be exciting. I mean, goodness knows we're all finished.
Speaker 2:Do you know the best garden tool for your aces?
Speaker 1:Protect them from the wind. Best garden tool Very sharp Secateurs, spades, spades.
Speaker 2:Aces and spades, aces spades, aces spades.
Speaker 1:It was I thinking you were being serious there, giving me a really good tip for dad. No, you were actually doing a very, very, very amusing um dad joke. But no, the first look at designing a garden, a garden as well, being back on is great. Uh, I know most people have probably skipped forward at this point, but if you, if you're into, if you, if you know, you know walliams, if you're into your gardens, then you know.
Speaker 2:But that was, that was my we've got, we got, we got, we got an aces tree two years ago um and they said on it uh, keep it um in a sheltered, sheltered spot they don't like the wind, walliams, they don't like the wind they don't like the wind. We live in the windiest garden ever. So it's not really it's not really done anything yet, but uh, the last couple weeks it's it's still showing a bit. It's like I'm still alive and it's it's doing something. So we'll, uh, we'll see. Have you settled itself?
Speaker 1:have you got any dead wood on it? Because you have to, you have to remove any dead wood no so you'll see with like an acer tree if it has oh, on the tree, it's on the tree itself, on the branches, yeah, yeah so you see, if it's like a re oh my god, I could geek out williams we should talk about this offline, really not when we're recording a podcast welcome to another garden episode, although, to be fair to be fair to be fair of our audience apart from it seems we're not mums.
Speaker 2:I imagine people searching gnomes are probably gardeners.
Speaker 1:Probably, probably. I mean it's a mix, some of our content's a mixed bag, because we talk about.
Speaker 2:It is a mixed bag.
Speaker 1:We talk about a lot of geek stuff and like look here, like some of the first looks we've done include star trek and got. This can't be the first time I've talked about garden. You just reminded me that we talked about the bloody mini onion sets last week and I forgot about that. So I must have, I must have mentioned the allotment and garden in the past. Yeah, it's very niche. Niche, isn't it?
Speaker 2:it's very niche very niche, very niche did you know americans?
Speaker 1:they say niche. I think I might have mentioned this before as well. Like I keep working with these americans, we keep talking about audiences and they keep talking about niche audiences.
Speaker 2:I'm like niche and then I mean niche and our mums that like listening to nonsense.
Speaker 1:That's our audience there's a lot of moms out there who were just looking for a bit of insight into the male psyche. Every week and we give them a. You know the amount of the breadth of randomness that we talk about and I don't think they're surprised either probably not I think it just confirms what they already know men are stupid, throw rocks at them, but yeah, we love monty don, I would I, if anybody hasn't heard he talks about mounted on audiobooks and slowing them down, so he sounds drunk still one of my favorite things to do, but uh, there's um, so ahead of the, they're doing the.
Speaker 1:Obviously there's a chelsea flower show every year. So another one of the things I like listening to the Joe Wiley show on radio too. For those who don't, she does a show from seven to nine. Um, and I never used to like Joe Wiley on radio once. She used to annoy me. Now, on radio too, I really like her. She's a keen gardener as well, so she's is. Her and Monty Don are designing a dog garden this year, so it's all to do with dogs, music, monty Don. I'm like I'm all over that, absolutely. I've hit middle age, williams, and I'm not ashamed of it. We grow. We grow our own potatoes. What can I say?
Speaker 2:another, another, another keen gardener, kelly Brook, she, she does love a bit of gardening yeah, it's true, yeah there you go.
Speaker 1:I forgot about that yeah trust you to remember. Tips for dads. Tips for dads. Tips for dads tips for dads right then. So as I've been talking about gardening, my tips today are about gardening, so I have three tips. Tip number one that's a lucky.
Speaker 1:It's a lucky segue it is a lucky segue. It's almost like it was planned again to give you, the audience, a peek behind the curtain. Walliams texted me at half past seven tonight and said it was still on. I said I haven't done my prep yet, should be done in half an hour. So I mean the prep. We spoke a good 30 minutes worth of prep into, which is more than we do most weeks. I'd say, williams, how long does it take you to come up with your song ideas?
Speaker 2:My song ideas, Surprisingly not that long. Surprisingly, it tends to be a quick I don't know. I kind of think of a word that rhymes with a number, and then I Google it put the word song and see what comes up.
Speaker 1:Well, it works, very well. It's it's simple but effective. Um, so garden, yeah, garden tips. So tip number one it's for dads who don't garden and I want to encourage you to start gardening. So I and I'll tell you for a while.
Speaker 1:You might be like garden, like why would I grow vegetables? It's cheaper, just to buy them. True, but here's the rub I found, and you may be the same here, walliams if I'm outside, the wife and the child they won't really venture out to come and ask me to do things. If I'm in the house doing something, I will be interrupted to be asked to do other things, not when I'm outside gardening. They never bother to come outside. So if I'm gardening, I can get like three, four hours in without seeing either any, any of them, and sometimes you just need that. If I try and do something inside for three, four hours, I will get disturbed every half an hour. Dad, can you help me do this? Craig, can you help me do this? Craig, can you help me do this? Dad, can you help me do this? Craig, did you do that? Why haven't you done it yet? Can you do it now? I need your help All the time.
Speaker 2:Does your wife not call you, mr Hodgkiss?
Speaker 1:She calls me many things, but she doesn't actually call me Mr Hodgkiss. She calls me by my actual name, but if I'm outside she doesn't call me at all, because it's outside and she can't be bothered to put her shoes on to come outside and see me. She's not going to shout out the window, so I'm free. So, dads, get outside, get your coat on, potter around, hide in the corner. Whatever you want to do, do it. Do it outside, you won't be disturbed. So I'm saying like genuine peace and quiet comes from gardening.
Speaker 2:And the sun's coming out and Scooby will have to get a bit of vitamin.
Speaker 1:D it is, it is. So that was my next tip. Well, it was tip number two Get outside, get some vitamin D and grow some vegetables. Some vitamin T. Some vitamin T Kaplunk vitamin T, so we get some vitamin D. I beg your pardon and start growing some vegetables. We've been doing it for many years now and it's one of it's a weird thing, but it's a strange satisfaction growing vegetables. So like we talked about kale earlier and onions a bit of curly.
Speaker 2:I remember once, like a couple of years ago, talked about kale earlier and onions A bit of curly curly.
Speaker 1:I remember once, like a couple of years ago, we tried to grow cucumbers for the first time and it's a weird like I can't even explain the sensation when you see a cucumber starting to grow.
Speaker 2:We've lost him, people, we've lost him.
Speaker 1:It was like a genuine, like sense of wonder. So, like we saw, we were like growing this plant. We're like, oh, it's not gonna, it's not gonna get any fruit. And then all of a sudden, one day, brain comes going dad, dad, what is it, son, I think, a cucumber starting to come and it's like okay, and you go and look at it and you're like it is yeah, it actually is yeah. And then like we sat and we watched that cucumber grow for the next few weeks and it was, it was a weird. What do you mean?
Speaker 2:you just sat there you got out of your little, your little fold up chair just sat there watching it you check up on it every day.
Speaker 1:How fast do they grow a cucumber? So you go from like a tiny little snub to a proper cucumber. Um, it may have been longer than that, but, like, because it depends when you pick it as well, you can probably pick it earlier than you should, but watching it grow on on the windowsill was so weird and strange, but really quite satisfying. Um, so, and the kids love it. So, like, yeah, if you don't garden start, if you don't know where to start start with plants. And then thirdly, if you like, oh, go on.
Speaker 2:Sorry, I beg your pardon have you yet entered into one of those village fates of you know biggest cucumber?
Speaker 1:no, we're not. One day, maybe once we've got the Japanese garden sorted, we can try and grow some large marrows, shall we say Award-winning, award-winning, large cucumbers. So yeah, get outside and garden If you don't know where to start start growing. If you just think that sounds too poncy, then get a power washer. That's my third tip. Get a a power washer. That's my third tip. Get a massive power washer, because I didn't realize how good these things were to use and how much fun they were until I yeah until I told, tell the listeners um a video that you sent massage kiss well, I'll get to that one as I get to that.
Speaker 1:So we again, we moved into this old house. We've got this big old garden which hasn't been had much attention, so I borrowed a power washer and I spent nearly seven hours power washing and it was one of the most satisfying seven hours ever. Again, no one came outside to book me, and the satisfaction of getting all the crap and the moss off of old stone and seeing the color of it underneath was just brilliant. And also, you can, when it's that old and manky, you can. You can draw things in the mock, draw pictures. You can draw pictures in the mock. So, um, yes, ladies and gentlemen, I did. I did draw something in the mock and filmed it and sent it to the lads group and, uh, I don't think you need to tell us what it is.
Speaker 1:I think people, I think the listeners can guess I got a response from a friend saying I did that recently I wrote my kids names and I was like, yeah, I could have written, I could have written my kids names. But you know, it's much more funny to draw cucumbers and tomatoes.
Speaker 2:And tomatoes, yeah, cucumber tomatoes.
Speaker 1:And yeah as middle-aged as. I am talking about this. I'm still a child, so yeah, that was my first little culture. Tips for dads Get outside and garden.
Speaker 2:Talking to children, I had just a mini tips for dads. Basically, don't stress with kids and their toys. With Logan, he'll play with kids and their toys. With Logan, I've seen he'll play with anything Like little bits of sausage, little bits of sausage with dinner. Suddenly they're cars. They're racing cars, or planes or helicopters, or pebbles. They're not pebbles, Again, they're racing cars or whatever. Don't worry, if you can't get your kid a toy, give them some pebbles or get them to play the food, it's all good.
Speaker 1:It's all good. They don't need fancy expensive stuff, do they? They've got imagination, Every single thing they touch is a wonder.
Speaker 2:His imagination at the moment is just on fire. It's quite it's fun to watch At dinner time at the moment. We finish before him, but we sit with him because we know he will finish the food and he's there and you'll have a little break and then you'll, you know, play whatever and then you'll kind of like torture the food. But in his own little way it looks like I'm going to eat you up.
Speaker 1:He's presenting to life.
Speaker 2:He doesn't say that. But yeah, don't stress, kids will play with anything.
Speaker 1:Of course they will. Of course they will. That's what they always say.
Speaker 2:Don't they.
Speaker 1:You know Carpet boxes, the thing the kids Want the most. It's very true. Let a kid go wild With his imagination.
Speaker 2:Good tips, mr Autocast. Good tips. I couldn't get away with not doing a an additional, additional little first look let's have it for the first I've had a first look I've had, so it's been, it's uh, it's been in my mind for about almost 30 years. Wow, almost 30 years this has been in my mind are we talking about Kelly Brook again? Building up 70 years. It's been 70 years, mr Hodgeskiss. I had a first look at Newcastle United winning a trophy away the lads, away the lads away the lads?
Speaker 2:yes, I've ever since I was a kid, just before Euro 96. I didn't really get into football until fairly late, but Euro 96 was my tournament and that converted me into football and I was like, oh, who are my favourite players? There's quite a few on that team. There's quite a few on that team. Oh, should I support Arsenal? Should I support Newcastle? Oh, should I support man United? I'll support Newcastle.
Speaker 1:Because they were good at the time.
Speaker 2:Arsenal go on to being the invincibles. Man United win every trophy under the sun, newcastle nothing the finish second some good seconds, some good seconds. We came um. It came second in the premier league and we came runners up many of time in the fa cup, charity shields league cup. And then we had a huge, just nothing.
Speaker 1:You had Mike Ashley for a while.
Speaker 2:We had yes, yes and then yes this year. Since I was a kid, I don't know I always imagine myself at Wembley with my Newcastle gear, stripping off, waving my shirt around, getting my belly tattooed with NUFC on it, getting my belly tattooed with nufc on it, um and uh, going crazy with the, the victory of newcastle united finally winning a cup. But, um, no, I was at home. They won. Uh, I was about to celebrate and then logan ran into the corner of the table. Oh no, oh dear. So yeah, he was my first concern. It kind of took a bit of the edge off it.
Speaker 1:It was all right, no pun intended. It took the edge off.
Speaker 2:He was. Yeah, yes, he took the edge off the table, but yeah, it was one of those things where you know all your life. You're like Newcastle winning the trophy is a major thing, but actually the health of your two-year-old son is actually more important.
Speaker 1:You're far too nice. I'm just thinking Logan, you selfish little boy you did that on purpose.
Speaker 2:You took your dad's moment. Oh, that's alright, I'm just waiting another 70 years.
Speaker 1:That's all there is. I've got a little secret, first one, but I think I'll keep that for the next one.
Speaker 2:I'll tease people, so we'll finish with a dad joke. I think I've done one already, but we'll do a dad joke.
Speaker 1:There's always room for more.
Speaker 2:I don't know why some people hate lazy people. I mean, they didn't do anything very good anyways, people see you in a couple weeks for episode 10. We'll see you in a couple of weeks. We embarrass ourselves again. Well, just in case, just for you know, see you in a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1:We embarrass ourselves again. Well, just in case, just for you know, back up, bring a can opener, in case you can't get into your, your beer again. Alright, make sure you stock up, pull up volumes, pull up see you then.
Speaker 2:Bye.
Speaker 1:I mean, who? Who doesn't want to listen to this? I mean, if people Google, that's how people are finding us. In Japan, they're searching for Cool Brits, cool Britannia, you know. Spirit of 96. Gnomes.
Speaker 2:I don't know what gnomes means in Japan.
