First Look Gnomes
Two Dad's doing Silly Things.
Everyone wants to learn something new, but only some people want to sit down and read a bunch of nonsense - so why not listen to some instead? Chuck in some random facts and a couple of Dad jokes, and you'll be full of (potentially useless) knowledge in no time.
Whether all of it is true is part of the gnomery.
Join Cornishman "Walliams" in the shed at the bottom of his garden in Cornwall and Wulfrunian (a man from Wolverhampton apparently) "Mr Hodgkiss" from Belfast as they take a "first look" at the relatively unknown, learn some stuff and chat about life as Parents.
Dive into the First Look Gnome Universe every month and learn about random things you didn't even know you wanted to learn about! Fill some of your day with something interesting, engaging, and funny.
Welcome to the bottom of the garden.......'But what about the Gnomes?' I hear you cry!
Good things come to gnomes who wait. And ones that rate, review and subscribe :)
First Look Gnomes
Why Dads Need Duct Tape and a Good Torch
Join us as we navigate through both calamity and comedy in this lively episode!
We recount our personal experiences dealing with Storm Eowyn and the cascading chaos it brought to our lives. From roofs torn off to power outages.
In the spirit of every diligent dad, we compile a must-have toolkit featuring everything from the essential torch for night adventures to trusty duct tape for quick fixes. Each item has a story, and we discuss how these tools can help navigate both daily challenges and unexpected emergencies.
We even weave in our classic segment of dad jokes, promising to keep laughter alive, even in dark times. As we share our silly stories, we invite listeners to partake as well! What’s your most outrageous dad moment? What tools do you consider irreplaceable?
Tune in for a memorable mix of insight, humour, and relatable dad experiences. Don’t forget to respond with your own stories or laughs; it isn’t just our journey; it’s all of ours!
Be sure to subscribe, tune in, and let’s keep this dad community thriving!
Join us for a first look at;
- Storm Eowyn
- Lemon Trees
A thirsty first of
And Tips for Dads!
Click here via your Mobile Device to send us a message!
Please Subscribe , leave a 5* Review, Follow, Like and Share this Podcast to show your support for more episodes.
Help grow the show !
Welcome to First Look Gnomes, the podcast where two dads do silly things. The Gnome answers all of your burning questions.
Speaker 2:We discuss our first looks, and don't miss our tips for dads.
Speaker 1:Because who wouldn't have any tips from?
Speaker 2:us Enjoy a good laugh with our collection of bad jokes and dad jokes that will make you groan or maybe even giggle. And don't forget to share your thoughts in the first round of feedback where we read and respond to listener comments, if you simply email in to firstlooknomes at outlookcom are we uploading?
Speaker 1:we're uploading.
Speaker 2:Ok, 99% uploaded nice yeah, I've got good internet. Oh, I'm gone. Do any wee we're uploading. Okay, 99% uploaded. Nice, yeah, I've got good internet. Oh, hang on, I've got some. Do you need?
Speaker 1:a wee, I'm alright. Do you need a wee? I can't hold it. No, it's fine. Do you need a wee?
Speaker 2:get a wee no, the pressure it's fine, I'll be good. I'll be good for the first 15 minutes until we get to tips for dads, and then we'll see big fine, be fine your hosts for episode seven, volumes and mr hodge kids.
Speaker 1:Oh, seven is a place on earth. They say a seven, love comes first. We'll make seven a place on earth. They say a seven, love comes first. We'll make seven a place on earth. Oh, episode seven is a place on earth. Oh, episode seven is a place on earth. Yay, voice of an angel.
Speaker 2:I particularly liked the the commitment you gave to that, walliams, so I can see Walliams singing this and the uncomfortableness if that's even a word when he does the intro it's the instant regret as the record starts and I'm like what am I doing with my life? We're making it. We're trying to make people laugh as the record starts. What am I doing with my life? We're trying to make people laugh and enjoy life in these dark and crazy times that we live in.
Speaker 1:Welcome to episode 7, everybody, welcome to episode 7. How are you, mr Hodgkiss? I am okay, you obviously had a bit of a gap. You've been away.
Speaker 2:We did. We had a lovely time. We've had a nice gap. We have had a bit of a break, a refresh. We are all good this end of the pond.
Speaker 1:Mr Williams, how are you? I won't ask you too many questions because I imagine it might be a little first look maybe.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, the whole point of this podcast is to have a first look at things that are happening in the world, things that we may have seen, things that we may have enjoyed.
Speaker 1:So yes, in our break.
Speaker 2:Don't ask me too many questions because I may not talk about things that have happened since we last got together drank beer and recorded Well the last time you didn't drink beer was episode six.
Speaker 1:Yes, episode six.
Speaker 2:Was that a sober episode? Was it?
Speaker 1:You weren't feeling very well, so you had a. You're on the zeros.
Speaker 2:Oh yes.
Speaker 1:I got probably a bit too drunk. Listen back to episode six. But the next day you text me saying you've got norovirus.
Speaker 2:I had been norovirus, so you've actually been recording with norovirus. I remember actually. Yeah, I told you I felt like crap, but you struggled for it, and then all the crap left me Over the course of the next three days. Yeah, that wasn't a fun one.
Speaker 1:I forgot about that. I'm going to do something sacrilegious now, because it's time for the thirsty first fridge. But I haven't got a clean glass. I'm going to pour it into a slightly Guinnessed pint glass.
Speaker 2:You go ahead. Is it a Guinness that you're pouring into it, or is it something else? No, it's a thirsty. First, let's give it a go, shall we Th? Or?
Speaker 1:is it something?
Speaker 2:else. No, it's the Thirsty First. Let's give it a go, shall we? Thirsty First? What have we got Wild? What's in the fridge today?
Speaker 1:Let's open the Thirsty First fridge, the hot foundry, sustainably brewed with surplus Aldi Tiger Bread Toast brewing. This one's cool, i's what it's called. I think I've had this Another round, brewed in partnership with Toast Brewing, alcohol percentage at 3.4%. So the wife of my wife has been listening to these podcasts and has obviously doesn't approve my 8% plus drinking.
Speaker 2:You do not need to be drinking 8%.
Speaker 1:I mean in theory it's brewed with surplus Aldi Tiger Bread. I like Tiger Bread, I like beer. They're crafted by toast brewing with Aldi surplus bakery bread. English Harlequin Ernest Hopps give a citrusy burst with notes of peach and passion fruit. So that's where you're going wrong. There are you adding a bit of peach with bread yeah, you don't want peach bread do you, would you add?
Speaker 2:peach in your toast. No peanut butter maybe, but not peach.
Speaker 1:So when it says surplus, it means leftover. Yeah, it's a stale bread. Yeah, leftover stale bread, but it sounds better than surplus and peaches. And peaches, let's give it a go shall we?
Speaker 2:Let's give it a go, Wiles.
Speaker 1:I mean, I like tiger bread. Who doesn't so?
Speaker 2:3.4% as well is like the perfect kind of alcohol level for me. Let's pour it into the we were talking earlier about the joys of things like John Smith's, because you can have like three or four and not get two Woo, whereas when you drink 8% beers, two cans and you do lally. Well, I am, my name is not so much. He's tapping the bottom, ladies and gentlemen. He's tapping the bottom I mean.
Speaker 1:This content for the listeners is it's gold, it's absolute gold, it's alright.
Speaker 2:It's a very light bit. I've noticed that Valiums, out of all the pictures that could have been cut, you've never wanted to give up the Percy first. You're like should we give up Percy? No, that could have been cut.
Speaker 1:you've never wanted to give up the person first. You know, like, should we give him first? Nope, yeah, I'm pretty sure we had feedback at some point saying drop it. But we begin it's like the same as no or no.
Speaker 2:But yeah, he's still standing as well the no or no, though apparently, according to some of the feedback, he's been growing in reputation, so he's been growing.
Speaker 1:He's now. He's now two foot. Hey, smells nice, smells peachy.
Speaker 2:Excuse me, a minute, isn't it? Can you smell the bread?
Speaker 1:No, just peaches.
Speaker 2:Does it smell like toast? He's not sure.
Speaker 1:Nice, but not what I expected.
Speaker 2:In what way?
Speaker 1:I expected more toast than peach. Is expected more toast than peach is it more peach than toast? Yeah, it's alright. I suppose it's hard to come.
Speaker 2:It's alright, it's hard to really kind of put the flavour of toast in a drink. I would imagine. Well, think, think about it as well. Toast do you eat toast with? With what's? Why is toast so good? Is it because of your taste buds or is it because of your sense of smell? It's like toast always. You smell toast, don't you? That's deep as much as you taste toast so like. If the beer doesn't taste like toast or smell like toast, it smells like peaches. You're not going to get the taste of peaches.
Speaker 1:Are you basically saying your wife is?
Speaker 2:That is a deep question. Philosophical gnomes. Sorry, he doesn't look very happy though, so I'm guessing he's going to blame his wife.
Speaker 1:Are you saying I'm going to try not to smell it?
Speaker 2:Try not to smell it, to taste it. Okay, he's holding his nose.
Speaker 1:ladies and gentlemen, Tastes better, actually Tastes better. Okay, when you can't smell it, it tastes better.
Speaker 2:So are you saying you're ungrateful in your wife, that your wife bought you a beer? Is that what you're saying? No, I love my wife and it's a nice beer.
Speaker 1:I was just hoping for a bit more toast.
Speaker 2:I can't believe you've been talking to me, to your wife, that she's gone and bought you a beer.
Speaker 1:I think the surplus Tiger Bread is just the sustainable brewing element. Yeah, doesn't really add to the flavour. It's the peaches, that's the flavour.
Speaker 2:Is it a gimmick, William? Do you think it's just a gimmick Perhaps?
Speaker 1:But also sustainable brewing, which we should all do. Well, once we get some investments from sponsors, please write in to firstsuitnamesatoutlookcom. We will. We will not try a little brewery firstlooknamesbrewery.
Speaker 2:Well, we could. But I mean, I just want to say why would we need to do our own brewery and how could we ever compete with the wonderful brewery that is the Whitewater Brewing Co, who make such fine beers as the Belfast Lager and Magga's Leap Vermittable IPA? I mean, there's no point signing for Brewing Wells because they've already perfected it, just saying the Whitewater Brewing Co.
Speaker 1:A little first look. So this is a bit of a flashback to Season 1, I believe it was.
Speaker 2:Season 1? I can't remember what happened yesterday, never mind season one.
Speaker 1:You might remember it where I spoke about algorithms on Facebook and how it tends to put adverts and things in front of you based on what it thinks your interests are.
Speaker 2:I don't remember this, but I'm interested to see where it goes you do, you do and it came up up.
Speaker 1:If you remember, it came up with the empire strips back because of wookiee erotica? Yeah, well, because you like to look at that came up when you went on the website.
Speaker 2:You're on the website and there's wookiee erotica and all sorts of stuff I beg your pardon yeah, it didn't come up because of Wookiee Erotica I thought you'd just been looking at sexy blue ladies or something.
Speaker 1:That's a good one, isn't it?
Speaker 2:Sexy blue ladies with three heads and long limbs.
Speaker 1:But this week, this week Mr Hotchkiss came up the Empire Strips Back London came up the Empire Strips Back London. It's coming over from Las Vegas to London. I've put us on the waiting list. If we get tickets, we're going.
Speaker 2:Get your lightsabers ready.
Speaker 1:Get your lightsaber ready. We're going to see Stormtroopers.
Speaker 2:Sexy Stormtroopers and Blue Ladies.
Speaker 1:Jabba the. Slut, can't ban Very good.
Speaker 2:That'll be interesting, then I mean there must have some. You hear about OnlyFans, don don't you? And all these weird people like loads of like was it, kate nash?
Speaker 1:I mean, you made a fortune from your feet, haven't you?
Speaker 2:I haven't. Well, it's because of my seven toes. Yeah, um, people just like that. Yeah, no, let's not go there. The uh kate nash, though. Like the singer she said, to fund her tour, she was effectively posting pictures of her arse on OnlyFans, and Lily Allen is making a fortune from selling pictures of her feet and stuff.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 2:And you think, okay, there's clearly some weird people out there who are willing to pay for some weird fetish stuff. The fact that Star Wars or Star Wars, what's it called Star Wars, the Empire Strips. Back the Empire Strips, back the Empire.
Speaker 2:That's a great name, the Empire Strips back has clearly got enough fandom that it can come to London from Las Vegas and actually like take this on tour blows my little mind. I mean, as my good wife would say, it's just another fabric out of a thread, out of the fabric of society. All I can say is hello.
Speaker 1:But yeah, well, I look forward to going there with you, alce lovely, I'll update you no more to go in there with you, else lovely I'll update you and I know more.
Speaker 2:Um okay, so mine, mine's a fairly well kind of serious in many ways, one that like gosh we shouldn't make light of, but at the same time, like holy moly, um. So my first look, walliams, um. For listeners, for long-term listeners you'll know that I am based in Belfast, in Northern Ireland. For anyone who didn't or has never listened to this before, we apologise, and I am from Northern.
Speaker 1:Ireland and to those that won't listen to us again.
Speaker 2:They may never. But since our last recording, walliams, we got battered, and I mean battered, by Storm owen.
Speaker 1:oh, storm owen was it storm.
Speaker 2:Yeah, owen spelt e-o-w-y-n um. Yeah, we got battered by storm owen so uh, we've had storms before.
Speaker 2:We faced storms, but not like this. We knew this was bad when or we were in for it when they they cancelled school and all the shops were like we will not be open, we are putting up boards and closing shops and everything. So we're like, okay, cool, okay, this is gonna be bad. So then we we got told on the we knew was coming on a th night. We're like, okay, here comes the storm. We got told our kids school was closing and we got told all the local shops were closing and to make sure you've got enough things in.
Speaker 2:So on Thursday night I went to make sure we had some coal for the fire in case we lost power, batteries for the torches, all that kind of stuff. Um, yeah, we go to bed. It's all nice and calm. Five o'clock in the morning we are woken up with the sound of crashing and glass smashing. Oh gosh. And because we are in a corner, all you could hear around the house was, and it was like what the hell was that? It was the wind whipping around the building. I hate wind.
Speaker 1:I have wind, anxiety it was the wind whipping around the building. I hate, I hate, wind it was anxiety, oh, you would have you would have pooped your pants.
Speaker 2:Um so brayden wakes up. We wake up and we look out the window and it's pitch black, but you can. There's just enough light from one of the street lamps where you can see the trees. Do you remember? Do you know like in america they have those car garages with those kind of inflatable people that fly around? The trees were moving like that I'm like what the heck is that?
Speaker 2:and they were going from side to side. I'm like, what's that crashing noise? So I I decided to get up. I thought, right, I need to go and investigate what's broken, what's been smashed, but the wind, the storm's still going on. I was, I was in my pants, luckily, um, but I went out, I put on my um, my pajamas and I went outside. I opened the door to go outside and it was. It was like the apocalypse. You're like, okay, I'm in the house, it's nice and quiet. You open the door. It was like in the movies and I tried to walk outside. It was one of those things like if the music of John Williams from the end of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom had been playing as I tried so valiantly to just walk out of my front door, it would have been brilliant anyway. So I go outside and everything, everything's going. I'm like, ah, that's what's making the noise.
Speaker 2:We've our shed roof has blown up oh no so our shed roof was made of corrugated steel sheets.
Speaker 1:Was it your shed or yeah?
Speaker 2:like yeah, that side yeah, the office like the the garden pod thing. So it's not even like just a kind of a 500-inch it's like a proper purpose-built garden pod yeah, four 3.5-metre-long corrugated sheets had been ripped off. I'm telling you, the screws are about the screws that were holding it down. It's crazy, the power isn't, it were down crazy, the power like three, insane power, like three inches deep and thick as well, like all, like you know, 10 mil three inch screws just ripped off.
Speaker 2:So these corrugated steel sheets, which are massive and heavy and I've got screw sticking out of them are blown around in my pajamas on my and my vest trying to wrestle these sheets, but they're still half kind of attached.
Speaker 1:They're still left in there, aren't they?
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, I thought, but my concern was they're going to blow into the road and then they're going to cause some real damage, so I was like right. I need to somehow get these out of the way and out of danger Now. So the thing is at the side of our house, the shed and the sheet, but the wind's still going. So then the roof styles start falling off the top of the house, the actual roof, oh no.
Speaker 2:Just where I'm stood. So you've got this concrete stuff on the floor. I'm like, yeah, this isn't safe. No, what are we going to do? So I did. I was like right, kind of put them just down the side, wedged them so they can't really blow anywhere. Get back in the house. Got back in the house. So then all you could hear was like this outside the house, and you're like, oh hey. And they're like, and all that, and you're like, oh okay. So we stood in the house, we waited there for a few hours. It gets to like 8 o'clock. My wife's a nurse.
Speaker 2:She's like I've got to try and get into the hospital today, because people still need treatment for things and whatever.
Speaker 1:More so probably, with the storm going on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, more so. So I'm like, okay, what are we going to do here? So all the shops are shut. So I'm like, okay, we have no roof, it's raining. I'm like, what are we going to do? Because I need to try and save now the pot. So I was like, okay. So luckily, thank the good Lord in heaven, screwfix decided to open. At half past two in the afternoon Lesley got to work, okay. So I was like I said, right, keep me in the loop when you get to work. Et. I was like I said, right, keep me in the loop when you get to work, etc. Etc.
Speaker 2:Only only about um a third of the staff were able to get in yeah thankfully she got word this week that the hospitals are paying the staff who couldn't make it in anyway for the day off, so they're not kind of persecuting them for the fact that they couldn't get into work. So I was like, good on you, nhs, that's a good move, um, and she got in okay, and she got home okay, um. So I was meant to be working that day. Obviously had to tell all my american compatriots, sorry. I took some videos, which I think I did.
Speaker 2:I send you a video of this um and some of the damage and I mean we were quite lucky really. So we we lost some roof tiles, we lost some concrete, we lost the roof. But like some of that, some of the property damage was mind-blowing. There were like trees that fallen, like through houses and all sorts going on. So it was a proper, proper mess.
Speaker 2:But by about three o'clock in the afternoon it really settled down and screw fix god bless you people of screw fix um opened up, uh, half past two. So if anybody needed stuff to kind of do any repairs they could. So we were able then to go and get some tarpaulin and the things we needed and able to kind of put a temporary roof on over the shed. Now, by this point, a lot of water got in and through, so, like, okay, but it was only water damage, nothing too serious, so we were quite lucky. But, um, lesion got to work, brain had his day off school, so he was happy, um, and yeah, basically it was just and I've never experienced a storm like it. So, yes, I first look at one of these like it was a record-breaking store in storm. There's like a quarter of a million people lost power, so we were really lucky.
Speaker 2:So our whole, our whole village lost power, apart from our little part of our street so the whole of the whole of where we live was completely knocked out, but our little quadrant just at the edge of the village kept power on, so it was like, oh, that's lucky, um, and the rest of the rest of the power to places out for like three days. So we were lucky there. But, yeah, I've never experienced anything like it all my days. My mom and dad's house got damaged. My father was house got damaged. So, yeah, storms, tips for dad's, tips for dads.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, tips for dads tips for dads, get your tips out for um, right? Well, tips for dads. This week I thought, after dealing with a storm, um, and having to be all madly and get up on a roof and put some tarp down and got to buy some new stuff, yeah, so, honest to goodness, like no joke aside, lesley-anne got home from work. It got darker like quarter to four and we should go home, so it was a two-person job.
Speaker 2:Because this thing's like it's 14 foot wide by like 10 foot and I was like it was still windy enough, so like you're trying to get a tarpaulin sheet over the top of it and all it does is blow back in your face. So I was like this is a two-person job and we had to do all these things, but I thought, because of this, we were very lucky that we had the right tool. So my tips for dads I decided to compile a list of five tools that you need in your shed as a dad, and I've kind of got a number one. So I'm going to go 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Speaker 2:And I gave a bit of explanation as to why, as a dad, you need this. So in number five, william.
Speaker 1:That's what Countdown is.
Speaker 2:Da-da-da-da-da.
Speaker 1:Da-da-da-da-da.
Speaker 2:In number five, a really good torch, da-da-da-da-da. A really good torch.
Speaker 1:I wish you knew where your torch is as well.
Speaker 2:Well, absolutely, I decided to invest in a good torch, one of these ones that comes in a box, um, and we've loved using it because, like it's insanely powerful, so we I can be in the kitchen or kind of just inside and I can look right at the end of the garden with, like it's insanely powerful spot. It's one of these ones where it's so powerful you hold it up and it looks like a lightsaber, but it's a lightsaber that goes to the moon Do you pretend it's a lightsaber.
Speaker 2:We have. You've both pretended that we've had the lightsaber, but it's essential for fixing crap in the dark, and I've also found another good use for it, so when your kid wants you to look under the bed you just blind them.
Speaker 1:What's?
Speaker 2:your rule. Just blind your kid as you look under the bed with the torch.
Speaker 1:It's quite funny. Blind your kid In number four. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do do do do, do, do.
Speaker 2:Tarp or tarpaulin, because you never know when your fucking shed roof is going to blow off.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:So good piece of tarp. Number three, do, do do, do, do do do Number three, a crowbar, because no matter how sh**ty DIY a crowbar makes you look like a badass If you're a man, even if you're useless with tools, when you have a crowbar in your arms you look cool. There's no way. There's no way your wife can't be like oh, take me now when you've got a crowbar in your hands.
Speaker 1:So yeah, crowbar for nothing else than looking cool I really thought about it.
Speaker 2:Well, this, this one I need to make.
Speaker 1:I need to make a torch more powerful, I think, but apart from that, I've got these items. Get a good torch.
Speaker 2:I can give you some tips on that this one because of our arrangement, a good fold up camping chair, because as a dad, I haven't got one of those oh, trust me right, with Logie Bear, you're going to be going out all the time, all the time to places. And occasionally you just need to whip out the camping chair, because it's just who doesn't like to sit down.
Speaker 2:Sitting on the floor is rubbish, so a good folding camping chair one that's really good and sturdy and quite comfortable to sit in, especially one that's got cup holders and stuff Good camping chair. So that's number two.
Speaker 2:But number one Williams doo doo, doo doo do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Really good, proper, badass duct tape, the good stuff, like the gorilla duct tape, so like, and I'll tell you for why Because there's nothing it can't do, because we couldn't get the tarpaulin. We only had one ladder so we weren't tall enough to get up there and get the tarpaulin over the shed. So we're like you know what we need to do? We need to kind of attach something and throw like a lasso over, like a rope, and throw it over and put it over. But we didn't have a rope. We had a rock, we had a hole in the top. We had to make a rope out. I was like, what can we use? Like, let's just use the duct tape, made a rope out of duct tape, lassoed this, this rock, over the hatch, threw it over to leslie and she called it. She pulled the rope. It was attached to the rope.
Speaker 1:She pulled it. We pulled the duct tape.
Speaker 2:We got the tarpaulin over the roof and it was all thanks to the duct tape. So it was um, I was like, and then what else? We held it. We used then duct tape to kind of temporarily hold corners down while we added staples and drilled bits in, and I was like duct tape and like really good, proper, good duct tape. I was like, yeah, can't go wrong with it. You know, if your kid's toy's broken duct tape, something broken, a bit of plastic broken on a washing machine, duct tape, it's just good stuff. So those are my tips for dads Five things you need. I mean, I know there's better tools out there, but just make sure you've got those five and you can probably achieve anything. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Bye, then I've got a little tip. Oh, you've got a little tip as well. Yeah, I was trying to think of a little tip, a little tip. Oh, you've got a little tip as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was trying to think of a little tip.
Speaker 1:A little tip, just the With toddlers. This is more for toddlers, especially two-year-olds as we have Don't say goodbye, don't say goodbye to them. So when you've got, a good friend of ours was around babysitting. We were going out for the evening. Oh, don't say goodbye to them, don't say goodbye, they won't know you're gone. What you should do is just go, just go, just go. If you say goodbye, they're like well, I'm a character, I'm not. I said goodbye, they're going to find it, bye-bye, they're waving away. But then, when the mum said goodbye as well, you can see the cog sticking. It's like hang on.
Speaker 2:The person who looks after me is going. What's going to happen to me?
Speaker 1:You're both going I'm not and then tears and screaming. And then you leave the house with a screaming child in the background oh no, which is quite difficult, but to leave the house with a screaming child in the background, which is quite difficult. But yeah, if you don't wave goodbye and just go when they're having fun doing what they're doing, they won't mind.
Speaker 2:They don't know the change of circumstance.
Speaker 1:So don't say goodbye. Don't say goodbye.
Speaker 2:That's a really good tip actually Thank you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a very sensible tip, I mean unless you're going away for two weeks or leaving them for good. Maybe say goodbye, yeah. So I went to the, I walked to the shop office and, you know, started my day. I opened the door, looked to the right and it was the size. It was the size of a bird. It was the size of a bird, it was the size of a bird and it had eight legs and in the corner this massive, massive spider. All right, huge, huge.
Speaker 2:What did I do, Mr Hotchkiss? Um, I'm hoping you did what most sensible people would do, which is get a glass.
Speaker 1:You're funny.
Speaker 2:Get a glass cover it, get some paper underneath and chuck it in the garden.
Speaker 1:That is one scenario. I did not do that.
Speaker 2:Are you scared of spiders?
Speaker 1:Try scenario B.
Speaker 2:Oh, I need to know, though Are you scared of them? You not scared? Are you scared of spiders? Try snow b. Oh I need to know, though, are you? Are you because, like? Are you scared of them or not scared of them?
Speaker 1:oh no, I mean this though. So this one was big, so you couldn't do much of it. You couldn't really kill it without making a mess. Bones literally had bones. It was that big, okay, so what?
Speaker 2:did you, are you probably, and you could leave it, it wouldn't fit in.
Speaker 1:It wouldn't fit in a glass not a pint glass. Oh, just, maybe just in a pint glass.
Speaker 2:Yeah just okay. So if that's, did you squeal, did you go? No?
Speaker 1:no, no, no. So there was a couple days where I just lived with it in the office.
Speaker 2:Yeah, did you get one of them? Like, really, you know those things, you can get the spider grabbers, that kind of trap it Like you can get like the like um.
Speaker 1:Again. Quite a sensible idea, no, no.
Speaker 2:Did you try and flick it with a towel or something stupid Try?
Speaker 1:try to try to enter my brain okay, your brain would be all right.
Speaker 2:I like oh, you need a pasty. There's a spider here, or kelly brook post, kelly brook calendar, spider pasty spat. You did, you did you get your kelly brook calendar and try and flick it off the wall whilst eating a pasty and singing a song by the Wurzels?
Speaker 1:No, that's still quite a sensible answer.
Speaker 2:Compared to what you did. Oh, okay, I'm interested.
Speaker 1:I'll give you a clue I'm an Amazon panic buyer.
Speaker 2:Okay, did you get a fish tank for it? Something stupid Not far off.
Speaker 1:Go on then.
Speaker 2:Keep the suspense. What did you do? I bought a lemon tree A lemon tree To try and deter it. Did you Google what the spider's not like and you're like oh, they don't like the scent of lemon, I'll get a lemon tree. You numbskull, so now.
Speaker 1:I'm a proud owner of a lemon tree. I've never had a lemon tree before, so I've got a little lemon tree in the office called Snicket Lemony Snicket.
Speaker 2:Will it survive in the office? No, probably not.
Speaker 1:No, this is meant to have lots of sunlight.
Speaker 2:Because they're not native to Cornwall, but it's still surviving at the moment and what happened to the spider you need to get lots of water, lots of sunlight.
Speaker 1:The spider's gone somewhere, so maybe it worked actually maybe it worked.
Speaker 2:Unbelievable science science works.
Speaker 1:Tips for dads get a lemon tree for big spiders brilliant. So now I'm a for dads get a lemon tree for big spiders brilliant. Yes, and I'm a proud owner of a lemon tree very good.
Speaker 2:And was it a lemon tree with fruit already on it?
Speaker 1:yeah, it was actually yeah, so we've very good the wife of the wife has already had a few gin and tonics of the fresh lemons nice and so, yeah, so I'm looking forward to actually looking at it now. I think there might be something getting ready to sprout the right word ready to yeah into a little lemon. What's a baby lemon called a little? A limon a limon, a little lim lemon.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I'll keep it updated if you like make sure it gets that sunlight, though wows like heat, heat in the sunlight like yeah, so I can keep the shop.
Speaker 1:It's fairly warm. It's about a window, but the blinds usually closed. Um but um, yeah, I might let it out in the spring now spring has sprung might take it aside for a bit. We start getting the sunshine. It's too cold at the moment, but yeah, my first look at a lemon tree.
Speaker 2:That's lovely. What a nice thing to get. My wife bought me a rowan tree for Christmas.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, what's one of those.
Speaker 2:So it's a tree. When it grows it gets red berries and we've got because we've got a bit of we now have like a front garden and a back garden- and anyone who I may have said this on the podcast before. I am into my garden and I want to grow some trees and stuff. So he's bought me a rowan tree only a little baby one. It should grow over the next 10 years.
Speaker 1:It should, god willing if you know it really nicely and nurture it well.
Speaker 2:So that was fun. I got to. I got to pop that out in early this year and we I'll tell you something else while you're like this one. I forgot this, I went to uh I bought some um, just on the subject of growing and things, I bought some onion sets. I don't know if you know what onion sets are.
Speaker 1:They're onions like seeds, right, so you can grow onions from seeds.
Speaker 2:So I have grown onions from seeds.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah.
Speaker 2:A fantastically easy thing to grow, wonderful thing to grow. You get such good value out of growing onion seeds, Onion sets. They've already grown, so they come about a centimeter and it's basically a one centimeter baby onion.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And you just set them into compost and let them go. So you plant them now and by November Cute little baby onions. Cute little baby onions. So you get 150 for like a quid. That's 150 onions for one pound, so it's like less than a penny.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Obviously, you won't be able to harvest them until probably about November. Yeah, but you know it's good. So I bought some the other day and they were from Lidl. I was like that's fantastic, I'll get those. I took them to the counter and god bless the woman on the couch. She's like I've never seen onions that small. What are you going to do with them? How do you cook them? And I was like. I was like they were there. I said oh no, you don't think these onion sets, you grow them on it was very funny.
Speaker 1:I suppose you wouldn't know. I suppose you wouldn't know unless you went to it.
Speaker 2:You wouldn't know, would you? Yeah, it was funny because she was like oh, oh.
Speaker 1:Imagine you having little baby onions.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you could see the complex Frying little baby onions. Yeah, do you eat these with the skin on they? Yeah, do you eat these with the skin on? Like they're so small you surely can't peel these. I'm like, no, no, you don't peel them. But it was very funny. It made me giggle. So yeah.
Speaker 1:Lemon trees, rowan trees, onions. A lot of listeners are now worried how cultured we are.
Speaker 2:Are we too cultured? Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 1:Well, maybe we dabble in culture, don't we Williams?
Speaker 2:we'll just end on Dad Joke of the Month, shall we? Dad Joke of the Month, hit me, walliams, hit me hit you.
Speaker 1:So I've had a little career change, mr Hitchkiss. I'm now dedicating my whole life to finding a cure for insomnia. I won't sleep until I find it.
Speaker 2:Until next time, listeners, we'll see you on episode 8 bye, everybody bye everybody what we're going to do, because I need to try and save now the pot um. All I can say is
