First Look Gnomes
Two Dad's doing Silly Things.
Everyone wants to learn something new, but only some people want to sit down and read a bunch of nonsense - so why not listen to some instead? Chuck in some random facts and a couple of Dad jokes, and you'll be full of (potentially useless) knowledge in no time.
Whether all of it is true is part of the gnomery.
Join Cornishman "Walliams" in the shed at the bottom of his garden in Cornwall and Wulfrunian (a man from Wolverhampton apparently) "Mr Hodgkiss" from Belfast as they take a "first look" at the relatively unknown, learn some stuff and chat about life as Parents.
Dive into the First Look Gnome Universe every month and learn about random things you didn't even know you wanted to learn about! Fill some of your day with something interesting, engaging, and funny.
Welcome to the bottom of the garden.......'But what about the Gnomes?' I hear you cry!
Good things come to gnomes who wait. And ones that rate, review and subscribe :)
First Look Gnomes
Dads, Drinks, and Dad Jokes: A Hilarious Gnome Take
A mix of hilarious dad jokes, parenting tips, and tales of adventure await. We tackle listener feedback and the art of finding balance in family life, punctuated by laughter and reflections.
• Welcome to First Look Gnomes: The absurdity of parenting
• Tips for parents from our latest experiences
• Bad dad jokes that make you groan or laugh
• Engagement with listeners in our Fish Pond of Feedback
• Discussing the ‘temperature war’ in relationships
• Exploring new beers and what makes them unique
Stay connected with us, share your stories, and embrace the joy of parenting!
Join us for a First Look at;
- Thirsty Thirst The Misfits
- Winter Sun Holidays
- Colourblocks
- The Sopranos
& the Gno-it-all gnome answers your questions!
Write in to firstlookgnomes@outlook.com with your questions, feedback or first looks.
Click here via your Mobile Device to send us a message!
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Help grow the show !
Welcome to First Look Gnomes, the podcast where two dads do silly things, and the gnome answers all of your burning questions.
Speaker 2:We discuss our first looks, and don't miss our tips for dads, because who wouldn't have any tips from us? Enjoy a good laugh with our collection of bad jokes and dad jokes that will make you groan or maybe even giggle.
Speaker 1:And don't forget to share your thoughts in the fish pond of feedback where we read and respond to listener comments. If you simply email, here we go that's right my moment of shame and guilt and doubt I love, I love that here we go what am I doing my life? Episode eight. So much right now. Ain't you so much right now, ah, episode eight. So much right now. Episode eight. You so much right now. Episode 8. You so much right now. 8. You so much right now. Episode 8. You right now, episode 8.
Speaker 2:I guarantee this Williams.
Speaker 1:How do you spend your Saturday evenings with Toshkos?
Speaker 2:I guarantee you this Kelis has never once thought. I wonder how people are using my art and my music. I wonder if there's a guy in Cornwall who has rhymed the word eight with hate and use it as an introduction to a podcast where two dads talk nonsense for half an hour Brilliant.
Speaker 1:Bravo, walliams. Thank you very much, that was excellent.
Speaker 2:I think the fact that you just sung episode eight you so much right now, justifies what I just said to my wife which was. You should actually listen to the podcast. Walliams is actually really well. Walliams doesn't know it, but he's really quite funny. Like I said that, I literally said that to my wife like three minutes ago and you just validated everything I said to her with episode eight. You right now oh dear some people probably don't think we're funny but I thought that was genius.
Speaker 1:Well done mate. Well done mate. That's what our Saturdays are about, aren't they?
Speaker 2:you've cheered me up nowhere in there.
Speaker 1:That was fantastic yeah so with the season planning, we said, right, that episode's going to have the firsty first, that episode's going to have the fishpond of feedback. But I like a beer, miss Archkiss, so I'm going to also have another thirsty first, whey.
Speaker 2:So I'm just going to go into the thirsty fridge which is the one section Still stuck behind, the one part of the podcast that Walliams will not let go of Before we get to the fishpond of feedback, when they one part of the podcast that Walliams will not let go of Before we get to the first one of feedback, when they say please stop with the thirsty. First, man needs his beer.
Speaker 1:This one's called the Misfits. Again, this is from the Wifey Wife. You're not going to like this one, Mr Oshkiss. You're not going to like it.
Speaker 2:Is it fruity?
Speaker 1:Describe the picture.
Speaker 2:Oh, what the bloody hell is that Strawberries?
Speaker 1:Grapes this is called the Misfits Brewed in partnership with Freedom Brewery. I mean, describe that picture of the strawberry that she's holding.
Speaker 2:It looks like a strawberry booby, or is it a willy? I can't quite work it out. Is it a booby or a willy?
Speaker 1:So the last episode sustainable brewing with basically leftover tiger bread or algae.
Speaker 2:Oh, odd shaped fruit, is it?
Speaker 1:Brew using wonky fruit to avoid food. So this one, as the last one, was brewed with leftover bread and this one's um fruit wastage basically.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, I'm all for using wonky fruit, but not in a beer four point and beer 4 4.5%.
Speaker 1:Beer brewed with fruit, and I've had a beer or two.
Speaker 2:Put your teeth in.
Speaker 1:Beer brewed with fruit and fruit puree.
Speaker 2:Fruit and I'm not enjoying this one already Wiles Sweet forest fruits of a sour touch from cherry Sessionable Light.
Speaker 1:From cherry Sessionable Light, easy drinking, mmm Sessionable. So what define? What's sessionable mean, mr Archie?
Speaker 2:So to me, sessionable means if you want to go out and have, you want a session, yeah. So I like to go out personally, subjectively speaking, I don't go out to get drunk. I go out to spend time with friends and I like to spend as much time with those friends as possible, as coherent as possible, while still being drunk. To find balance, I tend to find, personally, when you veer into the kind of 5% beers, by the time it gets to 10pm over the evening you're all doolally and you're all talking nonsense and you can't really string a sentence together, whereas with a session beer which to me perfect 3.4% you can be at 10 o'clock. You've had 4 beers, so you're well oiled, but not so oiled that you don't know what time of the day it is. A session beer for me is something you can drink over several hours without getting totally pished but still have the nice kind of lip-loosener characteristics that alcohol brings. So yeah, I like a Session Al for that reason. It looks lovely In the glass. That looks really nice, but fruit.
Speaker 1:Not too sour actually. It says If you are not entirely satisfied with this product, please return it to the store where it was purchased and we'll please replace or refund it. How am I meant to return this? I put it back in with the tin open.
Speaker 2:You're not unsatisfied with it. You gave it six out of ten.
Speaker 1:That's not unsatisfied, is it not?
Speaker 2:That's just. I don't like it as much as other stuff. I wish I'd had a Guinness instead.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Do you think they'd give me a Guinness instead if I returned?
Speaker 2:it. You could try, but I think the problem is sweet and she's listening. So I do like it and she's listening, so I do like it. Thank you very much, much appreciated. Thank you, it's georgie. If you're listening, stop buying beer with fruit in it or with blueberries in it, or fruit or beers that are like raspberry ripple ice cream but it's a 4.5 percent, it's very sensible oh, yes, keep keep the sensible, sensible strength 100.
Speaker 2:But I think I mean well, I think you've got to, you've got to kind of, you've got to put the foot down there and say you know, there's certain ingredients that need to go in beer. Fruit is not one of them. Would you? Would you agree or disagree?
Speaker 1:um, I have. I have had a nice fruity beer in my time um give me an example well, can't, but it wouldn't. It's not my go to, but I have, I'm sure. I have on one of these podcasts, I'm sure, but it's not my go to, mr Hodgkiss, mr Hodgkiss yes, yes, mr Williams you need to get something out, don't you? Yes get it out my okay't you. Yes, get it out, okay, hang on no your rod, Get your rod out.
Speaker 2:Oh, I beg your pardon.
Speaker 1:Sorry, sorry, sorry Didn't mean to do that. Get your fishing rod out. Mr Hodgkiss.
Speaker 2:I'll put those away. It's time I didn't get my rod out.
Speaker 1:It's time for the fishponder feedback. Fishponder feedback. First bit of feedback per usual, from the wifey wife. She would like me to say if you go back to episode 5, fatherly follies and retro revelations, I think it was called the wife wanted me to clarify that when I said shake him out of the, I'm not going to sleep, I didn't literally check the baby. Okay, apparently, these days you have to clarify these things. So, I just wanted to say when I said shake him out of it, I didn't literally mean shake him out of it.
Speaker 2:What were you talking about? Because I can't remember that one.
Speaker 1:So this was just at the start of the episode. We had, uh, we had some technical delays and then we're about to start and then, um, logan won't go to sleep, so I ended up going in and helped him out and the change yeah shook him out of it brilliant but the way I said it it sounded like I shook him out of it. I did not amazing all right so, just for legal reasons and and the truth to confirm, I did not shake any babies don't shake the babies uh, emails.
Speaker 1:Have we had any emails? We have had an email. We've had an email for it. Um, and we were talking about this in the last episode I think can I just stay?
Speaker 2:by the way, I'm still baffled.
Speaker 1:The fact that people actually email. Well, maybe less so when you hear about this email, but um we were talking about. How good would it be to get some investment? Oh yes so we got an email from. This is asia gaddafi. Dear friend, I came across your email contact prior to a private search while in need of your assistance. Oh dear, I am, as am Aisha Gaddafi, the only biological daughter of former president Muammar Gaddafi. I am a single mother and a widow with three children.
Speaker 1:I have investment funds worth $27,500,000 United States dollars. That is a lot, lot. I need a trusted partner because of my refugee current refugee status status. However, I am interested in you for investment project assistance in your country. Best regards, mrs asia laddafi. Okay.
Speaker 2:We've got an investor $27,500,000 United States dollars. Oh, mate, we are going to. If we had $27.5 million to put into this podcast, can you imagine the quality of the content? It would go up at least 3%.
Speaker 1:So should I reply and get things going.
Speaker 2:Oh, mate we need, because imagine right, instead of us having to use at least three. So should I reply and get things going? Oh mate we need, we could get, because imagine right, instead of us having to use um kind of pretend snoop dog, we could actually get real snoop dog on the podcast you remember like we did that episode two kind of actual snoop dog yes, and the previous episode we had actual michael van gerwen oh, michael van gerwen is legit like he comes along.
Speaker 2:he's not in it for the money, he's in it for the fame and the glory.
Speaker 1:Imagine the guests we could get right 27 and a half million Our good friends over at Mini Messmakers. They've written in. I think you sent in something similar yourself, Mr Archkiss. They basically sent in something similar yourself, Mr Archkiss, but they basically sent in a little video about real dad joke survivors, which I think you sent us which is quite funny but I'm not sure why it's relevant to our jokes, though I don't know.
Speaker 2:Our jokes are pure class.
Speaker 1:It's basically a video documentary of kids talking about their parents and how it's basically ruined their lives which you know, it could be one of our sons one day. But said that once and said to his dad said, hey, I'm hungry and the dad goes hi, hey, I'm hungry and the dad goes hi, hungry, I'm dead. And then, like sad, music plays and then, uh, another girl talks about how she spilt some peas and the dad goes oh, he peed on the floor.
Speaker 2:It's the way it's filmed, though.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's the way it's filmed though.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like a proper it's filmed like you know, like um live aid and like water aid and those kind of like appeal videos. It's one of those like for survivors of dad jokes. Um it's a great P, is it? It's a really funny video. Can you post it on our Instagram?
Speaker 1:I can, I can yeah.
Speaker 2:What is our Instagram address, if anybody wants to follow us on Instagram.
Speaker 1:I'm a search for Firstlitnames. Very good Email in is always preferred Good, old-fashioned email to Firstlitnames at.
Speaker 2:Outlookcom. Well, thank you for Leanne for sending me the content.
Speaker 1:There's another bit that says, I think to Holly he says, hey Dad, content. There's. There's another bit. This is uh, I think. Uh to holly says, uh, hey dad, can you make me a sandwich? And the dad says, abracadabra, you are a sandwich and that's what it fades out. Holly now has an identity crisis. Yeah, we do, we appreciate.
Speaker 2:Can you make me a sandwich? A bric-a-dare or a sandwich.
Speaker 1:I think our quality jokes are a bit higher though.
Speaker 2:You say our quality jokes, your quality of jokes.
Speaker 1:You're the dad joke expert, new listeners, people listening. God love you all, which is uh, which is a worry. Um, there's been, which is a worry quite a leap.
Speaker 2:I've had a spike a spike in um.
Speaker 1:Well, asia, I'll get to it shortly, but yeah, very much as Um a big spike. So I don't know what prompted that from our previous episodes, but we've got um, so we've got a new listener from Pleiku gear lay province in Vietnam. I apologize for all the pronunciations of these.
Speaker 2:So again, let's just clarify this these are people who have actually genuinely downloaded the podcast.
Speaker 1:Vietnam, yep, so I don't know, oh, hang on there Wiles Some sort of search for something we spoke about or whatever, the last episode.
Speaker 2:Has led people to it yeah. So can I legitimately do the Robin Williams line yeah? Good morning Vietnam. We can actually say that on our podcast now. That's unbelievable.
Speaker 1:I don't think we've had one from Vietnam before. It's quite possibly the first one from Vietnam, which is cool.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the team Vietnam.
Speaker 1:We've had some from South Korea before. We've got a new listener in South Korea, sion Nam Si Gnogigi. I apologize, nice, a new listener from Newburgh Missouri.
Speaker 2:Nice, we were talking about moving to Missouri this week at home randomly. Oh, that's random.
Speaker 1:There we go, Taiwan. Another one Taiwan Taichung city hello taiwan kiosung city, um, and then mr hodgkiss, I don't know why close to town japan, japan. Things are kicking off in japan now.
Speaker 2:Are we big in Japan?
Speaker 1:Well, five listeners, five new listeners in Japan. It's kicking off. It's blowing up.
Speaker 2:We've gone viral. We've gone viral in Japan.
Speaker 1:Yeah, five new listeners in Japan. So we've got a new listener in again. I'm really really sorry. Again, I'm really really sorry. I'm presuming these people are expats in Japan or learning English in Japan, I don't know. But a new listener in Nishinomiya Hyaga in Japan. Wow, sapporo Hokado, japan. Higashi Murayama in Tokyo. Okay.
Speaker 2:Hanamutsu shizuka, japan. I'm really sorry I'm pronouncing these as best as possible.
Speaker 1:Basically, I should just should just go on japan um this one. Mr hodgkins, I need your help with the pronunciation, please.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:I've got a new listener. Shall I spell it out for you.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:F U K.
Speaker 2:U Fukushima, yeah, s-h-i-m-a, o-h-i-m-a okay, a fuck you okay japan.
Speaker 1:Yes, I got new listeners from japan, so that's kicked off, so I don't remember who had. I think we have had a listener from japan, but we're not definitely not in that that quantity.
Speaker 2:But well, it's interesting, fuck you.
Speaker 1:Okay, pardon.
Speaker 2:Fuck you Okay.
Speaker 1:I would have gone with Fukuoka.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, well, I'll go with that one. We'll go with that one. That sounds better, but we so? This isn't a first look, it's not an official first look, but we watched that um boy band. I don't know if you've seen it, so in the? Uh, in the 90s and the noughties in the united kingdom boy bands ruled the roost and the? Uh bbc have created a documentary about these boy bands. The Wifey Wife and I I can't say the Wifey Wife, that's you, my wife and I watched it and it was bands like Five and Take that.
Speaker 1:Five are back together.
Speaker 2:Well, they are probably because of this show. This show has probably brought the attention back to them.
Speaker 1:But there was a band called 9-1-1.
Speaker 2:The United Kingdom, the first look names not our show, no, the boy band show. Um, the boy band 9-1-1 were probably not that big, and well, we'll know, probably about it. They were not that big in the united kingdom. They had like one number one and a load of kind of top 10 hits, which is still pretty big, but not compared to the likes of take that, however. So, yeah, 9-1-1, they weren't that big in the uk, I mean, they were big, but they weren't massive. But they went viral in asia.
Speaker 2:So they were huge in southeast asia, so they were massive in malaysia, thailand, indonesia, the philippines, um, so maybe that's what's happening. Maybe, maybe you and I we're not going to be that big in the UK but in Southeast Asia, so we could be under the radar.
Speaker 1:In the UK People would think we're just normal, you know, wouldn't recognize us in the street, yeah, whereas in South Asia boom massive.
Speaker 2:You land in. If Mr Cornish Walliams lands in Tokyo, basically the city stops because there are screaming girls.
Speaker 1:Beatlemania type thing.
Speaker 2:Beatlemania, it's first look. No mania, but only in Southeast Asia. Maybe, that could be what's happening. I don't think you're right. We can come back for a nice bit of peace and quiet. Maybe that could be what's happening. I don't know if you're right, because we can come back for a nice bit of peace and quiet yeah, agoto, agoto, japan. Agoto gozaimasu Magoto, ni agoto gozaimasu Okioka.
Speaker 1:Lovely. Also a new listener from and this is our third new listener from Africa, so we've got a new listener from. This is our third new listener from Africa. So we've got a new listener from Iran, algeria, which our last season's target was to get a listener in Africa, and we've now got three. Still no one from the moon or outer space oh, come on now.
Speaker 2:Even with, like Bezos and Kate Perry, the last season wasn't until the very last, still no one from the moon or outer space. Oh, come on now. Even we'd like to bang his ass.
Speaker 1:The last season wasn't until the very last episode that we got a listener from africa, so who knows?
Speaker 2:well, now katie perry is actually going into space.
Speaker 1:Katie perry's going to space for me. What would you mean?
Speaker 2:no, you know katie perry, she's going to space Right. So the singer, a load of other women they're doing like the first all female space thing on, like trip on Bezos, one of Bezos' space shuttles I think it's Bezos, it's one of them, it's Bezos' space shuttles.
Speaker 1:I think it's Bezos. It's one of them. It's Bezos.
Speaker 2:Musk yeah, she's going to space. What we need to do, here's the target, Wiles. We need to get Katy Perry to become a fan of our podcast, do a little download. Do a little download while she's up in space, and then we can say we have somebody GPS coordinated from space.
Speaker 1:It also happens to be Katie Perry. Does GPS work up there?
Speaker 2:You become. Yeah, you are the satellite up there, right.
Speaker 1:How does that work?
Speaker 2:I don't know. I don't know about these things. All I know is Katie Perry's a fan.
Speaker 1:She's going to space.
Speaker 2:She's going to be very close to the moon, so we could make it.
Speaker 1:We could make it Katie Perry. If it keeps saying Katie Perry, then it might come up on the searches Katie Perry, Katie Perry, Katie.
Speaker 2:Perry. I'll tell you what. Katie Perry's not very good at Making tickets affordable. She's coming to Belfast in the summer. We had a look at tickets and the cheapest we'd get was like 190 quid or something?
Speaker 1:Wasn't there some sort of rumour that she's a robot because her eyelids wouldn't close and she malfunctioned, or something?
Speaker 2:Katy Perry's a robot because her eyelids wouldn't close.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but wasn't there a thing where her eyelids wouldn't close. Well, they closed and they got stuck and they didn't reopen wow, she probably was knackered.
Speaker 2:Yeah, google it, have you seen how skinny she is.
Speaker 1:Google katy perry eyelid video, or something I will have a look at that.
Speaker 2:I I'm a big katy perry fan she malfunctioned as a robot, apparently, so okay, well, there you go, katy perry bot would you like to do your first look?
Speaker 2:I can do. Yes, so my first look, walliams. We did something we've never done before, something that I have wanted to do all my well, all my adult life, and circumstances have never allowed us to do it, but recently we were able to do it. It was go somewhere warm in the winter. We've never done it before and I'm gonna say this we would absolutely do it again, even though it absolutely played with my mind. So, um, I'm not a big fan of winter in the United Kingdom is usually cold wet as well as wet cold.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's wet, it's cold and it lasts forever. Like I remember as a kid, we used to have three seasons. Winter started at Christmas and was done by March, and then March the spring would come in and it would be nice. Now I don't just live in Ireland, which is obviously a lot further north than Wolverhampton, but winter seems to start in September and doesn't finish till June. It's cold and wet for nine months of the year. So it's got.
Speaker 2:My kind of seasonal affective disorder has got worse and I've always said for years now like, ah, the christmas holiday is such a waste of time because you've got like a lot of places and my places I've worked have like forced you to take a week off work but you can't go anywhere because to try and go abroad or something is like 3 000 quid and, um, most of the time people are sick and you've got responsibilities to family etc. So I'm like it's, it's annual leave, but it's not like productive annual leave. Um, but this year for the first time and not at christmas but at half term we were able to go abroad to the canary islands. Just because the stars aligned. We my wife was able to get annual leave, brain was off school and we got ourselves a little trip abroad. Um, and because the the northern irish holidays and the english holidays, don't have no episode last uh yeah, that's it we were.
Speaker 2:We were away, um, and northern irish holidays don't clash with the english holiday, so it's's not stupidly expensive and we're like we saw a deal. I'm like that sounds too good to be true, but we took it and it was all legit. So we went away and it was the freakiest thing ever, because when we left it was two degrees and when we four hours later it was 22 degrees four hours. It was 22 degrees four hours, 20 degrees warmer. That freaked me out, because we took off in the cold and then got off the plane and was like this is warm and there's no grass anywhere, it's dry, um, and there seems there's volcanoes. And we went for a sunshine holiday in february we didn't see a cloud for a week it was so bizarre, um, you know, like a summer holiday.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was a summer holiday it's february, I don't get it. I couldn't compute it in my head. I was like this is a weird thing to say and I apologize. I don't apologize, it's just what I observed.
Speaker 1:Am I guessing you've not been to the Canary Islands before?
Speaker 2:No, I have been.
Speaker 1:I have been.
Speaker 2:You go for your summer holiday and it's summer and you go somewhere and it's like summer. I've not been to the sun in the winter, are they?
Speaker 1:saying that I suppose yeah 13, 14.
Speaker 2:When I think about this, what are you in 2021? 12 years ago, we went to dubai and you know what freaked me out there? The moon was upside down. So in the united kingdom you have a crescent moon and the crescent moon is a guy on the left and on the right, but when you're in dubai, because obviously of the the way the planet, is the crescent moon is upside down so it's like a smile.
Speaker 2:So the moon is like a smile rather than a kind of an ear um, it was the same kind of effect here, just being in the sunshine in february, like what, why am I? I'm doing?
Speaker 1:the macarena in february.
Speaker 2:No one does the macarena in february. If I was to say to you william to the macarena, you'd say no, not until july, july, you know.
Speaker 1:Sunshine is associated with england in the euros until July.
Speaker 2:July is when you do the Macarena July. You know sunshine is associated with England in the Euros, like music festivals and the Macarena February is. Where's the Macarena? Everyone's got COVID, Because that's what people do on holiday, isn't it? You go on holiday, Is it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you do like Saturday.
Speaker 2:You do like Cha Cha Slide the Macarena. Saturday night all those kind of songs you know, all the kids are up and there's the holiday reps going. Come on everybody. All the kids come on. Kids get up on the stage.
Speaker 1:Do the dancing a little mini first look.
Speaker 2:Logan's learnt how to do the Macarena has he learnt how to do the Macarena and does he love it?
Speaker 1:Macarena and does he love it? Does it in his own little way, but but does he love it?
Speaker 2:yeah, that's cute little legend yeah, sorry, I digress um, but no, just that, that was it. That was my first look going abroad to the sun in february was amazing, but really kind of messes with your head was.
Speaker 1:Uh, like I told you, I went there as a kid and used to call it a fart adventure. Anyways, any reason why? Well, it looks like it looks like a fart adventure, doesn't it? If we're to ventura, to it.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, it looks like a fart adventure well, fart adventure is a lot easier to say than futventura.
Speaker 1:So yeah, there you go um first looks for me. I've got a couple couple first looks tv related um so I've got had a first look at color blocks, color blocks, color blocks oh no, it's what a show do you great show? Um, so Logan's really into his colours at the moment, so and a first look at that show. Three seasons now. As you can guess, it's about colours. Purple is his favourite.
Speaker 2:Same as me he thinks he's purple.
Speaker 1:He thinks I'm red, apparently.
Speaker 2:He'd fill out the 8% beers.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and his mum is pink Um, but it's um, yeah, it's a, really yeah. First look at color blocks Uh, and today, fresh off the press, he's for the first time said the word red and the word white, which I think is really quite difficult word to say for a two year old white Um, and the word white, which I think is really quite difficult word to say for a two-year-old white um, and boo not quite a blue yet, but boo. So that's uh, that's cute. Um, and then other, as, as listeners of the first at home series know that are, and people that have started to listen, um, first at gnomes is, you know, it's hot off the press. First looks at stuff that no one else has ever looked at, um, such as google mic search and things like that. I've had a first look at the sopranos oh, great theme tune by the way.
Speaker 1:One, uh, one season two, a first look at the sopranos. Um, you definitely need the.
Speaker 1:You need to get through because I knew it was ranked as like top five tv series yeah, it's proper top draw all the time, um, and it was actually released in 1999, ranked as like top five TV series of all time, and it was actually released in 1999. So I'm a little bit behind the times, but only on season two, but you do need to. I was like I watched the first episode, second episode. It took me four or five episodes to go. Actually, this is worth watching, yeah, but yeah, the Sopranos enjoying it so far on season two lots of boobs, lots of gangsters, lots of just gangsters pretty much how you live your life, isn't it?
Speaker 2:boobs and gangsters. That's a difficult day in your life, good core family values in there as well I thought you were gonna say good, proper, good boobs like them, the good boobs, not the bad boobs, the good boobs and, uh yeah, a sort of insight into american life um in the early 2000s nice, but um yeah, so I first looked at the Sopranos and I first looked at Coloured Blocks. Are there any other shows on your radar from the past that you would like to watch?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so the Sopranos was one of those ones that when I said I've not watched it, there's a shock reaction. What do you mean? You've not watched the Sopranos, so probably the Band of Brothers Okay, I've reaction which I mean you don't watch the surprise. Um so probably the band of brothers. Okay, uh, I've not seen that, so I probably need to watch that what about the the wire?
Speaker 1:not watch that. No, so that's you know. I mean, that's meant to be very good, yeah, so there's, uh, yeah, but I'm getting more towards that and the way tv's going these days, I think wait until there's been a few series it's been confirmed as really good and then it's binge watch because there's so many things coming up now and they're just like cancel after season one or season two. Yeah, it's like it doesn't end properly yeah, it's like so annoying, but um, yeah, the Sopranos.
Speaker 1:Um, hopefully it ends all right. Um, I don't know, I wanted season two, but um, yeah, I've got that's what I'm saying 40 or not, you know the wife's watching yellowstone at the minute. Yeah, that's meant to be good, yeah yeah, kevin costner's great looking.
Speaker 2:Still she's watching that. We watched. I watched cobra, kai the the end of that recently have you seen it?
Speaker 1:not the. I've not finished it, yeah, but yeah it's good.
Speaker 2:It's so bad.
Speaker 1:It's good and we've been watching it. I loved Karate Kid when I was a kid. Who doesn't?
Speaker 2:It's incredible. And the Traitors we've been watching the Traitors US.
Speaker 1:I couldn't get into the US one.
Speaker 2:I've got into it actually.
Speaker 1:I don't mind it. I might give it another go, but yeah, the British one I liked.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's harder with Americans. It's a different. It's a different, different mentality, yeah, but yeah, okay. So Sopranos worth a watch. Have you not watched it?
Speaker 1:I know, I know what happens at the end oh, you can't watch it if you know what happens at the end.
Speaker 2:I remember it was massive, though when it happened I don't remember, so stop talking. I don't know okay it was, it was, yeah, it was big news. I don't know was it?
Speaker 1:I don't know yeah.
Speaker 2:And obviously the main guy is no, no, no, no, stop talking, let's start no like in real life. I'm not talking about the show, but like the actor died, didn't he the guy who?
Speaker 1:played Tony Soprano.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he died like I don't know five years ago. Gene Hackman died this week as well. Yes, that was a big one, but he was he's like 95, I think.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but like he's died, his wife's died and the dog's died. That's strange at the same time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they've all been found dead. His wife was 30. He's younger than him he was like 90, his wife's 61 and the dog was found dead in a cupboard so there's something going on there well, they said like the circumstances are worthy of an investigation.
Speaker 2:I'm like I is worthy of an investigation, like I should think so, like if he just passed, if he just passed away from old age or fallen over, had a stroke or something fine, but like his wife's, 30 years younger than him and dog in a cupboard, that's, yeah, vicious yeah just a dog in a cupboard yeah, it is. Yeah, yeah, why is there a dead dog in a cupboard? Yeah, but hopefully it's just like. I mean, what a terrible thing to say. Hopefully it's just something like a carbon monoxide accident or something, rather than something like actually sinister um, hopefully it's just a tragedy rather than a.
Speaker 1:I hope so okay, someone's kind of doolally and done something that shouldn't happen um Someone's gone doolally and done something they shouldn't have Doolally.
Speaker 2:Can we talk to our good friend the know-it-all?
Speaker 1:gnome yeah, oh, he's around. He survived the storm. Yeah, I've heard he's had a couple of beers, though, so he might be a bit. I don't think he's drinking. He's not drinking. He's sober as a judge, is he?
Speaker 2:He doesn't drink doesn't know.
Speaker 1:He's in a little, isn't he?
Speaker 2:he's wise. He knows that alcohol doesn't really make things better, even though we think it does he's wise it's a false economy one, he knows it all yeah, I'll go in, I'll go and find where he is hang on, I'll go and find him, I'll send him in. Right, I'm stepping out, I'll speak to Hello.
Speaker 1:Hello, my voice changed. How's it going, daniel? It's going well. Thank you, I don't know if I'm going well. Where's Mr Archery gone?
Speaker 2:He came and got me and he said he's going to go and make sure that his wife is okay and not admiring Kevin Costner too closely while she watches Yellowstone.
Speaker 1:We've got I don't know where you want to start. I know you've got your own little advice segment that you like to give.
Speaker 2:Yes, I received a letter that I'm going to talk about.
Speaker 1:We've also had some fresh questions come in.
Speaker 2:Okay, let's hear what people want to know. Shall we start with that Please do.
Speaker 1:The first one is should I travel to Northern Ireland in 2025 or 2026?
Speaker 2:There's not much context to go on there, so it's rather hard to answer that question.
Speaker 1:It's a bit of an odd question, isn't it? Bit of an odd question.
Speaker 2:It is, however, I, so it's rather hard to answer. It's a bit of an odd question, isn't it it is. However, I would suggest that if you have a passion for a place and you've decided that you want to visit there, then do it as soon as you possibly can, but without getting yourself into financial trouble someone else has written in.
Speaker 1:I don't quite understand the question, to be honest. Would you rather wear a gnome hat forever with no bell, or gnome shoes with bells on for part of the day every day?
Speaker 2:Well, you see, that's a rather philosophical question. Do you go for a small bit of torture and obstruction versus a long period of discomfort? It's like being between a rock and a hard place and quite frankly I'd rather be neither. But if I had to choose between a hat all day with no bell or shoes with bells for part of the day, I would say shoes with bells for part of the day. I would say shoes with bells for part of the day, because at least then you get to have that sweet sense of freedom which cannot be overlooked.
Speaker 1:You do know it all. And a final one from our listener that's really gone for that. You know it all. So ask the tough questions, please do. What sound does a giraffe make?
Speaker 2:That is an age-old question what sound does a giraffe make? It's one of those philosophical questions along the lines of if a tree falls and no one's there to hear it, does it actually make a?
Speaker 1:sound.
Speaker 2:But when it comes to the humble giraffe, there are many answers.
Speaker 1:Your voice is slow down like you're googling it or something.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean. A lot of the time people think giraffes are silent. But I've seen giraffes, I've heard them move.
Speaker 1:I know they make sounds.
Speaker 2:But giraffes do make sounds. But it's weird. Sometimes a giraffe will make a hum, especially at night, possibly to communicate with other giraffes humming sound it sounds like a deep low frequency vibration, like okay, sometimes giraffes complete bleep, like calves bleep to call their moms similar to a soft, high-pitched mess, and they go meh, meh, meh if you start. Did you know that if you startle or annoy a giraffe? They can let out a short snort like a sneeze, like.
Speaker 2:I did not know okay and adults can even grunt or even moo in deep tone, especially if they are in social interactions. So if you ever hear a giraffe humming to itself at night, don't worry, it's not haunted or being weird, it's just having a chat but there you go.
Speaker 1:the no or name knows it all more than Google. Might be a bit slower than Google, but no knows it all More than Google. Might be a bit slower than Google, but he knows it all. I didn't Google anything, no, I'm just saying that you're better than Google.
Speaker 2:I have a way of clarifying things. Yes, very good, we had a letter, I had a direct email this week.
Speaker 2:I did Welcome to another dose of the undeniable wisdom from your favourite pocket-sized, it's undeniable wisdom from your favourite pocket-sized purveyor of truth, yours truly the know-it-all-know. So this week, mr Williams, I received a letter from a listener called Janet. Janet, she's from Arbroath in Bonny, scotland. She wrote to me and she said Dear Node or Gnome, I'm sick of being cold. It's been a long winter. But to make matters worse, my partner is always warm. When I try and turn up the temperature in our apartment, he flips a lid, he moans when I put the winter duvet on the bed. And I don't know what to do when I need some wisdom. Yours, horroringly, janet.
Speaker 1:Janet should go to the Canary Islands.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she appears to be cold, and this is a very, very interesting letter she sent. So I'm going to reply to Janet and I'm going to say well, Janet, janet, today we shall discuss a battle older than time itself. No, not good versus evil, not even tea versus itself. No, not good versus evil, not even tea versus coffee. No, my dear friends, today we address the temperature war. Janice is not alone, facing the ongoing domestic duel where one half of the couple insists they're absolutely freezing, while the other is apparently boiling alive. I can see Mr Williams nodding. Are you the warm one or the cold one? It varies.
Speaker 1:When I'm warm, she's cold. When she's cold, I'm warm.
Speaker 2:No, so you can relate to the temperature war. Yes, I find that in every relationship there exists the thermostat controller. The person sees themselves as a benevolent ruler, adjusting the temperature with the wisdom of an ancient sage. And then, of course, there is the usurper, the one who waits for their partners to leave the room before immediately changing it back. Which one are you? Well, in my house, it was Mrs Gnome who ruled the thermostat with an iron fist. If I ever tried to nudge it over 20 degrees, she'd hit me on my bottom. So, as you can imagine, I did this as much as humanly possible. Spanking aside, though, what truly is the solution to this eternal struggle? Traditional wisdom, mr Walliams suggests compromise.
Speaker 2:But let's be honest. Compromise in this case usually means one of you is still uncomfortable. So what can be done? Well, I'm going to speak from experience here and tell you about what me and Mrs Nome used to do. We agreed to what was called a snuggle agreement, and this is what I suggest to you, janet. You set up a snuggle agreement with your partner. If you're fed up of being cold and your partner won't let you turn up the thermostat, get them to agree to a legally binding agreement where you, as the colder partner, are allowed, even entitled, to absorb the heat of your beloved. After all, sharing is caring. This agreement can include, but is not limited to, putting your cold hons on their warm back, the cold hons on their warm back, the cold hons, the cold hons, the cold hons On their warm back the cold hons, the cold hons, or maybe put your ice feet
Speaker 2:wedge them under their leg or my personal favourite, which I used to do with Mrs Noam all the time, the 2am full-body leech press. The hot partner may protest, but this is not a request, it's the natural order of things. And if that doesn't work, janet, then you'll be left with the only truly British option Suffer in silence while passively, aggressively adjusting the thermostat window. But I hope this works. The snuggle agreement and you know, spanking this works the snuggle agreement, spanking aside the snuggle agreement did work very well for us. So, dear listeners, I hope this works for you, janet. I'd like to hear how it gets on with your partner. And, dear listeners, until next time, stay wise, stay warm and remember true love is allowing your partner to turn your home into either an igloo or sauna and only occasionally complaining about it.
Speaker 1:Thank you very much. I don't know, that's some wise words there.
Speaker 2:Wise words have you enjoyed a spanking Walliams.
Speaker 1:No, sorry, but that's some really good advice there. Thank you very much, and especially with the giraffe, I didn't know. I did not know what sound a giraffe made, so that was helpful for me. I like the way you tried to catch me out with that question. It wasn't me, I didn't imagine who wrote the letter. Dare I ask? The draft that was from a Tam Bam 5000.
Speaker 2:Oh yes, well, I'm glad to be able to help Tam Bam 5000.
Speaker 1:Bam 5000. Lovely, thank you very much.
Speaker 2:You're very welcome. I will see you next time with more wisdom.
Speaker 1:Until next time to episode 10.
Speaker 2:Goodbye, goodbye, miss.
Speaker 1:Toshka, see you back. I am next time to episode 10. Goodbye, goodbye, miss Lodge. Can I see you back? I am, he's up. I listened, I listened to the door. We need to do something.
Speaker 2:He's he's out of control. He's out of control. He's since his wife died. He's just, he's just become a bit of an.
Speaker 1:You can see he's getting he's getting a bit spicier, isn't it? Yeah, he's getting a bit too uh hot under the collar and uh, yeah. But if, um, if any of our listeners notice a uh alternative, uh, every other episode quality difference, uh, that may be because, uh, the second one in the evening, um, because we record two at the same time. Bad joke, bad joke. Why was the computer tired when they got home from work?
Speaker 2:I don't know why was the computer tired when they got home from work?
Speaker 1:because they had a hard drive.
Speaker 2:So when he got home from work Because they had a hard drive. Oh, so you can see why Leanne's video that she sent in at the start of the episode was funny.
Speaker 1:Yes, that would be Logan in a few years' time, if you told that to Logan, or I told that to Bray there would definitely be a frown.
Speaker 2:Yes, I liked it.
Speaker 1:Anyways, we're getting sleepy and tired.
Speaker 2:We should probably wrap it up. Shumper Wells yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Night-night everybody.
Speaker 2:He's such an idiot. Yeah, meh, meh Meh. Good morning Vietnam. Meh, meh Meh.
