First Look Gnomes
Two Dad's doing Silly Things.
Everyone wants to learn something new, but only some people want to sit down and read a bunch of nonsense - so why not listen to some instead? Chuck in some random facts and a couple of Dad jokes, and you'll be full of (potentially useless) knowledge in no time.
Whether all of it is true is part of the gnomery.
Join Cornishman "Walliams" in the shed at the bottom of his garden in Cornwall and Wulfrunian (a man from Wolverhampton apparently) "Mr Hodgkiss" from Belfast as they take a "first look" at the relatively unknown, learn some stuff and chat about life as Parents.
Dive into the First Look Gnome Universe every month and learn about random things you didn't even know you wanted to learn about! Fill some of your day with something interesting, engaging, and funny.
Welcome to the bottom of the garden.......'But what about the Gnomes?' I hear you cry!
Good things come to gnomes who wait. And ones that rate, review and subscribe :)
First Look Gnomes
Smart Gnome Marriage Advice and Gnome Improvements
Have you ever found yourself tangled in the chaos of homeownership, only to realise your biggest adversary is a mouse and not the mortgage? Join us as we share tales of our own home renovation mishaps, giving a cheeky nod to icons like Austin Powers while reminiscing about the unpredictability of old houses. From mysterious creaks to surprise critters, the journey of maintaining a home is anything but dull. We promise not just laughs but a reminder that these quirks are universally shared, from California to Iraq.
Imagine the shock of discovering that not all home improvements are budget-friendly, especially when a simple front door turns into a costly saga. Our episode takes a turn into the realm of DIY maintenance, where every homeowner becomes a jack-of-all-trades, trading landlord calls for toolboxes. Amidst these adventures, we sprinkle in exciting updates on a new Wallace and Gromit film and muse over how big studios might find the quirkiest inspirations in unexpected places. Listeners are invited to share their own tales and tips, as we celebrate our favourite cultural throwbacks together.
As we shift gears, our quirky guest, the Gno-It-All Gnome, graces us with marriage wisdom, humorously addressing a listener's romantic dilemma with his signature flair. The episode wouldn't be complete without some dad joke banter, featuring a fictional robot lawnmower incident that leaves us all in stitches. Wrap up with us on this fun-filled journey, and be sure to stick around for more laughter and the charming unpredictability of life in our next episode.
Join us at the bottom of the garden for a first look at;
- New House / Old House Dadmin
- Wallace and Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl - everything you need to know about the new film coming this Christmas
The usual Fishpond of feedback (please write in to firstlookgnomes@outlook.com)
& The Gno-It-All Gnome with his new segment of Marriage Advice
& the new segment of Badddd Jokes
Click here via your Mobile Device to send us a message!
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Help grow the show !
just the episode, two of us. We can make a good episode if we try just the two of us, if we try just the two of us building episodes bottom of the garden in the sky just episode two of us, you and I, you and I. Bravo, yeah, welcome back episode two first, let go two weeks.
Speaker 2:It's been nostalgic what are two weeks it's been. You know you're singing that song. It's it straight away. Took me back to Austin Powers and Mini-Me. Do you remember that? I don't know if.
Speaker 1:I take that as a compliment or Well, just the song.
Speaker 2:The song. It takes me back to Austin Powers. Then I think of Will Smith, pre-slappy days, will Smith, when Will Smith could do no wrong. Yeah, good intro, Wiles, good intro, thank you, I don't know where you get them all. I don't know how you come up with them all.
Speaker 1:I really don't. I've not seen Austin Powers in a long time.
Speaker 2:No, probably due a comeback. It'd probably be cancelled these days. Let's be honest. Do you know what I haven't seen in a long time?
Speaker 1:What haven't you seen in a?
Speaker 2:long time your tackle?
Speaker 1:I've not seen your tackle in a very long time. I've not seen your tackle in a very long time, neither have I. Do you want to get your rod out? We've not been there for a while. Shall we go to the Fishpond of feedback?
Speaker 2:Fishpond of feedback. Feedback, I don't think tackle at Wells.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we'll get a new theme tune for that Um season four. Uh, I, I did have a. I did have some prepared notes, but I I lost them. Um tips with ads, just to go back an episode don't use notebook, use something else that auto-saves. Literally every single platform or software auto-saves these days, apart from notepad.
Speaker 2:Notepad on Windows computers but don't use notepad. I mean also tips for dads, unless you don't want stuff auto-saved.
Speaker 1:You know, if you want, I don't know Notepad maybe is the last of the privacy programs you could also just remember to save your work, williams.
Speaker 2:I mean you know yeah, all that I mean amateurs. We are not. We are meant to be professionals.
Speaker 1:But what I do know is we do have listeners still listening. That's what listeners do, I hope so. We've got new listeners in roseville, california, waybridge in england hey, we know, that is uh, dohawk in dohawk. I don't know where dohawk is, d-u-h-o-k do hawk?
Speaker 2:no, I'm not sure on that one bay city, michigan michigan. Oh, do you know? Do hawk. It's a city in iraq, is it?
Speaker 1:yeah, okay, wow okay, don't say hello, hello, do hawk helloawk. Well, you just did, honestly.
Speaker 2:Well, that's true. Yeah, iraq, We've got people who've been to a summer rack.
Speaker 1:That's crazy why not, we're international Well that's true. Bakersfield, California.
Speaker 2:Hi California.
Speaker 1:And Hamilton, ontario. Oh well, that might be someone we know as well. And the theme for the last three seasons was have we got any listeners in Africa? And we did the last episode. We got a listener in Cairo, in Egypt, and, as per last episode, we are looking for our first listeners from space, ideally the moon, ideally Uranus.
Speaker 2:Or further afield.
Speaker 1:Or further afield, Drumroll please. We've not had any listeners from.
Speaker 2:Not yet.
Speaker 1:From space. So yeah, but please, like we said, please write in to firstsignamesoutlookcom if you're listening from space.
Speaker 2:And put the subject of your email as nanu nanu.
Speaker 1:Nanu, nanu. Was that all one word or any space?
Speaker 2:Oh, you don't get the reference, do you, Wiles?
Speaker 1:No, I was making a joke.
Speaker 2:Oh sorry, what did you say?
Speaker 1:Is it all one word or?
Speaker 2:Space. Oh dear, I get it. Sorry, williams, I was thinking about Orca Mindesh.
Speaker 1:What a show that was. What a show that was.
Speaker 2:God rest his soul. You'd have fitted in right in with Robin Williams. You and him are like comedy. Basically, you're one and the same Comedy geniuses.
Speaker 1:Your comedy's so good.
Speaker 2:It goes over some people.
Speaker 1:Anyways.
Speaker 2:First look, there was no feedback.
Speaker 1:No, emails or anything?
Speaker 2:no, nothing so you can't even blame that on the notepad loss.
Speaker 1:That's just nobody's written in no, nobody's written in at all. Unbelievable.
Speaker 2:So yeah, please, please, write in whether in Iraq or in space, write into us and say hello, we will read out your emails or your messages.
Speaker 1:We will, as long as I don't save it tonight so first look some williams.
Speaker 2:Did you want to go first? Yeah, I can jump straight in williams. So this week I have been getting frustrated and I'm gonna rant about it on this podcast, because why not, uh, first look? As listeners may know, we have recently moved home, recently had mice, and this week I have been getting it or getting frustrated with the amount of dadmin, dadministration work that comes with a new house. Well, I say a new house as well. It's not actually a new house, it's an old house.
Speaker 2:So this is a first look at an old house with mice. So this is a dadministration first look at old houses, purchasing old houses and some of the crap you gotta deal with, and I thought I'd share some pain because I'm sure some people out there like you yep, yep well, we've lost our listeners already. Well, Walliams, these are just some of the things that you have to kind of consider. List them out. It's a minefield, Walliams Insulation.
Speaker 1:What's the right type of insulation Walliams?
Speaker 2:What's the right level of thickness? I don't bloody know. I'm trying to figure this out. People keep telling me numbers. I'm like well, is it 100 mil? Is it 270 million? Can you use foam insulation? You can't use foam insulation, because then you won't be able to get a mortgage and all this kind of ah dad what's going on? Well, you know what we've had to start looking at now getting a wall tanked getting a wall tanked.
Speaker 2:Do you know what getting a wall tanked means? No, no, neither do I something to do with drainage. Tanked, tanked, yes when someone mentions tanks. I think of tanks like blow it up yeah, blow a hole in the wall, yeah so no, we've got to have someone coming out to look at getting the wall tanked. Do you know about gassing windows, williams gassing?
Speaker 1:windows, gassing windows, gassing windows.
Speaker 2:They haven't got gas double glazed windows, apparently the gas can go okay yes, you have to get them gassed and sealed apparently yeah and do you know Walliams front doors?
Speaker 1:you know what we should be doing. We've got a bit of drafts, so maybe they haven't been gassed. Maybe you need your windows gassed maybe.
Speaker 2:How's your front door, walliams? Do you need a new front door? Well, actually it's gone a bit wonky is that, because of the subsidence under your shed, is your house just falling into a mine shaft slowly but surely. Oh my gosh, don't joke about it. Yeah, we just fall into a hole.
Speaker 2:We are the shed started to fall down, that what the door started to come off and I thought it was all right, like front doors. So the wifey wife once uh, I can't say wife, wife, it's your wife the wife once a um was was considering oh, look at getting a new front door, because the one we've got is very dated. She was getting quoted like three grand for a new front door, for just a front door. I was like, is it made of gold? I was like, bloody hell, one door for one front door, like three grand. I can imagine if it's front door, back door and new car doors, but just a front door, williams and a new car, yeah. And then, because of your front door, you gotta get insurances. You can't just have any old insurance, you gotta get this insurance and that insurance on top of it, and then you gotta get safety certificates so your insurance that you've paid over the over the nose for is invalidated.
Speaker 1:Are you getting your back door done in or?
Speaker 2:it feels like someone's trying to do my back door in when they give a quote as three grand for a front door. Really, it's just like ridiculous. So, between insurances, front doors, gassing the windows, tanking the walls, trying to understand the right kind of insulation, making sure we've got the right certificates in place, boiler errors and then, just to top it all off, having to get gutters cleaned I'm just like the amount of administration.
Speaker 2:We need to get our guys cleaned. So it's, it's just well. It's like having previously just been a renter. You just, you just ring up the people's like excuse my might, there seems to be something wrong with that, and someone comes and fixes it. Now we've got to do it. Well, I'm sorry, I'm just.
Speaker 1:This one is just a pure first look at ranty dadministration not the front and back, but all the inside doors done, yeah, and there I mean they're probably about 80 pound per door, and then obviously you've got a joiner yeah, so you know 10 doors.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that adds up pretty quick, but one door for three grand it's, it must be made of flipping silver, gold and have a diamond handle. I was like taking a piss, but the um, it's annoying because I like doing most of the the kind of work myself. Yeah, like I can't gas the windows myself, I can't build a new front door, I can't sort out, I can't I don't know insure myself but how, so I'm just like I'm shaking the angry fist and all all the things that you have to do. I thought just just buy a house and get on with it. But no, it's all lessons to be learned. So if you got, if anyone's got, any tips for me, being a dad, to get through this, send in your tips for the dads that were having to do the administration and maybe ask the the note or gnome later or something oh yeah, we he's making an appearance.
Speaker 1:I've heard he's booked his schedule like I said, the last episode he was at the uh, the wedding celebration and, um, I had a. Well, he left a lovely, lovely, lovely words. Um, he did on the on the phone and um, yes, I asked him to. You know, please come back for season three, so um, be interested to hear what he says. Yeah I mean, I don't know, I'm talking to me.
Speaker 2:There's a new place well, that's true, that's true. I know he's got something special up his sleeve. I think he's yeah, he's got, he's got some ideas, he's got some ideas so we'll, we'll see, we'll see when he comes later. But yes, I mean, that was, that was my only, that was my first tip.
Speaker 2:Uh, oh sorry, my first look was just just at the, the amount, the sheer amount of different stuff that you have to try and sort out it's all quite fun, but also really just kind of frustrating at the same time just don't, don't sort out and just uh he could wait till your house fills into a mine shaft sort it then but yes, we'll get there, we'll get there my first look, I suppose let's do your first look.
Speaker 1:So I had a first look.
Speaker 1:So I I'm a bit of a geek, as some of you may know no but when I was a kid and still still now I was a big fan of wallace and gromit. Oh yes, and they've got a, a new film coming out this christmas. Wow, vengeance most foul. So I had a first look at that news. Um, and same as the um. Like I said, yeah, it is the new era of gnomes and the new, you know, asda doing their gnome adverts for bad puns. What's the grommet Vengeance Most Foul? So it's about a pre-programmed smart gnome. A smart gnome. A smart gnome called Norbot and designed to do any kind of gardening task or gnome improvement. I've read that one a few times. Unbelievable, a quick learner, efficient, incredibly polite and cheerful. Norbot quickly becomes popular with the locals to help with their gardening needs. So that's Norbot. Yeah, so Wallace and Gromit, they've invented a, a smart gnome hang on so again.
Speaker 2:So last week we talked about asda, plagiarizing the scene. They have the no wallace and gromit have got a smart gnome. Yeah, but we have a know it all, no.
Speaker 1:So they're all just they're all just ripping us off why? Do you know, know, I know Unbelievable, you do hear about it. So you have these big players, your Aardman Studios, your Asda owned by Walmart, your big players, and they listen, they listen. Probably don't listen, but someone listened and decided to make a start. I took that idea because, oh, no one else listens to this podcast.
Speaker 2:Not from space anyway, Not from space Still.
Speaker 1:The idea and yeah. So a bit like the old Father 10 episode where they listened to the B-side of a song and released it in Eurovision, that's what they're doing, my lovely, lovely, lovely boss, that's what they're doing.
Speaker 2:lovely, lovely, that's what they're doing. It's a smart moment, yeah well, I'm not happy with that.
Speaker 1:I'm not happy with Aardman Studios for coming come December, january, we're going to be getting letters and emails saying no, no, we've got copyright on that outrageous.
Speaker 2:Well, you know what they can have the copyright if they send us a bucket load of cash and a gnome filled with money we've got evidence dating back to 2022, so well, I don't know that. We found out that you can't use notepad properly on a computer, so goodness knows what kind of protection we have that's all right.
Speaker 1:Craig, that's all right. I wrote it down on notepad. Don't worry, we own rights to the note or gnome that's all right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I wrote it down, notepad. Don't worry, we own rights to the node or gnome, that's all right. Yeah, I wrote a download pad, signed it well, it could be a very good christmas then. So, as we've got to send us a bucket load of money and aardman studios have got to send us a bucket load of money, we'll be we'll be laughing this year.
Speaker 2:Happy to come to an agreement, for they sponsor us we'll be able to buy all the front doors I was gonna want as they can sponsor us and give us our first to first and food weekly shop.
Speaker 1:That would be good. And uh, and urban studios, they can um, make a movie that's in it, maybe to be fair to asda.
Speaker 2:I don't know if we we do a lot of our shopping at asda and you know you do these like click and collects or delivery and you order I don't know a packet of five bacon rashers, maybe a Brussels broccoli and some cornflakes and they're like, oh, sorry, yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm going to see if you ever try it.
Speaker 2:Bacon, broccoli and cornflakes Mmm. Well, rather than going to the shop, you'll order this online. And then you get an email from them and it says sorry, there's been some substitutions. And you think, all right, well, if I haven't got bacon, what have they got me? Maybe they got me some sausages, or maybe it's a smoked bacon instead, and it's like baby wipes. Like I don bacon instead, and it's like baby wipes, like I don't want baby wipes instead of bacon. And we didn't have broccoli either, so we so we'll give you some kitchen roll. And as for the cornflakes, we've given you a two liter bottle of semi-skim milk. You're like what are you doing? I've never known a company whose substitutions are more batshit, crazy than the asda.
Speaker 2:The asda, so we love you, asda, but sort your substitutions out and stop ripping us off would you stop ripping us off, so are you looking forward to the movie?
Speaker 1:I am, I am. It's got, um, it's got a bit of a bit of a comeback from uh feathers mcgraw, who was uh the penguin from um wrong trousers, which, uh, was 1990s. Well, yeah, that's the thing. I can't remember the name, but yeah, yes, it's a new voice yeah new voice for wallace. Um see, we'll see how that goes, but does it sound the same from the trailer.
Speaker 2:Did it sound like I?
Speaker 1:can't, actually, I think, give him a new one, um, couldn't they? Yeah, well, I don't know, I don't know when he, when he passed um, but um, because it's only very recently they've had the rights of ai and if you do sign this and we can use, because, like darth vader, he signed james l jones.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he died, didn't he?
Speaker 1:and gave signed away his rights, yeah yeah, but, um, yeah, looking forward to that, I've actually got, um, it's a little logan, he's uh, he's watched, um, he's watched, uh, the first two watson gromit films. He loves them, which is good, uh, especially the grand day out, the first one. When you watch the first one you don't realize I mean, it's a, it's a work of art, but but you know it's 1992 or something like that. It's a long time ago, yeah, and it's, yeah, it's your old school Cause it's your, it's your, um, what's it called Stop motion?
Speaker 2:motion animation yeah.
Speaker 1:So it literally had taken. Took him years to make it, cause just move a little bit of plastic, take a picture. A little bit of plastic, take a picture, whereas now I imagine ai helps and all that sort of stuff. But um, yeah, so uh, yeah, logan's, logan's watching it, so it's uh and it was my one, of my granddad's um his favorite film, so it's now passed on to the fourth generation watching so, but he's had his first look at Wilson Gromit.
Speaker 2:Aww. Well, that'll be lovely at Christmas to be able to watch that together yeah. And is it a feature-length movie or is it like a 30-minute one?
Speaker 1:It is. No, it's the second feature-length Logan's not watched the first feature-length they did, which was the Curse of the Were-Rabbit.
Speaker 2:I've never seen that one.
Speaker 1:Was it good? I didn't watch that much actually, but we're going to watch it again. It is universal, so it should be all right, but I don't know if it's too scary for a less than two-year-old.
Speaker 2:Well, here we go. I was thinking about stop-motion animation, right? So you said it takes a long time. Well, less so now, but back in the day. So it would have been like about 24, 25 frames per second.
Speaker 1:So that's like every what's the mass on that.
Speaker 2:The film was 26 minutes and it took them a long time, so by my rough calculation, they had to do nearly 38,000 shots, like one by one. That's a long time't it? Nudge shoot, nudge shoot 38 000 times, I'm probably completely wrong by that. So if again, if you know how many frames they shot right into first look gnomes, hello lookcom tell us we're stupid. We already know we are but, tell us anyway, very good well, that's exciting.
Speaker 1:I'm looking forward to that I'm looking forward to gavin and stacy as well, actually and then, um, a little mini, a mini, uh, it's not a new segment but um, the wifey, the wifey sort of said a little first look, uh, last week, um, I was, uh, I don't know where I was. Where was I? I think I was doing that, I was doing the planning. First look, last week I was, I don't know where I was. I think I was doing the planning meeting for season three with Ema Sajkis, so she got to watch some of her shows. So she started watching the Rivals oh filth. I asked her how it was and the only thing she said was A-Tax bosoms were incredible.
Speaker 2:So a tax.
Speaker 1:Bosoms were incredible there you go very good, uh, yeah she'll watch the rivals um so that's like that's charlotte from um in between.
Speaker 2:This isn't it. She was, yeah, charlotte big big't, remember she was, yeah, charlotte Bigton. That was her name in the in-betweeners, and now her knockers have got the approval from the government.
Speaker 1:Some chap gets his willy out as well.
Speaker 2:That's very 2024, isn't it? If you're going to see some, some knockers, you need to see some, yeah as well.
Speaker 1:It's all hanging out from the sands of it.
Speaker 2:So, uh, yes, you see the there was a show, um, we saw it on goggle box and it was a show that ryland was doing where it's like the naked first dates. It's like and we saw a bit of it. I was like I quite like ryan. I was like rylan, why have you allowed yourself to this? It's gonna sound very pretty, but why are they all naked? I don't get it like who thinks that's a good idea.
Speaker 1:It's just bonkers in it. Yeah, just trying to push the push the envelopes of the right thing oh, I don't know, it's just too much, too much anyway. Anyways, have we heard from the smart name? Sorry, sorry, that's copyright the no or no?
Speaker 2:oh yeah, the no or no. He, um, he messaged me, he said like, oh, he wants to, he wants to. Instead of just turning up every so often, he wants to actually do a bit of a feature. Okay, um, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna go, because, like he's got a he needs one contract next is he. He probably will want a contract, but I'll let him in. I'm gonna go and make up a team stuff and I'm gonna see if he's working for aardman now as well yeah, well, absolutely, you can ask him about that when he arrives, um.
Speaker 2:But no, I'm gonna go make up a tea and he'll come in in a second, sit on the chair and be nice to him because he's getting old. Now he's going to come and talk to you for a minute, so I'm going to go and make a cup of tea. I'll speak to you in a bit right.
Speaker 1:Milk, one sugar no sugar, just milk, please he's sweet enough sweet enough Hello. Hey, it's the Know it All, Gnome Hello.
Speaker 2:Daniel.
Speaker 1:I'm not seeing you for Well, it's a wedding celebration.
Speaker 2:No, I've been very busy, but I must say I loved your wedding. It was a really beautiful, wonderful day.
Speaker 1:You left a lovely message. I remember it.
Speaker 2:What did he say? Boobs? Oh well, he's perhaps scallion city sausages too. Not like me, who's a bit of class. It's nice to be here, and I thought last season there were some people who said some not very nice things about me, if you remember when I came on your show and I wanted to make people feel better. So I thought this year I'd give you a bit more backstory about me and maybe you would actually use my knowledge to help people.
Speaker 1:Well, you know it all, don't you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do know, I know a lot. I know that I've been ripped off recently by Artman, and Asda have used my likeness in one of their Christmas adverts.
Speaker 1:I was going to ask was that you or was that just a copy of? Yes, it was me.
Speaker 2:They paid me £10,000 and. I said yes, you can have my likeness. So I've bought myself a lovely front door and some interior doors.
Speaker 1:So just your likeness, not your actual knowledge.
Speaker 2:No, not my knowledge. My knowledge is something that cannot be bought or sold, but I thought I would share it with some of your listeners. So many of you might not know, but I was married to Mrs Know-It-All-Known for 83 glorious years until she was sadly destroyed by a runaway robot lawnmower five years ago, pretty much to the day.
Speaker 1:Very sad, was it?
Speaker 2:oh sorry yes, it was very sad. So, to celebrate her and our wonderful 83 years of marriage, I thought it would focus on sharing marriage advice to the wonderful listeners of this lovely little podcast. Over the summer, I asked some listeners anonymously to send in their question and today's question comes from a female.
Speaker 2:She wrote in to first look gnomes at outlookcom with this question mind the microphone there. My husband's idea of romance is watching sports together. How do I tell him that isn't quite what I had in mind. So her name will be Anonymous. Hopefully my answer won't give away too many clues about who she may be. But Anonymous, listener, you've touched on a classic marital predicament, an old-age class of romantic ideals. You envision candlelight dinners and whispered sweet nothings, while your husband imagines Domino's pizza, four cans of beer and the dulcet tones of Peter Drury shouting Newcastle have won. So how do you change things and tell him that his romantic instincts are about as subtle as a referee's whistle? Well, the answer, like most things to do with men, comes down to what motivates him. If he's the man I think he is, I'm guessing he's probably motivated by sex. So why not start by explaining that?
Speaker 2:while watching him yell at the TV for three hours is certainly an experience. It doesn't quite set your loins ablaze. In fact, it's about as arousing as folding socks. You could then try spicing things up by suggesting a compromise. Tell him you'll happily join him for a sports night of watching Newcastle vs Manchester United if he promises to participate in your version of romance Perhaps a romantic dinner or a cocktail making lesson. And if he balks in your version of romance, perhaps a romantic dinner or a cocktail making lesson. And if he bulks, use his motivators Sex. Remind him that if he wants to score a real goal and not just watch Shearer, score them then it needs to play fair.
Speaker 2:If not, use a sports metaphor and tell him your end zone is officially closed.
Speaker 1:Remember to remember, oh dear, use a sports metaphor and tell him your end zone is officially closed, remember, oh dear relationships are built on give and take.
Speaker 2:You're giving him a chance to fix this and if he doesn't, well, you can always mute him like the TV. For more marriage advice, see him at firstlooknomes at howluckcom with the title marriage advice email. Firstlooknomes at howlookcom with the title Marriage Advice.
Speaker 1:Thank you, you're very welcome. Is there anyone else written in or is just the one email? Just the one for now Just the one, I'm sure, but I'm sure I'm sure after that wonderful advice.
Speaker 2:We'll be inundated with people males, females and gnomes who want to pick my brain to help their marriage blossom.
Speaker 1:So is it just marriage tips, just marriage tips.
Speaker 2:Just sticking to marriage, just marriage this year.
Speaker 1:This season is just about marriage.
Speaker 2:We'll see how it goes. I suspect by the end of it I'll have my own talk show. I imagine I'll be a guest on Lorraine. I'm sure I'll probably be invited to guest host this morning.
Speaker 1:I'm sure you will.
Speaker 2:I've heard that there's a good show where all the contestants go out because I'm single now because I got destroyed by a robot lawnmower. So I've heard there's a good show which everyone appears naked.
Speaker 1:And that might be one to go on your dear wife's name. Was it Moe Sorry?
Speaker 2:You insensitive sod. Sorry, that's my wife you're talking about.
Speaker 1:She was called Beatrice, sorry I thought it was a good joke, but it didn't quite. It was.
Speaker 2:It was, it didn't quite.
Speaker 1:It didn't quite.
Speaker 2:It didn't quite oh dear. Anyway, it's good to see that in Season 3, that you two are finally up in your game and getting proper content for this podcast and not just making shit up. On that note, I'm going to go back now because it's very late and Craig wants to come back in getting proper content for this podcast and not just making shit up on that note. I'm going to go back now, cause it's very late.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:Craig wants to come back in.
Speaker 1:Thank you, no, no, no. Thank you very much. We'll see you in a couple of weeks.
Speaker 2:See you in a few weeks. Bye, bye, bye. I heard you two laughing. What was it? What was he talking about?
Speaker 1:you two laughing. What was it? What was he talking about? Oh, just uh. No, we weren't laughing. It's very sad. He's um sad. Yeah, he's uh, he's uh, he's his no name, wife, um, I forget.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, beatrice, yeah, beatrice, that was on yes today. I think you said so yeah, I remember he told me about how she died. She got she got smashed by a robot lawnmower. Just tragic, williams, tragic.
Speaker 1:Should we end on a? Well, this is up to you, Mr Archkiss, but I think you want to end on a bad joke, a bad joke, yes, please.
Speaker 2:I mean, they're all bad jokes, but Bad joke who's bad? Who's bad's bad he is go on then bad joke us Walliams. No, it's you, it's your segment, bad joke. Oh is it? I did not prep for this in the funny meeting.
Speaker 1:We said I'll do a bad joke, and then you'll do a bad joke, I'll do a bad joke, I've just done.
Speaker 2:Loads of bad jokes. So when I when I say bad joke, I've just done, loads of bad jokes.
Speaker 1:So when I say bad joke, I mean rude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what Can we?
Speaker 1:do a rude one. Well, it's going to be publishable.
Speaker 2:Hang on, let me. No, some of the ones I'm thinking of are very Okay, right, you can. Oh, yes, I said you know what I said last time. I said I would let you know. I would tell you about a company who do really bad jokes, really bad taste, dirty, horrible, rude jokes. Not that I would ever condone that sort of thing. So I'm not actually going to tell any bad jokes, but I'm going to point you to an Instagram account called Jimmy and Nimmy and nath jimmy and nath and they do dad jokes, but they do really rude, bad dad jokes. Rude, bad dad. They are very rude.
Speaker 2:I I can tell you that I told walliams a few of these. Uh, offline cut out, they could not be used in the podcast. But if you are in now, this is very. It's a very specific, uh kind of listener who would enjoy these kind of jokes. If you are in now, this is very. It's a very specific kind of listener who would enjoy these kind of jokes if you are into very rude humour and very bad taste jokes. Jimmy and Nath on Instagram. I have enjoyed their account. I've enjoyed listening to some of the jokes. Some of the jokes are really quite rude, but it's. Some of them are very funny, so go and have a look at that. Let me see if there's any of these that are usable. How do you circumcise a hillbilly? No, nope, cut that, williams. Some of these are really bad. Yeah, okay, I forgot that I was meant to do the bad jokes.
Speaker 1:Come back in next month. I mean, you could do so many.
Speaker 2:Okay, I mean, when you say bad jokes, are they just bad jokes or are they like good jokes?
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, like we said, the difference between bad jokes and bad jokes is just the first letters. The wrong way around.
Speaker 2:I just can't deliver a better joke the way you do either.
Speaker 1:Well, there's so many jokes you could have done. I don't think you've had it. You could have done some elevator jokes. I mean, they're funny on so many levels. Or you could have done some chemistry jokes. They always get a good reaction.
Speaker 2:See, bad jokes have to be cut. Unfortunately, you just you are the joke man. Instead, can we pretend, should we recall, let's re-record the end, so let's, we'd, we'd kind of got to, and should we end on a bad joke? Um, and we'll say you know what? No, we don't want bad jokes, want dad jokes. And you can tell us a joke volumes, because you do funny ones bad jokes are cancelled okay, so well.
Speaker 2:Now we're at the end of the show. We we were originally going to finish on bad jokes, but I was meant to prepare that and completely forgot that I was meant to. So, to be honest, ladies and gentlemen, nobody wants to hear me tell jokes anyway. We'd all rather hear the man, the the legend that is Walliams, tell one of his classic dad jokes. Half the time he doesn't even know he's telling the jokes, or I don't even realize he's telling the jokes. So to put him on the spot like this is probably a bit cruel, but I'm guessing, knowing how many bad dad jokes he tells on a daily basis, he's probably got a brain full of them and he could just tap into it at any time. Over to you, walliams.
Speaker 1:Just because your bad jokes are so bad. I mean, did you hear the joke about the really short king? He was 12 inches tall. I didn't no, he was a inches tall. I didn't no, he was a great ruler, See Walliams.
Speaker 2:Why do we even consider? Why will I get to be in the bad jokes?
Speaker 1:You're the king of the jokes. Until next time, everybody. Until episode three.
Speaker 2:Until episode three.
Speaker 1:Goodbye.
Speaker 2:Bye everyone. I'm single now because Mrs Noam got destroyed by a robot lawnmower.
Speaker 1:Your dear wife's name. Was it Moe?
